Finally got some shrooms...what a strange trip

Hey guys, I have been looking around for quite a while and finally got some shrooms tuesday. My roommate and I took them yesterday after classes...

Each of the other times I have taken shrooms I threw up from the anxiety of anticipation. Well this time we smoked first instead to calm down and keep my mind busy. Then we went out on the porch for a black & mild (I know they suck, but i quit cigs and its the first nice day in months), and I brought out my guitar. Just playing guitar, smoking outside, watching hundreds of cars go by, is kinda my safe feeling I guess because I felt very comfortable.

After about 45 minutes I was convinced I was fine and wouldn't throw up. So we locked up the house, grabbed the backpack we already packed up with sweatshirts, notebooks, colored pencils, huge vitamin waters, ipods, candy, and took off towards campus.

The walk over was kind of a haze and not really any interaction, just observation. When we arrived there is a carnival thing going on in the quad so we did a lap around the quad and checked out all the activity. Ok, enough BS'ing, time to go deep into the woods to our favorite creek.

We took about a half mile trail to a big rock that went over it, with a nice open field on the opposite side, complete peace and silence (except for the running water and singing birds). I just sat there and watched the clouds morph, did a couple drawings but it wasn't really keeping my attention. After about an hour of just chilling and talking, we decided to return home.

Walking back through campus was odd, but once we got to the backroads headed towards our house we were fine. We walked passed the house because it was nice out and did a neighborhood block lap, and then came back home. We smoked and went back to the front porch, my roommate with snacks and me with my acoustic.

I got into an awesome jam and we were just kinda groovin/dancin on the porch and cars that were stopped at the light would put their windows down to listen and bob their heads/honk their horns. It was all very friendly and happy, and my playing reflected this feeling.

After a while, we went back inside because our other roommate and her mother came over and started talking to us, and it was just strange to meet someone that you have to look good for in that state. So we went upstairs, put on some grateful dead and just chatted about life and death and the purpose of life.

Very oddly I had recurring thoughts of killing myself. Now, I was not considering it at all, and knew it was a dumb thought, but I kept thinking about it. I realized that I really don't know who I am. I don't know what I want, so its hard to work to get what I want.

Everyone's opinion is just that, an opinion. But why do some opinions have to become standards? Everything I wanted to do seemed like it would get me in some sort of trouble. Like dancing on the sidewalk for example...I would love to do that, but usually only while high, or tripping. But I cannot because people would think it was strange, and then cops, etc. Or even just jumping around spending energy, people would think me to be mad! I agree with law enforcement for safety purposes, but some laws make no sense...and who is to say that those people decide what we can and cannot do?

I think stealing, killing, and harassing should be illegal. As long as you are not bothering or hurting anyone, you should be able to do whatever you want to without looking suspicious or getting in trouble. Anyways...

I was realizing that all I really want is my own home, and money for food. I want food and shelter, everything else is just extra fun. I realized I want a steady job making plenty of money so I can buy the things I desire...money is a huge source of stress for me.

Right now I am in college, got another year and a half left...and all I can do is wait. I feel like there is nothing to do but wait, I do drugs to pass the time. I said all of this, and I just kinda sat on the edge of my bed tapping my foot...just waiting to get hungry, and satisfy that.

So basically I am left with, I am doing everything I can right now to get what I want/need. I have to be patient because college is a long process. I just get bored and my thoughts get the best of me. I have real bad anxiety problems, and tripping shrooms with the purpose of depleting this problem has been extremely helpful to me...so why can't I do it?

Oh well, that is enough for now, hope you enjoyed/related.

 

Man I know exactly how you feel; I'm in the same boat. Have about a year and a half left myself but want nothing more than to just leave off to somewhere new; but like you said, it's just a wait that needs to happen, we'll thank ourselves later. Sounds like you had a really good trip and got some really positive insight to yourself, kudos and I hope all your future ones are as rewarding; and just keep getting through college man, so close!

 

thanks man. my first two were much more insightful and rewarding. I learned a ton about myself the first couple times. I found out that my problems were caused by anxiety, and quit smoking, just a lot of good lessons. the second time i took a little notebook with me and drew pictures and wrote myself important notes about how to live life happily and freely. that book means more to me than anything i own.

 

Wonderful report man, I can relate to you in a number of ways.

 

it wasnt meant to be that long, but it just kinda happened. i guess report is a good word lol

 

peace bro, happynes and good fortune,

 

what is this nonsense?!

 

Its like a german ad for penis pills.

 

haha, lame.

 

Haha 'penis pills'


I enjoyed reading your report.

 

Quote: "I just kinda sat on the edge of my bed tapping my foot...just waiting to get hungry, and satisfy that."

That’s powerful testimony on the emptiness of life. Life is full; life is empty; life goes on. And having been in that empty place, where do you go? Do you say to yourself, what’s the use – nothing happening but waiting around for the next sensation, the next hot fudge sundae and then a cigarette and then hey, I think I’ll masturbate, and later, see if anyone’s around, and smoking some and then gorging on whatever is around and later bedtime and tomorrow it’s variations on a theme and you’re beginning to understand why Hindus and Buddhists see getting off the wheel as a good thing.

So you could look at it in a number of ways. One way would be (and I’m not saying you should do this – I’m just suggesting you look at it as an option) to ask yourself, why me (talking about you, Fox)? Why was I given these opportunities or why did I take these risks to learn more about myself and the world and deeper things as well? And do I really care why? Isn’t it enough to catch these glimpses of beauty and grace, even when interspersed with the dross of emptiness and meaninglessness.

Though I came from a different place (war) than you, what worked for me was the realization that being alive is a blessing in itself and then to have visions and insight (and not all good either), was grace. Grace is when it happens and you don’t necessarily deserve it and is blessing upon blessing.

And then there was the realization that this gift of life was not to be wasted with meaningless work for money and the illusions of security. My path was in service to people with terminal illness and poor and lost people. It could have just as well been in service to abused children or any number of other directions along the same road. It hasn’t been all beauty and virtue by any means, but this life as a quest has not been wasted and I’m more than 60 years into it. And service certainly isn’t the only answer. I have a friend, for example, who has spent much of the last 35 years in the Wind Rivers and Beartooths – a different life, a different quest, and believe me, extravagant beauty.

We are born to be healed.

(Everyone who responded to your post - maybe even the Levitra guy - wishes you well, and that's not nothing)

 

Wonderful post man.

 

thanks for your words. i havent quite wrapped my head around all of it, but ill look back to it again