How do you find other non-flambouyant gays? Its easy to spot flambouyant gays but the non flambouyant guys obviously don't stick out as much. This sucks =\
I would like to know, because I have absolutely no gaydar. I do not go to gay bars/clubs, because they contain too much drama and everyone there only wants one of three things: dancing, drinking, and/or one night stands. How the heck do gay people meet in the real world?
It's very hard, I must admit. I mean I am non-flamboyant, and would be hard to ever spot. Only one person has ever sussed out my sexuality, and even then I was in a Gay Bar. The only half decent relationship I have had was with a like-minded individual, was purely coincidental. I met a guy in college and we became friends, and even I had no clue, got drunk and ended up kissing. That was a surprise. Otherwise, even though AiryFox has said otherwise, gay bars can be the only place to find what you are looking for (a definite gay response). You have to just be patient, as most 'strait acting' guys do tend to avoid such places for the reasons mentioned. Elsewhere, there are LGBT centers, and usually gay events you can go to where you may meet other like-minded individuals. Must admit though, I have huge amounts of trouble with the exact same problem. As a result, this warrants a not so great response, but I tried to help!
Half you can hear it in the voice, The other half you can see it in the eyes. Flambouyant ones, the scream queens, you can hear in the voice, usually the guys that are most girly, body language of a girl that always sexes things up to get guys attention. The opposite of that are the non-flambouyant ones, you can see it in the eyes, guys that are the butchest of all guys, body language of a girl that always "loves" it up to get guys attention; calm/ still and making puppy dog eyes to guys they are into. I pulled this gallery off the web to try show you what I mean, its from the Mannacle bar in Sydney; butch/leather/bear type gay club. Now in those photos, they are looking gay in their leather outfits and such. In the real world, off to work in a suit, they arent acting/ sounding or not looking terribly gay. They are the type that is not going to go around announcing they are gay cos straight people arent going to believe them anyway. For straight guys its just too scary to think guys this size are gay. For straight girls, they are going to think silly stuff like its just about sex, when they get less horny they are going to pick a girl settle down, and breed, or that they just havent been pleasured by a woman properly yet or whatever. Even if the straights see these guys sucking their boyfriends dicks, they still arent going to believe they are exclusive gay anyway. So if you're looking for big beefy "straight acting" around 21 years old, they aint going to bother being "out", cos they are already sick of trying to convince everyone. They aint going to have any trouble getting attention from girls and they are going to be hanging around people they are most interested in: Men, not males, MEN, big/masculine, gay like them or the kind of manly straight guys that sit around drink beer, watch the footy, scratch themselves. So basically at 21, look for the guy who is the last everyone thinks is going to be gay, watch them closely and you notice things like they'll never even touch the girls, no hug or kiss on the cheek when they first meet a girl, no repsonse if she touches him on the arm, do the fake innocence thing if she tries to sex it up, will never flirt with the girls. Wont sex it up around the guys, but will try and bond, sit there and make puppy dog eyes at them. Doesnt matter how big/beefy/scary the guy looks, they always have girls eyes, or extra sensitive eyes
Personally, people don't usually know that I'm gay until I tell them. I don't really have many "gay mannerisms". I don't try to hide it though, so people can tell after hanging out with me for a bit. I have extremely accurate gaydar though. I know when men are gay, and a lot of times I know even before they themselves do. The best way to find out is to just ask someone straight up, and if they're comfortable with their sexuality, then they shouldn't have a problem answering.
vanilla, I already do what you say (most of the time) but when I do that, sometimes I have the habit of convincing myself that straight guys im attracted to are gay....... its quite a nasty habit and messes with my mind
Yes, well never 100% accurate, theres always the odd miss to every hit. Part of the trouble is that under 25 its a little scarier when you miss, you are more likely to get a much more negative reaction, so if you are mainly interested in guys your age, that gaydar is going to work better in the sense you dont have to worry so much about the misses, past about 25 or so when straight guys tend to calm down about it. You can also try the personal space thing, thats sneaky without being obvious, find some excuse to breifly be up close to them without touching them, like within a foot, whilst watching how they react in their face. If they twitch like they are uncomfortable - straight or not into you, no reaction - anything, A little smile pops up or a blush - very likely one of the team and into you. Anyway, nothing magical about gaydar; It's all about: 1. Body Language: You just have to realise that with all sides of gay much of that body language is stuff their brains have copied off the girls over the years without their conscious self realising it - which is a concept thats a bit left field. And both sides of the female spectrum - slutty girls vs lovey dovey girls 2. Stereotypes: They tend to stick to their own, exceptions to the rule, but for the most part twinks for twinks, bears for bears etc. So if one is a twink they might not get any reaction from bears or gym bunnies and thus not be as good spotting them, but will be better able to spot other twinks or bi guys that want a girly guy 3. How hot you are: But not hot as it is defined in the straight world, I dont mean how good looking you are. If you want to be a guy that attracts bears, eat what you want, just make sure you have a well groomed head. If you want to be the guy thats going to attract guys that want big and muscly, head off to the gym. Basically in the gay/bi world furthest away from average looking male is whats going to get you more attention; shortest, tallest, thinnest, fattest, girliest, manliess, most energetic, most calmest
The strait ones are always so gorgeous though I have the same issue, but I feel there's a good dousing of wishful thinking there also!
Well, same kind of issues faced in the straight world, which head am i actually thinking with? Practice makes perfect as they say, but it this case, more practice means a greater risk of STDs I might suggest not aiming so high, but then why bother if they dont make your chest pound. Still messes with my mind, but in the end socialising with that straight guy that makes you buzz is more fun than socialising with the straight guy that doesnt. Anticipation and fantasy is half the fun. And if nothing ever happens, well at least you've got someone new to think of when you're slapping the salami
