Well, it's pretty nasty, but I suppose it's still kinda exciting in that way that porn is sometimes exciting. There's not much story though, and some of the spelling is atrocious. The title is terrible and must be changed. Aside from that, there's not much to say. You still need a hero, a plot, a direction... basically, you still need everything that makes a novel a novel. Good luck.
Hey its only a little bit of my book Yer true will fix it up cheers Apple Juice is that you? Its my first attpmpt at a book. Thanks for the criticism