Ok so last night I get off work and its like 1 when i get home. And I've been putting off my taxes forever and I decide to find out how much I owe. I made 16000, the want 3000. So when I found that out I kinda... snapped I guess. Didn't panic or get overwhellmed just kinda came to the conclusion that this is always how its gonna be, I'm always going to be on the grind, I'm always going to be in pain, day in and day out, until I die. Then I very calmly had this realization that if my girlfriend ever left (which she wouldn't cause we have a fantastic relationship. Love that kinky sex!) then I'd have nothing left that is good in my life (Which is true) then I'd put either my brother's .45 carbine or step dads 12ga. to my head and blow myself away. And that was it. And it was a serious thought. Not irrational or panic or overwhellmed just... decisive. It freaked me out. I could picture it too. Now last weekend I took some E. 4 Hits, really strong, cut with H. When I was 18 I was hooked on them. So I'm wondering if maybe this was just some kinda chemical imbalance from taking a drug that I really probablly shouldn't have taken (enjoyed every minute of it though) or if I should probablly talk to someone, like say my parents.
Well It could be some reaction to the e but on the off chance that it wasnt, I would talk to someone...maybe even a doc to get a proper assesment of ur mood. or do an online test first then bring it to them...(you may not realise you're depressed ya know?) And I'd start to look for something you could do that would bring some balance to your life....like volunteer work...or a new hobby...It helps when life piles on the shite to have something you can feel good about and makes you feel useful... Hope that helps.x
Yeah that makes a lot of sense. You know I just got done working two jobs, 14 hours of work, 2 hours of driving, 6 hours of sleep. Did that for 2 months straight with no days off. That could probablly play a big role as I'm still catching up on sleep. Hated both jobs to. Machinist and busser. Got laid off as a machinist, quit as a busser to become a server at Chilis. Fuck outback thats all I'm saying. Plus I found people to jam with again. AND my gf said she wants to have a threesome. So what if I'm broke, I'm living the rockstar dream without being in a band. Thats why I was um... puzzled. Where can you take online surveys at, cause I've got no money for doctors (2 wisdom teeth and a chipped tooth in the back. That would be first because it hurts to eat )
Thats sucks you in pain...`Save a bit each day until you can afford to get treated...? Sounds like that kinda situation would wear even the calmest person down... Heres the link to what I think is as good test....http://www.mymoodmonitor.com/?gclid=CLPLlp725JkCFcIWzAodaCUiQw Still I would urge you to talk to someone as they sometimes notice your mood changing when u cant... Feel free to pm me if ya ever want to... Lots of love....
