okay I'm new to these forums and I have a few problems with my current sex. I'm thinking of doing male to female SRS once I'm old enough (which will be in two years) but maybe not quite that soon. I honestly want a fix as soon as possible but as a few people have mentioned teenagers minds are constantly changing and what I want now I might not want in a time slot as small as 4 years. I've weighed the pros against the cons and as far as I can see there are only a few cons 1. my family will think it's weird 2. my friends will think it's weird 3. it's irreversible 4. it costs upwards of ten thousand dollars. 5. you aren't exactly a girl more like a very good replica. the main part that concerns me is the part about it being irreversible. if it weren't for that I probably wouldn't even consider asking for advice and just do it as soon as I had the money (yes it feels that bad) I know that I'm not very good at seeing how this could be bad so are there any other things I might be forgetting? if not thank you for your reply
That is an arguement that has never had any weight for me. I've always felt female, from a very young age. And have never deviated from feeling that way. In fact my teenage years were horrific because of all the horrible bodily changes that were happening to me that i didn't want, and that i couldn't stop. My mind never changed about my gender, so i dont really buy into that whole "but you might change your mind when you're older" rubbish. Sure, it might apply to some people. But those people are not born with the wrong body i think. Ive never stopped knowing that i was female inside, and i know of lots of others who felt just the same. If it's something that chops and changes in your mind, then you have some gender confusion, you weren't born in the wrong body. Living a lie for other people's benefit really isn't worth doing. I never tried doing that, but lot's of other people have tried doing that. And it ended up breaking those people. The bottom line is, if your family is worth anything, and your friends are really friends, they'll accept you for who you are. If they don't love you for you, then they're not worth bothering with. I'm estranged from my whole family as a result of being the person i am, but the way i look at it, they don't love me, so why should i pretend to be someone I'm not just to make them happy. If they loved me, they wouldn't expect me to live a lie for their benefit, and at the detriment to my own happiness. They loved a charicature of me, not the real me. In fact, i always had problems with family, because i was always rejecting male roles at a young age. They didn;t love me, so I'm out of their lives, its as simple as that. Making other people happy, while suffering inside is just a disaster waiting to happen. Better being alone, than being surrounded by people who don't really love you or care about your own happiness. If you really were female, you wouldn't care about the fact that it's irreversable. The fact it can't be reversed is the whole point. If your body really feels horrible and unnatural to you, then it would defeat the purpose if it was reversible. If anyone has any doubts at all about doing it, they shouldn't. You need to be certain of who you are, and why you want surgery. If there's any doubts at all about that, you shouldn't do it. And indeed, you wouldn't be given hormones or surgery if you had any doubts about who you are. The cost is a hinderance to a lot of people, which is a shame. But if it's something that you really want, you can work towards getting the money. Though it is true that for some people, it just seems like too high a mountain to climb, and they give in because it seems impossible to achieve. Well, that all depends whether you're talking about physical body sex, or internal gender. Men and Women have different brain structures to each other, and also some different genes that make up gender. It is crucial to point out that gender and physical sex are not automatically linked. They should be, and in most cases are. But some people are a gender that conflicts with their birth sex. My born sex was male, but my born gender is female. It's just unfortunate that most people think that body sex is the sole criteria for assigning someone's gender. Completely disregarding gender in brain structure and genetic setup. Those things can't be seen, so people don't take them into account. But just because they don't, doesn't mean they shouldn't. So while it is true that i can never have the body of a true biological woman, doesn't mean my gender isn't really female. I do still have terrible issues reconciling the fact that i've never/can never have a period, or give birth. (Not that i necessarily want kids, but the fact i can't physically do so is still something that hurts me.) The fact i can never date and have a boyfriend, and obviously the fact that my physical body is more male than female. But the only reason those things cause me so much distress is because i am female, not male. If i was male in any way, i wouldn't care about those things. It is key to seperate internal gender and physical sex. As they don't always match up like they chould. I am 100% female in how i see myself, and my feelings and emotions. My outer body is only ever going to be about 60-70% though, and that is something that is still very painful for me, but i know i have no choice but to live with that. As i said, if that fact is a genuine concern, then don't do anything that can't be reveresed. You need to totally sure about who you are, and why you want hormones/surgery. If you have any doubts whatsoever, you shouldn't consider surgery. No, you're not forgetting anything. You're very welcome. Hope i have been able to be some help to you.
Unless you live in Thailand where it's considered acceptable, you will be socially outcast for the rest of your life, with few job opportunities. (Most of the transsexuals I have met are prostitutes) That's probably a con.
Better to be socially outcast, than putting on a facade and living a lie just to be accepted by society. Better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you're not. And be under no illusions that living a lie will make your life any easier. Sure, maybe to other people who don't know the inner torment you're going through, things will seem normal and easy to them. But to the person living the lie, constantly repressing themselves eventually drains the life and the soul from you. Many people have tried doing this, in a bid to try and be "normal", and accepted by people. But eventually, the huge burden of living as someone you know deep inside you are not, will take a huge toll on you. And most will either end up killing themselves, or finally being true to themselves much later in life. Which obviously has far more consequences than doing it when you're younger. Is it better to be socially outcast while being true to yourself, or suffer in silence but be accepted by society? I guess that's up to the individual. But anyone who thinks living a lie is "the easy option", will learn the hard way sooner or later, it is far from being that. I refused to live a lie because i knew full well i couldn't deal with living like that. I have no doubts i would have killed myself a long time ago if I had chosen that option. I guess it's just the lesser of two evils. My life is still hard, and i really wouldnt wish it on anyone. But i knew there's no way i could cope with pretending to be a man knowing I'm really female on the inside. Which is why i never even attempted to do that. Also take into account if you later on decide to have a partner and child, (to further hide the truth from others) and then realize you can't live a lie anymore, you just complicate things even more for yourself, not to mention ruining other people's lives in the process. Sure, on the surface living a lie seems like the easy option. But as many who have done that have discovered, they're just making another huge rod for their own backs. If you're going to live a lie, you really have to do it for life, because the longer you leave it to accept the truth and reveal it to other people, the worse it's going to be for you. The problem is, the burden of living a lie for life is just too much for lots of people to cope with. They cave in eventually, one way or another. It is very true however, that prejudice against transgender/transsexual people (And people born with the wrong body), is the last socially acceptable prejudice left in our world. And to live through that takes a lot of strength and courage. (especially if you're like me, and have no support from anyone) Then again, living a lie also takes a huge amount of strength to do. The latter definitely requires more strength than some realise, and then they end up not being able to cope with the strain. I think the main reason why lots of people in this situation kill themselves is because they cannot deal with either the stress of of being socially outcast if they are true to themselves, nor the personal indignity and distress caused by repressing their natural selves in order to live a lie so society will accept them. I would say it is easier to be unhappy and alone, but staying true to yourself. Than pretending to be happy for others benefit, while inside you're suffering terribly. I think it's safe to say most people would not be able to live like that indefinitely, something has to give eventually. So while that certainly could be a con, for someone truly trapped in the wrong body, the alternative is hardly going to be much fun to live with either. In fact in the long term, it'll be much more damaging to the person mentally (and sometimes physically as well) to try and live their life as a person they know they aren't. The big mistake a lot of people make, is they think by forcing themselves to live as the gender they know they arent, eventually they'll become that gender. Or that denying the feelings will make them go away. People who think that way are only kidding themselves.
I'm still going to wait until I'm twenty. it's bad but not horrible enough to make me SERIOUSLY contemplate suicide. plus by the time I'm twenty Ill; in all probability have enough money for the surgery. as for the prostitute thing, that isn't going to happen with me. I'm Christian and against being a prostitute (when I say against I mean I don't like it and am not going to do it. not I hate anybody who is one of those things.) My friends and family are pretty good people. the only problem I can see out of my family is probably this one family they're a form of Christian who believe everything in the bible is true so they aren't going to like it and they're probably my best friends. (no I do not agree with them but they're the people I have the most in common with) however I'm betting they'll eventually get over it and realize that God doesn't make everything in the world happen the way it does. my main concern about the irreversible thing is that there have been a few times in the last 3 or 4 years that I've considered it to not be what I actually want. however out of 3 or 4 years it only amounts to at most 2 months and each time after the time keeps decreasing. doesn't evenn last a day now. I don't really plan on being married for several reasons so waiting wouldn't be much of a problem in that case. I haven't even had a girlfriend yet and don't intend to any time soon. only time I can see it happening is after I become a girl if I'm still attracted to them. I'm almost postive I'm a girl on the inside (meaning about 95%) there are a lot of reasons and although some of them may sem trivial to me they aren't. there aren't ANY positives things I can think about of being a guy. 1. I don't like sports whatsoever and people expect me to play them 2. some of my cousins are immature dweebs and people expect em to be the same. 3. a lot of people expect me to be a pervert including other Christians 4. girls are WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY (I think you get my point) superior to guys. the only reason men are still alive is without us women can't reproduce. because of this I'm probably going to start doing hormones when I turn 18. I want to be absolutely sure about this before I tell anybody in my family so I haven't told anybody yet.
I've contemplated suicide numerous times, and still do. Though undoubtedly my sucicidal thoughts were at their most severe during my teens. And i actually attempted killing myself twice during my teenage years. After the second time, i knew i had to do something, or i would be dead very soon. After that, i told my mother about me being female, and went to my doctor and told him the same thing. I knew i couldn't live in a male body, or live as a male. Death was much more prefferable to me than trying to live as a male, when I'm actually female. Though I am not a Christian, i would never be a prositute. Purely for moral reasons. I don't have anything against prostitutes themselves, but I am against prostitution. Not that I'm attractive enough to be one anyway! There is nothing in the bible that condemns people born in the wrong body though. Not being religious, it doesn't bother me either way. Besides the fact man wrote the bible, not God. I think it is fair to say that if God does exist, there are parts of the bible that were put there purely by man. Especially the things in the Old Testament. If you have had those types of concerns, then you are right to be cautious about surgery. (And indeed hormones, as the effects of them are irreversible also) Me, I've always known my body was wrong, and would have had the surgery done when i was 13/14 if I'd been given the choice to do so. I have no doubts that had that happened, I'd be a far happier person than i am now, and I would have a decent quality of life. I've never thought about marriage, because it never seemed like a possibility to me for a number of reasons. Like most girls, if i met the right man and wanted to settle down with him, then i definitely would like to be married to him. (though it is not essential) I've never been attracted to girl's sexually. I can admire their beauty, but I've never been attracted to girls on an emotional or a physical level. I've always been attracted to men, and always seen myself as a straight female. Though obviously being the way i am, means that I can't persue my natural desires and feelings for men, which is very hurtful I've always known my gender was female. I wouldn't say there's no positive things about being a guy, i just can't be one, because the male gender seems alien to me. Which is probably the way every other woman sees them. I think and have always thought like a girl, so being expected to conform to a male role just seemed very confusing to me. I'm sure if i had the thought processes of a male, i would see lots of positives in being a male. As I've heard a few men saying they see no positives in being female, and would hate to be a woman. It's as i was saying before, men and women don't think the same way. Its not that i don't see anything positive in being a male, it's just that i don't understand male's ways of thinking. Men confuse me! Now you are talking about cultural male gender stereotypes. I know some men who hate sports, and some women that love it! Liking sport is not indicitave of the male gender. Though it is part of the male stereotype. Just as women are stereotyped to hate sports. I too hated playing sports, and of course, i was forced to play them. I was also made to watch football, which bored me to tears. (Ironically, i love watching football now!) However, I loved watching boxing. Thankfully i never had to do that, but I loved the sport, and loved watching it. I also enjoyed some things that are considered typically male things to do, like playing with cars etc. But i also had a very feminine side to me, which i showed to others any time i could. When i was younger, i always classed myself as a tomboy. I never once thought "oh hang on, I'm actually a boy" because i enjoyed doing some stereotypically male things. I always seen myself as a female that enjoyed doing some typically male activities. Though some of them i didnt like, and i hated being forced to cut my hair. And had to be dragged to the barber's, and cried everytime my hair was cut. As soon as i was old enough where i couldnt be forced to have it cut, i never had it cut again. The way i saw it, having long hair would be the on physical thing about me i could class as female. Having my hair cut was like having the one bit of outer femininity that i had being ripped away from me. Christians wouldn't be expecting you to be a pervert. Calling yourself a Christian, doesn't mean you are one, you know. People call themselves religious, but then don't live in accordance with those religious beliefs. Unless you live like a Christian, you can call yourself one all you like, you won't be one. As for people expecting you to be a pervert, yes, a lot of guys are perverts, and if you are seen as a guy, you will be expected to join in with that. The males i did know in my early teens, including the ones in my family, all thought i was gay because i didn't want to have a girlfriend, and because i wouldn't talk about women in perverted ways. Of course, they had no idea that was actually because i seen myself as female, and was attracted to men, not women. Though some females who are born in the wrong body are attracted to other women, not men. Again, i don't really think women are superior to men. Maybe in some ways. Men are generally much more prejudiced and intolerant than women are. But i think that's because in some ways, males are much more pressured to be a certain way than women are. I think women in some ways, have much more freedom than men. Men are expected to much more rigidly conform to stereotypes, whereas women have more freedom to be themselves. Its like what i was saying before, about me feeling like a tomboy. Females acting boyish, and enjoying masculine activities isn't seen as bad, and it isnt frowned upon. Boys acting feminine however, is deemed wrong, and unacceptable, particularly in youngsters. I didn't start hormones till i was 22. (That wasn't through choice though) And i still havent had any surgery, and Im now in my thirties You do need to be absolutely sure, before you make any irreversible decisions. Good luck with it all!
You could always give the COGIATI a whirl, http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html Not that is should be used as a diagnosis, it's just simple test, only you can really be sure. But remember, it's not about about liking girls more or a preference for a certain gender construct, the question is do you feel like a woman on the inside, just underneath a body that's totally wrong
the answer is yes I do feel my body is wrong. also i've taken the cogiati but it's a test that tests male and female stereotypes so it's not all that useful. even ig you're almost entirely a guy as long as you know you're female on the inside it won't matter. might take hormones a it later than that ut not sure I want to wait
You are not a woman, you will never be a woman, just because you have an intense amount of estrogen, and you like men, does not mean you need a womans body... what would be the point? thats not you.. you'd be lying to yourself every morning you woke up and looked in the mirror. you are who you are, and be proud of it, if you want to cross dress, be a drag queen, whatever, thats fine, but you have a penis for a reason, now go shove it in some tinks behind and accept the fact that you are you.
Trying to deny a female brain structure makes your gender female, is like trying to deny the penis is a male sexual organ. You don't know who I am, and it's not only hugely patronising of you to think that you do, it is also amazingly stupid. People who try to force themselves to be the gender everyone wants/expects them to be, knowing that conflicts with what they see themselves as, are the ones lying to themselves. I am not lying to myself. I could lie to myself to make you happy and a bit more comfortable, but hell will freeze over before I do that. Here's some facts for you: Someone who's gender is female is going to hate their body if it's male. (FACT 1) Someone who's gender is female is going to be upset if someone refers to her in a male context. (FACT 2) Someone who's gender is female is never going to see themselves as a drag queen. (FACT 3). Someone who's gender is female is not going to want a penis, and is going to want a vagina instead. (FACT 4) Someone who's gender is female is going to see herself as straight, not gay, if she is attracted to men. (FACT 5). Someone who's gender is female is never going to be proud to see themselves as a man (Fact 6) Gender exists in brain structure and in genetic set-up, not in your genitals. (FACT 7). Someone who has a female brain structure and/or female genes is not a male, even if their genitals suggest that is so. (FACT 8) What would be the point? I'll tell you what's the point, Mr. All Wise Know It All. I have ALWAYS seen myself as only female. So yes, i do need a woman's body. My body, and especially the penis feels like an alien organ on me. I've always known it should not be there. The fact is, i don't think like a male, and I never have done. You might not like that fact, but nevertheless, it's still a fact. My fantasies have all involved me with a female body, with a man. I don't force my thoughts, that's just the way I naturally am. So "shoving it in some tinks behind" is just never going to happen. To me, doing that would be doing that for it's own sake, and would be going against my natural feelings and urges. You want me to force myself to be a certain way which will make me deeply unhappy, and disgusted with myself, just so morons like you don't have to face the truth. Dream on buddy, never going to happen! It is you, who cannot accept who I am. I don't have to accept who I am, I know that, and indeed have always known it. You are just ignorant, plain and simple. If you want to keep on denying that brain structure and genetics are what shapes a person's gender, (and more crucially, how an individual sees their gender) then go right ahead and keep shoving your head in the sand. Me, I know my gender, and am going to do everything I can to give myself a body that at least somewhat resembles what I always should have had. You think you know so much about me, and about the situation I'm in. When the truth is, you haven't got a clue. You believe what you want to believe, and won't even entertain the possibility that you might be wrong. Because thinking people like me really can't help the way we are, and are born this way would put you right out of your comfort zone. People like me make you and bigots like you, feel very uneasy. So you try to impose your narrow minded views onto us, and just expect us to accept them because you said so. Even though how we NATURALLY feel, contradicts every ignorant word you are saying. It's people like you that unfortunately put huge pressure on other people to live a lie, and pretend to be a gender that feels completely unnatrural to them, just so they can be seen as "normal", and not be treated badly by others simply for being who they are. These people will at some point end up killing themselves, or finally be themselves much later in life. Living a lie for so long not only inflicts huge psychological damage on the individual, but will ruin the lives of the people around them who they've dragged into their illusion to make it seem like reality. Many people have tried running from this, but sooner or later, it always comes back to bite them in the ass. Repressing who you are is not the same as getting rid of it. You can't run from who you are, it's as simple as that. If you have a brain set up that conflicts with your outer body and genitals, you can deny that all you want, it's not going to change the fact. I have not tried to deny who I am, but countless other people have tried to deny who they are, and have realised the hard way, that is something which is simply not possible. Hiding from the truth isn't going to make it go away. Your genitals doesn't make you who you are inside, and the fact you think it does is completely laughable. If you really believe that genitals alone makes a person, and defines who they are and their personality, i suggest it's you who needs to re-evaluate yourself. You are the one who needs to wise up, and realise that gender isn't purely down to body sex, and accept that gender cannot be defined in such a foolish, simple way. I'll just take your words for the mis-informed ignorant drivel that they are. You know who I am more than i do, riiiiiight you are! I've just noticed your signature...the irony of that is just astounding! Haha, i would suggest you stop being a narrow minded bigot yourself, then maybe you will have the right to tell others to stop being one. Being ignorant doesn't excuse your bigotry.
That is true. But unfortunately, lots of people seem to have Topher D's attitude towards people like me. In his case, it's probably more pure ignorance than blind hatred. But like I said, ignorance is not an excuse for prejudice. You won't find a single scientist or medical person who has studied this condition for a long time agreeing with viewpoints like his. A long time ago, most people like me were told by doctors to stop being stupid, and just accept we are the gender we were assigned at birth. This has of course now been proven to be terrible advice, which simply does not work. And only serves to heap more misery on the person trapped in the wrong body. It is a medical and scientific fact that men and women have different brain structures, and different genetic setups. People who think your born gender purely comes down to your physical sex, are completely disregarding the fact that there is genes that help determine both your physical and your mental gender, and the fact that males and females have different brain structures. The scientific evidence points to it being very foolish to brand someone a certain gender purely on physical sex alone. The scientific research done into this condition has been miniscule, due to lack of investment, because it is not seen as important, like other ailments/illnesses. But the small amount of research that has been done, has thrown up a strong likelyhood that people like me are literally a different gender on the inside than we are on the outside. And were likely born that way. (Seeing as taking hormones has no effect on brain structure, especially if the person's brain structure is already fully developed. Which happens sometime in your early teens, or even before that.) Genetically, it is found that lots of women that were born physically male, have an androgen blocking gene, which stops the sufficient amounts of testosterone getting to the brain needed to masculinise it. In effect, leaving that person with a female brain. (even though they have a male outer body) Or at least a brain which more closely resembles the female brain than the male one. Also brain studies on around 5 women with this condition did find that a certain part of the hypothalmus region of the brain, (Which is crucial in controlling things like feelings and emotions) was pretty much identical to what a female should have, not a male. This region of the brain is typically 80% larger in males than in females. Yet in gay men, that region of the brain was found to be the same as in straight men. Yes, the case study was only small, but certainly enough to suggest a strong possibility that some are literally born a different gender internally, than the one suggested by born gentalia alone. Though it is crucial to highlight that not everyone branded "transsexual" is born in the wrong body, and indeed, some dont feel they were born in ther wrong body. Which only serves to further confuse the situation. Though it is true that most who believe they were born in the wrong body will not refer to themselves as transsexual. Indeed, I just see myself as a female born with a horrible birth defect. Ive never identified as transsexual. I've always strongly believed I was born female. And dont need any evidence to tell me what I already know. But what this research has shown up, is that others don't have to simply take our words for it. (Although that should be enough) There is medical and scientific research to at least partially back up our claims that we were indeed born in the wrong body. And what is also shows, is that telling people they aren't really the gender they're claiming, and to just live as the gender they were assigned at birth, is not a solution. And will only serve to inflict further psychological damage and mental distress on the individual concerned. The one thing that has been conclusively proved though, is that gender is purely a construct of the brain, along with genetic setup. The fact that in most people these things correspond with, and are in harmony with their physical sex, makes it hard for lots of people to understand someone who's gender conflicts with their external physical sex. It is very unfortunate that you're branded a certain gender purely because of physical sex, and then be expected to live as that gender for life. Even if your natural internal gender is completely at odds with your physical sex. As for the notion "you were born with a penis for a reason", that is just stupid. What about people born blind, or deaf, or both? Or with other disabilities and diseases. I suppose they were also born like that "for a reason"? Another nail in the coffin of the physical sex = gender belief, are people who are born with genitals of both sexes. Now, if your physical sex determines your gender, surely people born like this would identify as both male and female. Yet the overwhelming majority of people born that way identify as one gender only. Either male or female. Unfortunately, because of the society we live in, doctors usually advise parents to allow their child to have surgery very early on to make them one sex or the other. As they will be stigmatised by society if they are left the way they are. Lots of people who had this surgery forced on them as children grow up feeling the opposite gender of that which was chosen for them. Gender in brain structure/genetics does not always correspond with someone's physical sex, and that is a cast iron fact. The brain is just as much an organ of the body as your genitalia. Yet, just because it can't be seen, it isnt taken into account. And it is the brain that controls all your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Not your genitals. Your genitals only becomes a problem, if your brain is programmed to be aligned with the body of the opposite physical sex of that which you were born. Someone who has a female brain structure, is female, even if her physical sex betrays that fact.
thanks for the advice invisible soul also the lesson here is research before you post things (unless you are asking a question in which case it's absolutely fine. should still probably research anyways just to make sure somebody didn't give you false information to make you look like a fool.) one other question. is there like a government file stating you've been sexually reassigned that they give to your potential employer and that's why you don't have as many job opportunities? if so I want to get that law changed because this is like the racism problem that was abundant a few decades ago. (much less people but it's still just as bad and for pretty much the same reason. they discriminate because of the way you were born.)
I personally think that it's terrible that people actually enforce restrictions on SRS and say that you should wait just because of your age. If you go through with SRS, chances are that if you are a transesexual, you won't have any regrets. If you rid yourself of regrets before you do it, my guess is that they won't come back. As far as irreversible, well, I'm sure that it is, but it would be some expensive surgery. It would be like M->F->M or something. There are people that have done that. I don't know what they do for genitals or anything...they might not have those reverted. Once mind uploading is mainstream, it would be reversible...=P
