I'm gonna kill myself

In ten days or so... I have this endless booze supply thing going on right now so I figured I'd stick around... but when the vodka stops flowing I'll be on my way to San Francisco to jump off Golden Gate. I'm gonna be nice and drunk of course before I commit the act... I'm curious though, is there heavy security at the bridge? I know you can't walk there at night but that's all I know. I really dislike the idea of doing this in the daytime but I don't see another way. I have no access to the two top ways I would like to kill myself, the car in the garage thing, poison by carbon monoxide, would be fabulous, but no car no garage, firearms would be great in fact the #1 way I want to go is gunshot to the head but no access. Things like overdose, hanging, drowning, asphyxiation and bleeding are just too horrendously painful! A bridge jump would be quick and painless as long as I could get up the guts to do it, thus the alcohol which will be readily obtainable in the form of listerine which I find easily drinkable. The reasons are many, I feel no real need to go into it, I know many consider suicide a "selfish act" but why anyone with friends would kill themselves is beyond me. I assure you this is not one of those cases. In short I'm terminally mentally ill (not to mention ugly) and euthanasia is not an option. Terminally ill people commit suicide all the time, this is no different. Really this post has no purpose, I am exceptionally drunk on a multitude of substances including vodka scope and various extracts. Does anyone know of any other chemicals that can are easily obtained and induce sleep before death? I've thought of alcohol and sleeping pills... I have no access to prescription pills but would benadryl work? Or would that just cause a benadryl overdose? I have no interest in terrifying delirium at this point.

 

It's widely known that about %95 of people who openly talk about committing suicide don't go through with it. I'm not saying you will or won't, but I will say if this is a serious thread, you shouldn't go through with it. When I was younger, I had thoughts of killing myself, but the more you grow, the more you learn there is so much out there to live for. Seeing the sun rise, feeling the wind blow, seeing in the rain, crying, laughing, and sadness even are all things to live for. My grandfather committed suicide 4 years ago on July 30. It affects more people than you think it may, and there are people who do care.

You live for a short time, you're dead forever and you don't know which one you prefer until there is no turning back. Embrace life for the short time you have.

 

Ok. If you were to jump off the Golden Gate bridge it would involve a fall that ends with an impact into water at about 75mph. The impact won't instantly kill you, what will is when eventually drown. First though your ribs will be broken and probably puncture your lungs and internal organs. You might also break your back or neck and when you realise what a big mistake you have made, you wont be able to swim the 20 feet or so back up to the surface.

I've stood in the middle of it and looked down, and it is a very long way down! At my lowest low I could have done it, but now I'm better I realise how stupid it would have been. Can you think about the effect it would have on everybody who knows you, each time they hear the word suicide they would feel sick, each time they see a picture of the golden gate they would be thinking about you hitting that water.

Theres too much stuff to see, better to kill off your old self and anything you dont like about yourself, and start a fresh tomorrow.

 

I don't have any friends or loved ones. And I'm sure if I went down in the right position the impact would kill me. I don't think I experience pleasure like most people do. The only time I ever feel it is when I'm high and or drunk.

 

People suck. They lie, they cheat and they do not care. Only people who are nasty and rude get what they want. People like me fail because we're too nice and respectful. Men are nasty and only look at women for sex and women deceive and look at men for sex. College is the absolute best way to find people who fit that description. But don't kill yourself, stand up. Be assertive and tell this society what it should do: fuck off.

 

If you want to die, die for something.

Like allah, a cause you believe in, or simply for the lulz.

Don't go out like a bitch.

 

So you're perfectly willing to continue living for the simple reason that some cheap vodka is lying around? Geez...

Well, there's a reason to live right there, right? Work a meaningless job and put all your money to booze for a while. You'll have some form of happiness, and eventually you won't want to die anymore guaranteed.

 

hahaha, if you need some one to chat with hit me up, i dont give a shit what you do, but if you are bored or lonely sometime just hit me up, im a looser also. I wont listin to you bitch about how shity life is or tell you its going to be ok, but ill talk about sublime or techno producers, or pigpen.

 

i suggest getting your local phone book and calling a suicide help line.


don't let them win! :grouphug: you were given a human body in this life for a reason... find out what that is!

 

AND i care about you AND i worry about your safety.

you wanna be selfish and kill yourself? why not be selfish and get some one to listen to you? why not be selfish and stand up and say, "hey' i need some help here!!"

please don't do it. i will be very sad. you can PM me.. or anyone that has replied to this thread.. we all obviously care about you.

:grouphug:

 

Yeah, I'll admit it. I really do care...

 

I know what you are thinking monterrry purple, I've been dealing with this for about 5 years and it is impossible to figure out. On one hand I want to do it, but I always decide on others that I barely know. I have friends who barely talk to me, but they would hurt if I followed through with my wishes. Nobody want's to commit suicide, they just think that's the easy way out.

I know a few people who have done it, and your friends will care, even if you don't believe them to be friends. It will hurt them a lot. People that you hardly know will show up for your funeral, and they will hurt a lot.

Try to seek attention buy what ever means that are available, it may take time to find somebody who will help you, but I hope they can. Suicide is an act of desperation in this cruel world.

Edit: I was crying through me entire replay and I really hope you get help. It has taken years for me, but that is because I never wanted to go to a hospital for help. Please seek help anyway you can. Please. Please. Please. If you have a suicide phone line PLEASE call as fast as you can. I don't want anyone to die.

 

The only reason I'm alive right now is because of a stupid coincidence. I won't go into details, but after living a few years more, I've realized that there is more then just what you think. My ex struggled with it as well, he was constantly teased and stuff, being called gay and shit, and sometimes would have thoughts about coming back, letting me be the last to see him before he offed himself. I steered him clear of that because it scared and hurt me. Another friend of mine, we hadn't been close in years, died in accidental suicide... he suffocated himself in a plastic bag while trying to inhale household cleaners. We all tried to help him, but even being engaged didn't stop his recklessness and he died and I'm still feeling that impact.

The point is that I'm trying to make is that even though you may be close or not so close, there are people who will be impacted by your death. Us here might worry if you don't ever reply again. If you believe there's no one around you, I know there are people here that care. Please don't kill yourself just because you don't feel like living. There's so much more out there to experience.

 

monterrey_purpleMy name is Hari, and I'm a street musician. What can I do for you?

 

Six points:
1. What makes you think your experience after you die is going to be any better than your life now? From what I've read in ancient sacred scriptures and stories of near death experiences, suicide is not a step up.
2. I once heard an account by someone who actually survived a jump from the GG Bridge. She realized as soon as she went over the edge she had made a terrible mistake.
3. The only person I've known who killed themselves was an alcoholic. Booze and other drugs can make you feel hopeless. Maybe that's what you need to ditch and not your life.
4. Perhaps you have something wonderful to give to the world or even just one person. Why throw that possibility away?
5. Yes they do have security on the GG Bridge 24/7 watching for people like you. If you're drunk you're going to have a danged hard time getting past them.
6. For God's sake GET SOME HELP! Reach out before you waste your precious life!

 

When you're alive you can help someone, you can love someone, you can create something beautiful. If you're dead you have no more opportunities. Get off the all the drugs and booze and let yourself wake up. The real you is sleeping underneath all that stuff. No wonder you want to end it all. It takes time to recover from addiction but people do it. Addicts are very selfish. They can't help it. Excuse me for being blunt but suicide is just one more selfish act, perhaps the ultimate and certainly the last. Don't you realize all the sadness you'll create for possibly thousands of people who will be involved with or hear your story? Why not create joy somewhere instead? There are so many radical actions you can take other than suicide to make life interesting and worthwhile. What are your dreams? Reconnect with them and pursue them with passion. Never give up. Life is hell at times for all of us. Sometimes the hell grinds on for years. But if you keep searching for answers you will find them.

 

I don't know. Not a day goes by that I don't think about it. Sometimes I take a kitchen knife and hold it up to my vein and I'm just dying to plunge it right in but I'm afraid, at least for now. I'm ugly and crazy and have no friends. I can't imagine death being worse.

 

hey lady, how come ya don't call a help line? we all care about you and worry about your safety. i know i would like to see you shine.. i know you have it in you.

ugly? GREAT! no shallow assholes will use you for your looks!

crazy? hell yes! me too.. high five!

no friends? good... no jerks borrowing your stuff and breaking it. no people annoying you. no one stealing your french fries.

i don't really have any friends either.. i have group therapy "friends" and e-friends, i'm okay with that. :grouphug:

don't give up.. please.. you can PM me or anyone else that has replied to this thread.. ANY TIME!

 

xx

 

I've taken to just doing random dangerous shit becuase I don't care if I die lol... Today I huffed gas. It wasn't bad.