i've been with the same guy for two years, i'm sixteen now and we've been together since i was fourteen. now due to my age most people will autmoatically assume it wasn't a serious relationship but i can assure you it's one of the most intense and energy draining things i have ever gone through. when we got together, i was only 14, i've always been mature for my age, and well ahead of my years, but i was 14- i had no clue who i was. in the past two years a lot has gone on, done a lot of soul searching, grown a lot. i know what i want, who i am, where i want to go. my boyfriend, who is one of the most amazing people i have ever met in my life, takes such good care of me. if it weren't for him i probably wouldn't be alive right now, that's said in all honesty. BUT, ever since i have been with him- he has slowly become more demaning, more over-protective, more clingy. he lives with me, let me not forget- which was supposed to be a temporary situation and somehow ended up being permenant. i can't go anywhere, do anything, see or talk to anyone- god forbid i do we'll argue for days. he really isn't mentally or physically abusive- just smothering. and the more i discover who i am the more i see how incredibly different we are. we walk two completely separate paths, he can't see anything the way i do, some of the things he says just sound so naive and mean spirited and typical- i can't stand it! being in this relationship is strangling my mind and my spirit- but i do love him, and i know that if i left him, he would do something horrible, and i don't want to see what. literally there is NO DOUBT that he will hurt himself if i leave him, and do everything in his power to prevent it from happening. i really, really just don't know what to do. on top of it my entire family loves him, so talking about it to any of them is out of the question. really need some guidance-i need to feel free. i apologize for rambling there's just so much on my mind.
Sorry to say but it sounds like he's pretty controlling. He "smothers" you and you'll "argue for days" if you talk to someone he deems inappropriate. And you live with him so there's no escaping it. A red flag went up for me when I read "energy draining". I believe good relationships should give you happiness and energy, not drain it (unless it's a good way in the bedroom). I know what it's like to "love" someone that can be controlling, manipulative... the crappy part is, you don't even realize this till the relationship's over. I am assuming you wrote this thread because the relationship's not making you happy. Just know that he will not change while you're with him, not unless he really knows and sees what he's doing is wrong and really makes an effort to change. It's rare but it can happen. As long as you're with him, he will most likely continue doing what he's doing. Cuz hey, you're still stickin around -- no need for him to change when you're still there. It's something you'll have to think long and hard about. It will be tempting to stay with him for the place & because you won't have to be alone.
about six months ago was when i started to realize i was unhappy- we have had no type of intimacy whatsoever in atleast 7 months, and he is CONSTANTLY trying to change that, understandably, but it's to the point that i won't touch him just because he can't respect that i don't want to- but really, i know that i don't want to because i don't feel how i used to. how he doesn't realize that we sleep in the same bed facing opposite ways is a problem, i don't know, but he doesn't. this is the first time i've really said anything about it. thanks for the advice <3
You're being held hostage by a very insecure person.Relationships come to an end all the time--the fact that you're unhappy says you need to move on,but you also need to make sure you will be safe when you do.You can't be held responsible and put your life on hold to save someone from harming themselves.It's over.Just try and figure how to get out with the least amount of hassle.Step wisely and good luck young'un.--scratcho
