Please tell me what you think! My word One word I own, Is what I give, One chance to hold, One time to live. I never knew, That I discovered, About the pain, That always hovered. In the background, I always heard, The way that's gone, My life still stirred. And now, I ask, Did I not see, The wind roll by, Now I am free? One word I own, And it is this: One chance to take, The chance I missed.
well, ill be honest. firstly, thank you for your comments on my word plays. secondly, i felt that this poem was about seizing the moment; carpe diem, but only a failed attempt to take on the world on your own terms. i also felt this poem was borderline cliché. not that it was, but close. i think you managed to steer away from that in an effective style. i know nothing of poem structure and lay out, but i really loved your first stanza. when i read it i thought, 'one life to live, like time through an hour glass' hehe, you know, like the soap operas. i suggest tightening your poem down from generalization to specification. not easy to do. but rewarding. thanks for sharing.
thank you so much! I'll try to shorten it and get to the point quicker. I think I'll take out the 2nd stanza, which I feel is the most cliché. Once again thank you for reading my poems and contributing.
