the crap joke thread

Ok this is my signature joke ever since I read it when I was about 7!!

Also I dont seem to remember any others !

Whats green,round and goes camping???








A boy 'sprout'

 

LOL THAT was crap!

Why did the beach fall out with the sea..?

*drum roll*

Because the sea weed.

 

how do you keep an elephant from stampeding???


cut of his stam-peter......

haa haahaaahaaa

 

-What did one snowman say to the other snowman??




- Smells like carrots!

 

What does a bird get when its sick?


*Tweeetment*

 

what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?



a wonky....

 

haha that was super lame phil! i love it!

 

what's the difference between a truckfull of babies and one full of ping pong balls?





You can't unload the one with ping pong balls with a fork.

 

i read in the newspaper that someone mugged a dwarf....


how could anyone stoop so low?

 

Two elephants fell off a cliff....



.....boom boom.

 

Two sausages sizzling in a pan. First sausage says, "It's a bit hot in here!"
Second sausage jumps up and shouts, "Cor blimey! It's a talking sausage!"

 

travel back in time with me

to a native american tribe

we're sitting in the chief's tee-pee when a young boy walks in...

"Chief, how do you name all the babies of the tribe?"
"well little one, when one is born, i look out of the tee-pee and the first thing i see, that is the childs name. If i see a bear sitting in the woods, his name will be 'Sitting Bear'. If i see two stags fighting, his name will be 'Fighting Stag'"
the boy looks at the chief and asks "and you do this for every child in the tribe?"
the chief answers, "yes, yes i do young one. So tell me, "Two-dogs-humping", why you ask so many questions?"

 

Okay this one is for Phil


How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb????



Just one...he stands on a chair and waits for the world to revolve around him

 

two men are sitting in a tiny boat out in the middle of the ocean, stranded...they decide to go through the items on the boat to take inventory. As theyre going through the items on the boats the first man comes across a small lamp. As he passes the lamp to his friend a genie pops out and says, "I will grant ONE wish between the two of you"

before his friend has a chance to even think of a wish, the first man blurts out "I WISH THE OCEAN WAS MADE OF BEER!"
"GRANTED!"
the first man stares excitedly at the foam lapping the sides of the boat with each passing golden wave of delicious beer...
his friend stares in disbelief and mutters under his breath, "fuck, now we gotta piss in the boat"

 

womens rights.

 

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant.

 

What do you call that useless flap of skin on the end of a penis? A man.

 

lol i just got back in and read all those in like 30 secs and they were LAME thank u

 

How does a blonde count to two???


Lifts her shirt!!!!!

 

OMG so true!!! I call my hubby a life support system for a penis..like everyday!!!!