Teethless, defanged, muzzeled, harmless etc

I said recently while drunk I have lost my teeth: my nerve to act outside boundaries to try to warp my situation. In retrospect I notice that maybe I have reached my limit.

Like the last days of high school recently I was intoxicated in a new isolating rape fantasy much like the one I had failed to make happen before. Last time a series of unfortunate events caused their to be no opportune time and I failed to try and lure her. Waking up from that I was afraid that the thought would grow, fester, and gnarl me. So recently as I slowly was losing my patients for people, and slowly losing my patient to maintain friendships I was afraid as I slowly receded back into the fantasy.

But recently I had the opportunity (just a friend who has been the focus this time) and the drive but I could not make the necessary move. Maybe I am too old too well trained. Maybe I can only commit crimes done before my mind figured out how to fizzle me out. Luckily physically forcing women was not one of them and I hobble and manage to be functional.

So my old rape scare that did scare me was not something that scary, or at the very least it is not now. Knowing this makes me angry but I cannot feel that angry anymore just tired.

 

Take a nap.