every time i get high i think " this isnt worth it, what am i doing oxycontin is such a money pit, i need to stop this" and when im not high i feind out like crazy what the fuck
yeah a long one. idk though every thing is better high. im more friendly, work better, more motivated...
so yeah i just had a break through. took a look at myself and what im doing, who im surrounding myself with, making some big changes, cutting down my use alot.
Sometimes all you need is that little motivation. It takes a lot to say that about yourself. We rarely take a step back and see our lives for what they really are. Im proud of ya buddy
whenever i start out a run, i feel great when i dose. my depression lifts, i feel confident, friendly, motivated. the list goes on. the problem is i keep dosing every day and my tolerance builds steadily. after a couple weeks of doing it every day im taking twice as much as i was when i started. also even tho it gets me high, it dosnt make me quiet as happy. the longer it goes on the worse it gets, and often gets to the point where im just taking more so i just WD. opiates can be hard to resist for me if i have em. like whenever i re-up i just keep doing em till i run out. this has been problematic recently because im buying 20+ OC 80s so i can get the price break. at the end of my most recent run i was doing a whole 80 in a day, when i started that run i would take 20-25mg for a dose. that builds to 30-40 at a time, and then multiple doses a day. like my last couple days it was like 30 in the morning, 30 in the evening, then another 20 later in the night. i sat there one day and did like 60mg and didn't feel nearly as good as when i took 20mg a couple weeks before. opiates are a tolerance game for sure. im still trying to feel out a good method for regulating my dose. ive got some pretty severe depression along with some other issues and taking opiates gives me a break from the misery for a few hours. its really unhealthy i know i should be entering some kind of therepy/medication regimen soon so hopefully that will hope some. i used to drink everyday, i kindof prefer taking opiates tho. both of them kill my social anxiety but alcohol really wrecks my body. im on a workout schedule and drinking really fucks with that. opiates on the other hand work just fine, i can take a little before i go work out, or not, the point is theres no hangover. blah blah blah anyway opiates are great, in fact their just a little too good
"idk though every thing is better high." For me thats the whole problem, I kind of wish I never felt how great it feels when I am high. Life just kinda sucks when Im not high but thats because I know the High. Sometimes ignorance is bliss and If I never knew how great it feels to be high then I would have nothing to obsess about when Im sober. I was a pot head in high school, spent a few years semi sober, then a drunk for about 4 years.... now my love is opiates.... and my god opiates is a beast.... I dont even think about drinking anymore what so ever, such a waste of time that was. For me with opiates, Its a double sided coin, Feels like heaven on earth when im high, but makes me kind of hate life when im not. But that's addiction in a nutshell i guess.
ive got a very similar problem, alot of what you guys said, i think/do/say all the time. i too have severe depression and social anxiety that seems to kind of get swept under the rug when im high. im overall more talkative and social and have a way better sense of well being in general when im high. and i can never seem to just tell myself "well, ok, ill get high tonight and not again this week" especially if i have alot and now today and for the last 2 days ive been paying for it, i get chills and stomach pains and muscle aches, so obviously, its kinda hard to get a nights rest feeling like this. but i guess we all have our vices....
I think it takes an enormous amount of courage and self-awareness to step back and take an honest look at one's life, especially where opiates are concerned. I was clean for years, then I hurt myself over the winter and the first thing they did at the ER was give me IV morphine and some valium, and it was like someone flipped a switch in my head. I didn't try to kid myself that it was any different from shooting dope, but I DID convince myself that it was okay because the pain is intense and the meds are prescribed. The problem now is, I really can't do much of anything when I don't have SOME kind of analgesia, I've tried the non-narcotic options and they didn't work, but of course I have a tendency to take more of the pills even when the pain's been subdued, because I love the way they make me feel. And that makes me feel like shit when I think about it. So I try not to think about it, and really? I feel like I'm being dishonest with myself and other people on some level, because while the pain is legit, my motives for taking a larger dose may not be, at least not all the time. I give you credit for trying to work this out. If you can do it now, while you're young, I think that's great. This isn't a recovery forum, but my hat is off to anyone who can shake the opiate monkey off their back and keep it off.
yeah i know what you guys/gals are saying. i too am going through some pretty bad depression. i've been on anti-meds since september now, but the depression has only lifted slightly. but man, when i take a few extra pills from my med supply, the opiate high greets me with open arms. i totally agree that everything is better high. im more social, not nervous at all, i just feel great. but like blitz said, everyday use cause tolerance to sky rocket. i started on my meds in november/08, back then i could pop 3-4 percs and have that warm fuzzy feeling. nowaday i need atleast 300mg oxy to feel a slight buzz. so obviously this is no longer a daily thing. more like a monthly thing, if even that. but i shouldn't have to rely on opiates to enjoy life, and hopefully someday i'll actually feel that way.
yeah my friends had a talk with me cuz i guess one of our good friends is going downhill fast, and they basically said u got real friends and drug friends. he got fired from his job, dropped out of college and is staying at our other friends house whose father is prescribed 270 80s a month, and we dont like direction hes going, and i dont wanna end up like him so im cutting back, and making some changes.
I know exactly how all you guys are feeling, and it fuckin blows. I know i won't be able to ever stop opiates, because i now know how great life is with them. But lately, when i do my oxy, i dont get the warm fuzzy feeling i used to. Instead little things tick me off, to the point where my high is ruined.. I turn apathetic and cold towards everything. I started using oxy to combat my depressed moods, and to take the place of my very bad ecstasy addiction. but is it possible that my brain is so chemically altered now that not even the perfect chemical could bring me back up for just a few hours?
man i though cranky and dilly were the same person because of the same display pic. i was wondering why dilly kept switching her sig haha just thought i'd let everyone know that
It reminds me of the one I had with Chris Kattan from Night at the Roxbury with the head bopping. We're gonna confuse the fuck outta people posting b2b like this.:rofl:
