Let's make jokes!!

Doesn't matter if they're funny or if they suck. They can be yo mama jokes, stories, whatever. I did hear one today watchin old reruns that gave me the idea-You've got ears so big you look like a car coming down the road with both doors open. That was funny to me but a lot of things are funny to me. So share.

 

One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?"



The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away. Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."

 

Why did the condem fly across the room?


It got pissed off!

 

Haha that was sooo lame, yet sooo funny!

 

lol...I like that one

 

Haha jokes are funny! I get jokes!!

 

Have you guys heard the one about the lesbian vampires?

 

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest cough to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knocking, there's no paper in this one either."
​

 

hahahaha

 

Eww.

 

lol, I love you guys

 

No...

There are these 3 vampires. The first vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.


The second vampire walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of blood." The bartender gives him the shot of blood, the vampire drinks it, and leaves.

The third vampire walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, give me a shot of water."

The bartender says, "Why do you want a shot of water?" The vampire pulls out a dirty tampon and says, "Tea time."

 

Haha, gross but funny...

 

I hope we get some more jokes here. It seem s like forever waiting for new jokes. It's like everyone's driving Miss Daisy. Or everyone's typing with their toes.

 

Yo mama is like a hockey player she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"


"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose." "Wow, what does it look like after sex?"
"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

 

Okay, There was this dude, and he got a job working on a farm out in the middle of no-where...
He had been working there for a while you know, and it was way out, and he was getting kind of horny...
He keeps working there, and eventually he's just like really horny, so he goes to the boss, and he's all like 'I'm need to get some action you know?'
And the boss is like ' Well, theres some horses in the barn...'
And the guy's like 'That's okay... I think I can wait... '
He keeps working there and eventually he's just so horny he can't stand it anymore, so he goes and fucks the horse...
Later he sees the boss and hes like 'Damn! That was the best horse fuck ever! '
And the boss is like 'Damnit you fucking idiot, I meant ride the horse into town and buy a whore! '

Haha yeah that's a dumb joke... But don't worry, I have plenty more dumbass jokes where that came from!!

 

hahaha that's good...

 

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the bus at the next stop. When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you". The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and pray's to God. If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are god and you could command her to have sex with you. The hippie decides this is a great idea, so on Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up. At midnight sure enough the nun showed up, while she was in the middle of praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says. "I AM GOD" I have heard your prayers and I will answer them BUT ... first you must have sex with me. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun. After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts "Ha, Ha Ha I'm the hippie!!" Then the nun jumps up and shouts "Ha Ha Ha I'm the bus driver!!"

 

hahaha that was good

 

20 Fun things to do in the drive through lane



1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.

2. Drive through backwards.

3. Belch your order.

4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.

5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.

6. Walk through.

7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.

8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.

9. Attempt to take the order-takers order ("Hi, may I take your order?") before they get a chance to take yours.

10. Order confusing items, i.e., "Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please."

11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch the fun as the person behind you is handed 40 bags of food.

12. When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells.

13. Drive through with a carload of naked people.

14. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion.

15. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food.

16. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice.

17. One word: Flatulence!

18. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.

19. If you are a male, have a female friend place the order by speaking VERY seductively and suggestively into the speaker. When she finishes, have her hide and pull up to accept your order. See how many of the order-takers fellow employees have been called over to the window to "check out the babe".

20. Change a flat tire in the drive-thru lane.