Ways to overcome self-confidence issues?

Alright, well, I'm 19 and I've never had a girlfriend, so lately I've been working on this. My main (actually, my only real) problem is that I have some self-confidence issues (about my appearance). I know I'm not the worst looking guy in the world, but I'm definitely no Johnny Depp. I'm not insanely fat, but I am overweight (I pretty much have the build of Seth Rogen in Knocked Up), and I have some acne scaring around my shoulders. The acne scaring isn't that big of an issue, since the only girl who would see my back would probably already like/love me enough not to care, but I'm still uneasy about the overweight thing. I do exercise everyday, and lately I've been eating healthier than usual and I am losing weight. Of course, I can't get to a better weight overnight, and I really don't want to wait to at least try and ask a girl out or something (my target is losing about 20 pounds). Does anyone have any advice?

 

What kind of girls you like?

 

Be yourself, dude. Just be yourself. And think of this: If girls turn you down, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU!!!! Don't attach yourself to one girl when you hardly know her. If she says "f- off" then move on. There's nothing worse than moping around about it. It'll eat you alive, believe me, I'm in your boat.

As for the exercise, again, I'm in the same boat as you. Take it slow and don't force it. Try going to a junior college near you and joining their gym or, better yet, joining a junior college exercise course. I did it and, over the course of a few years from what I learned in class, I lost 20 pounds: I went from size 46 jeans to 38 and from x-large shirts to large. I'm still a little chubby, but improved.

 

Trust me dude, girls turn every guy down, i think it has alot to do with your approacj to the girl and how you talk to them, if you cn make a girl laugh i think thats bonus points, even if you do something stupid and silly, i personally think apperarance is a major roll in relationships of course, but the girl im with right now, started dating me after i had my teeth knocked out by a hockey puck, how attractive could i have been? lol seriously i was jsut myself, i wasnt hiding the fact i had no front teeth cause i was gonna get it fixed. i made jokes about it and made her laugh, bottom line, is a girl has to like your personalitiy aswell, if you can get her laughing and wanting to be with you, then your in there

 

Find a girl that you believe has the same issues as you and go for it.
If you want a partner to ignore your looks for the real you, you must be able to do the same for her.

You might want to try some casual dating before you go looking for a girlfriend. Find practice girls, establish that it will just be a casual date, and have fun. Don't try to do anything other than stay chill. maybe you will like her, maybe not, but at least you will gain confidence, and practice dating skills.

If its a random stranger, just strike up a very short conversation, explaining that you have to be somewhere(preferably a social gathering so some sort) but would love to keep talking/get to know her better. Then ask for her number. You can do this all day long to gain confidence. You will get numbers a large percent of the time. You don't actually have to call any of them, this is just for practice. If you feel nervous about doing this, go to a town 30 mins away and go to a coffee shop, or a park, or a concert, or a collage campus. That way even if you get rejected, you will never see this person again, so its no big deal.

keep on trying to improve yourself outside, and inside. Change is totally 100% achievable, but you cant win if you don't lay your cards down. gotta work at it.

 

Girls suck. You don't need them anyways. They do nothing but bring you down.

My advice: Do what it is that makes you happy and don't care what anyone else says or thinks because those same people probably feel the same way and have even more insecurities. You are what you are and you can do nothing but be happy about that.

 

LOTS of girls like husky men...take me for instance...this guy i'm with now is an ass...but his body turns me on so much...and he's a bigger guy...maybe 20lbs overweight. and it took me until i started dating him to realize that he is "my type" when it comes to physical appearances...

i agree with everyone else on here...be yourself and be confident in what you have going for you. a woman will find her way to you based on who you are. if you feel you need to lose weight..do it for you not for someone else.

 

I wouldn't recommend changing yourself. Much less in order to impress women. I also don't recommend asking girls out. Flirt and let them meet you halfway. :cheers2:

 

Yes: RELAX. Fat men and women all over the world do manage to date, fall in love, have sex, get married, etc.

When I met my wife three years ago, I was obese. I've lost about twenty pounds since then - and though I'm still overweight, I'm much healthier now. The point is I didn't wait till I lost those twenty pounds before asking her out, and she didn't wait till I lost those twenty pounds before she said yes.

Kudos to your determination to live a healthy lifestyle. When I was your age I ate a lot, drank a lot, and chain-smoked (cigarettes). It's good that you're starting early.

Don't fret too much about being overweight - you're doing something about it so your body will gradually take care of itself.

 

blah

 

If you like that girl who lets herself be used, I think its clear you're attracted to the wrong types of women. First, I think she's stupid as hell for letting herself be in that situation. Second, dont go for women who have more issues than you do, that's a bad sign to start with.

 

JuliettesCrying;

I understand why you are saying what you are saying. Seems logical enough, especially with the information and the particular way I presented it. . .

First of all, I'm not entirely sure she's truly "aware" that she's being used. Yeah, it seems obvious but she's pretty lonely/desperate, as far as I know she's never been with another guy besides this one, and they've been doing this sort of thing since she and I were freshman in college. . . we're seniors now. So obviously she's going to be very attached to this guy, even if he's not such a great guy. In her mind she probably has an idea that she hasn't got a chance with anyone else. She is not physically attractive by any common standard, though I really don't care about that at all.

The reason I find myself kind of attracted to her is because she's quite literally the only girl I've met with the same problems as me, and to the same extent. It gave me the idea that perhaps I could actually connect with her on some level, something I haven't been able to do with any other girl because they just seem like much more social creatures than men, like their enjoyment of life depends much more heavily on it - as well as their judgment of people. I also hear - and believe - that there are many more shy women than guys out there, but there's a distinct difference between being shy and being absolutely fucking terrified/incompetent in uncomfortable social situations. I've seen plenty of "shy" girls; I've met only one who has the much more severe problem that I have.

The other main reason I like her is she isn't a normal person. By that I don't mean she's screwed up or something - I mean she isn't like 99% of women I see/meet whose favorite activities are shopping, watching television, and gossiping about television. She actually has her own unique interests. She is her own person. She is not like almost every other girl i see on campus who either wears ugg boots&North Face jackets&whatever other ludicrously expensive status-buying clothing or cell phone gadgets they have prominantly displayed; nor is she one of those girls who joins one of the various counter culture type groups and tries to be "unique" by dressing and acting exactly like every other person in that group and crying for attention by dying their hair or wearing some outlandish clothing. She just is who she is, not who she thinks other people want her to be, or who she thinks she would like to emulate. That to me is the most attractive trait a girl could possibly have. It indicates to me that the girl is interested in more substantial things than what other people think of her, which seems to by far be the primary and imperative concern of most women.

Not to sound sexist (though I know I already have). The vast majority of dudes are also concerned with menial shit - and though they don't seem quite as concerned in general about what other people think of them, this is not because women are inherently bad or shallow or something like that - its just a result of the social construction of our society. in any case, if you haven't noticed yet I'm pretty cynical.

Also, I think I should clarify some things because in the heat of ranting I'm not sure I represented the situation entirely accurately. The honest truth is maybe I COULD have a chance with her - but I have no idea because I've never tried because, frankly, I'm too big a pussy and wouldn't begin to know how to go about it. And obviously if her problems are as bad or worse than mine then she's CERTAINLY not going to make the move. So to be fair, this is all probably more my fault than anything - though obviously its pretty much impossible to try to even so much as have a conversation with her when that guy is always around her when she's home. All this is part of the reason I edited/removed my original post.

 

Guys, let's stick to the OP's topic ok? Just a friendly reminder.

Peace,

Musikero

 

Be yourself huh?

Lol, bad advice for a 19 year old guy, you're probably a horny little toad.

Start of by getting yourself some female friends who you dont think about sex around. If you are only going to bother try getting on with girls that have an awesome rack, well thats your real problem.

And then when it comes to the girl you are interested in, never get sleazy, never talk about sex and initially never ever let them catch you looking below the neck.

And dont do that fake macho bullshit thing, either you are a guy thats the leader of the pack or you arent, try make out you are and thats like one of the biggest girl repellants, lets them know how clueless you are.

Guys like George Clooney, the reason they do well with the girls is only half about what they look like, the other half is the way they look at girls. Smooth, in control, in their eyes, into them. Not the guy who's eyes are focused on and drooling over the boobage.

Confidence issues are just as much about controling the influence of the little general as they are what you look like

 

the way I see it, improve yourself for you, so that you can live a happier life (being more comfortable with yourself and all..)

don't go into this self-improvement thing with the notion that you're doing it to 'get a girl'... do it for yourself. and hopefully everything else will fall into place.

but think about it.. there are a lot of people who are already confident... and can't seem to 'find someone'... so bettering yourself might not land you a girl. sometimes it just takes time.

 

Sorry, I selfishly derailed this one; easy for me to do that with topics like this that hit so close to home for me.


My advice is stop caring about your appearance, because women aren't nearly as focused on appearance in a mate as men are. Where the factor for men that determines how desirable a woman is is usually physical attractiveness, for women the main factor is almost certainly confidence.

Now you mention having a self-confidence problem, but you said that it is linked to your physical appearance - you think women won't be interested because you're not attractive, therefore you have no confidence. You've got it backwards man. Women aren't going for you because you're not confident, but you're not confident because you think women aren't going for you because you're overweight. . . its one of those vicious cycles. Realize that your appearance really doesn't matter much and you should be off in the right direction.

 

This is one of the most simple questions really!
You have to believe.
To gain that belief talk to every damn girl you see, get rejected, brush it off, talk to more girls and eventually, you'll improve your confidence. Have something to say, walk up with a smile and keep at it, really.