I feel trapped

By society and its evil clutches of money and time.

I have only been back for two days, and already I am going absolutely crazy. I have to get out of this place. I have to shed my shoes and warm clothes and the anger, vexation and frustration that invariably builds up in me every single moment I spend in this love-forsaken, fearful, hostile environment.

I have not felt this way for a very long time. I had forgotten how horrible this feeling is.

I question my ability to make it. I will need to spend at least three months on the grind to earn up enough worthless paper notes in order to be able to leave again. Of course, I know I will make it, and I will be just fine. I always am. One of those good things about being apt.

But will I change for the worse again? Last time, I was back for six months. I was absolutely miserable after a few weeks, and I projected that onto those around me. I eased my own suffering by making others suffer.

Why am I unable to find happiness here? Why does the "real" world destroy my soul so easily? What can I do to make the stay as brief as possible, and to make it feel as if time slips by quicker? How can I make the most of it?

It's as if I've left a beautiful dream only to wake up to the nightmare of reality.

 

where were you?

 

/

 

Try L.A. County Jail for abour 9 months, talk about trapped....

 

I hate how society revolves around money. I think its disgusting. Where are you planning on going, and can you take me with you?

 

That is why you suffer. When you realize this, you will be free.

 

It was past tense.
And the projection was a consequence of the initial suffering, not the cause of it.

Where was I? Paradise.
Where am I going? Back to paradise.
Can you come with me? Find your own way. Maybe I'll see you there.

 

The projection is a symptom of the true initial suffering, and it encouraged further suffering on your part, which you then tried to make better by encouraging suffering from others, which made you suffer more, etc. Causality is closer to a circle than a line, thinking of it as a line removes an entire dimension to it and makes progress much more difficult.

Action is multi dimensional, not 1 dimensional.

 

Trust me, the initial suffering was rooted elsewhere entirely.

 

Ok but it would really help if you gave me directions And I hope its not something like take a left at bong junction, and drive two blocks past shroom plaza.

All joking aside. I'm personally kind of sick of society and how it is run. I would like to go somewhere where there isn't all the bullshit associated with modern society. I'm not sure if thats what your refering to, or some altered state of mind.

 

All is choice. You can choose to suffer and have unfulfilled desires or you can choose to live each moment with gratitude that you are alive. So what if society is corrupt, it doesn't need to change you and your ideals. If you want things to change, it must start with you. So stand tall and be the change you want to see in the world.

 

some claim to travel to far away dimensions where they can reside in a paradise sort of place for years and years... since time is nonexistent in the astral plane. so basically you could be there for a 20 year period and come back to a world where only a split second has passed

that was a bit random but this thread made me think of things like this i wish i could achieve myself

 

paradise is nice

 

Being the change you want to see in the world won't accomplish anything if no one else wants that change.

 

One of the main reasons that a lot of people choose to live outside of their homeland is to avoid the pressure placed on them by family and society to adhere to the norm. When you do leave and decide to make your life somewhere else, it is unlikely that you will feel the pressures of the new society as acutely because they have not been with you for the duration of your life, and hence easier to disregard than those you grew up with.

Returning to your native land/culture/society after extended periods away just highlights how much more enjoyable life can be(was) without the burden of others' expectations.


Why does the "real" world destroy my soul so easily?
Because it IS soul-destroying to feel like part of a machine.

What can I do to make the stay as brief as possible, and to make it feel as if time slips by quicker?
(a) sell your ass
(b) try to find little things you used to enjoy about your old life and engage in them as much as possible in the interim.


How can I make the most of it?
Do things that you cannot do in your paradise.
Eat your favourite foods.
Go to places you loved as a child, perhaps a mountain or a lake.
Visit friends and family who you care about.
Spend your free time learning stuff(possibly languages) that will make your return to paradise more enjoyable.

 

Thanks a lot for that, Aidan. That's about as good as a reply as I could have hoped for.

Your first point is definitely dead on. Who I've been most of my life is not who I truly am, and I discovered that once I'd cast the shackles, as it were. So returning to the real world makes it much harder to be who I feel I am now, because the people here know me as who I used to be.. The action I've taken to avoid that has been to live in a different town, and it's proven quite effective.

As for your other points, some of them apply, some of them don't. I've actually done a few of the things you suggest already. But I haven't been as good as I should have - for example with the languages.

But I'm motivated now. I was going through a bit of a personal crisis when I first posted this (duh ) not really seeing a light, not seeing a way I could enjoy the stay, strong feelings of longing, etc, but I'm carving out a niche for myself, some of my favorite people from my home country are nearby now (ie, in my new town) and I think one of the reasons I was in despair was fear of becoming who I used to be, but I see now that I have changed so thoroughly that that won't happen.

Cheers again, man.

 

That leads me to believe you got in touch with what's truly happening with you. Well-played ***

 

And to answer LucidOne, your paradise is where you make it. It is a frame of mind, but for me it's also geographical - and I find it impossible to make my home country my paradise.

Where it is is up to you. I could tell you where my paradise is, but it won't be yours. I am in an altered state of mind when I am there, but I am not talking about drugs as you were implying.

Best of luck finding your paradise. Society is bullshit. But you have to find it on your own - you can only lead a horse to water.

 

thats bullshit. if you have a family situation where everyone fights all the time and yells and you decide that you odn't want that anymore. Then you would take a new angle. If you start treating those around you the way that you want to be treated, like talking nicer or not exploding...it will change the environment. It might not be immediately but it happens. I've been apart of such things.

We are interconnected and though something does not appear to change immediately...it happens. Now will this bring peace on Earth? I doubt it. We are still human and subjected to our emotions and most people do not wish to train them.

 

You might be right, but possibly not in the way you think.

I think I simply accepted my situation over the past couple weeks, and also realized it's not as bad as I thought, and it could, in fact, be a whole lot better than I'd ever expected. Also, despite my better knowledge, because of last-minute events in my paradise, I became too attached to my life there.

If you have an opinion on what was truly happening, please elaborate, and if you just think I got over my issue then :cheers2: