I thought I should post this here because it seemed to tie in with LSD for me. I'm not sure what to make of this yet as it just happened yesterday, but i'll go through much for my own sake atm. The night before I made the decision to take it in the morning. I lay the HBWR seeds at the top of my head as a sort of ritual thing. In the morning I had some watermelon, and after doing some mundane things I put 5 seeds in some water, after 5 minutes scraped the fuzz off. I remember in the past I soaked them for longer, and the fuzz was easier to get off. I had to mess around for a while. So once I did that I chucked them in a small blender with a bit of water and a bit of lemon juice, blended it nice a good, and then let them stand in a small glass with juice of half a small lemon. Without really thinking about it I chugged it down. Then I mowed the lawn. After about 30 minutes I started feeling drowsy. I mowed for another 15 minutes I guess, I started losing contact with concepts like time. So I was feeling well drowsy by the time I finished and had some water and lay down on the trampoline. I stayed there for some time. I felt ok in my head, but my body was real lethargic and there was an energy in my stomach or liver so I waited. I got up and just hung out under a plant. My dog was there and I didn't feel like interacting with him, and I told him to go away. It was about this time that I started to become stimulated. I didn't notice any lethargy as such after this point, although my speech was a bit slurred but I lost contact with most things. I think my blood vessels where constricted because my dick had shrivelled up and my heart was beating quite fast. Simultaneously there was cascading effect of emotions on how I felt about who I was. This was the real theme of the trip. I became acutely aware of my self. Everything was becoming all too clear. I had been unloving to others. In fact I avoided situations and preffered to shut off. I realized how important it was to love and I have had a hard time with it for a long time. The emotional intensity of this trip was far greater than any other because I was at home, and my sister was here at the 2 hour point, and my mum a bit later. I knew my behaviour could be strange but as I said at the beginning I didn't think about it. I eventually opened up to what was going on and they were pretty worried. I explained that physically it is pretty mild, but it was the way I felt that mainly seemed to be effecting me physically. Anyway after that point things started to improve. I was still realizing how far away from truth I had drifted. Also I was very aware of my physical wellbeing, and how I needed to obey nature. I spent alot of time outside for the rest of the day. I started to feel more at ease the longer I stayed in nature. I started to clean out some rubbish in the laundry - which is open to grass - and had some strange feelings about old plastic and caustic fertilizers and whatnot. Every action I made required much thought about what effects they would have on nature and all the organisms that are part of it. Plastic was hard for me to deal with, and metal was also strangely difficult. I felt I should be returning these items to nature, such as burrying metals, and with plastic- reusing them, but there seemed to be damaging stuff on the outside of it since it was old. I eventually threw alot of it in landfill but decided not to buy plastic again for no good reason. Halfway through that I stripped off and lay under the rain. I felt I needed to bathe in nature. Truth was so intense the whole day. I couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm reminded of terrence when i think about how during meditation I'm struggling with my thoughts in trying to come to know the truth. But during these trips I'm so overwhelmed by the intensity of life that i'm no longer trying to understand or study it or anything. I'm just holding on for dear life, with the only real thoughts being "may the loving creator have mercy on my soul". I guess that's why I take these things, I periodically need a kick up the backside. Whether I choose to learn and to make changes, I hope so. I hope I can soften up and be guided to do the right thing. Thanks for reading.
nice report! my 2 cents stuff: the only thing that can guide you is yourself though man. by 'terrence' you meant mckenna? remember what he said, don't give in to astonishment. always ask of your trip "And? So?" always seek the deeper point of it, the root of the root of the root of the root of the experience is the lesson, everything else is like layers on an onion, they can confuse you and make you think the lesson is X when X is only one manifestation of a much larger lesson that manifests in trillions of ways. don't give in to astonishment, always be in a frame of mind of asking "How is this useful for me as a being?" i'm always surprised at how personal these things are. it's the opposite of the 'getting high' concept. 'getting high' makes you think of some nebulous, generic, useless intoxication. psychedelics don't get you high, they show you high i think.
