How far would you go for a friend?

Discussion in 'Rainbow Family' started by Fireball, Apr 16, 2009.

  1. Fireball

    Fireball Member

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    Ok.. here's my story. I have this friend, we've been friends for a very long time (like almost 20 years). Her, and her husband, their 5 yr old, 2 snakes, 2 cats, and a dog, suddenly needed a place to stay. My husband and I have a small 2bdrm trailer in a sleepy town. Not nearly enough room, but we agreed to have them anyway.
    It has turned into a nightmare. They have completely taken over our house, their animals have ruined flooring (especially one of the cats) from one end to the other, their kid breaks shit, they don't care what she does, as long as it's not their shit.
    Now, suddenly the hubby has gone to jail, and I'm now suddenly the house bitch. I was handed the job of daycare for the girl, that was ok, but they could have asked, right? not just assumed I would/could do it. M decides everything, and has decided that because I'm an online student, that I have to do all of the house work, watch her kid, do dishes, and make all the meals. She is paying the cable bill because they wanted cable, and she's also spending about 300-400 a month in food. (that's for 4 adults and a child) My husband works 12 hour shifts, and we are paying a truck loan, a mortgage, lot rent, and the utilities, which have more than tripled since they've been here.
    Am I wrong to think that with all that's going on, that if I get my husband to dishes for me, or anything else,that it's really any of her business at all?? I have Fibro, and a few other med problems that have led to us getting this house and taking a break from the road for a while. For as many couches as I've surfed in my time, I don't think I'd have lasted in anyone spot for long if I acted like these people do.
    I feel bad for wanting to kick them out, she's the only one with a job, makin $10/hr, and there is no way that they could make it on their own, which wouldn't bother me, but I can't toss out a 5yr old, ya know?
    what should I do to get my house back?
     
  2. zencoyote

    zencoyote Member

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    Go to mapquest...get directions to the nearest Social Services office...print them out...give them to her as you boot her...close door (being careful not to hit her in the ass) DONE!
     
  3. Dylanchick0113

    Dylanchick0113 Member

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    Have a good talk with this chick,, tell her she's being fucked up, and if she doesnt change and try to find a way outta your house then boot em,, Theres places that help families like hers,,screw that
     
  4. LilaBlue

    LilaBlue Member

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    They are taking advantage of you. Give them a time limit to find a place and stick to it. Don't feel guilty because they will find someone else to leech off of.

    If you feel bad about kicking out a friend could you blame it on the park saying you can't have that many people/animals in your small trailer?
     
  5. dormouse

    dormouse Member

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    i agree with zencoyote. if you don't want to be so harsh give her a set time to get out THEN hand her the map to the Social Service office.

    i had the same thing happen to me 3 yrs ago. "best friend" my ass. an arrogant lazy unappreciative constantly whining demanding bitch with an amplified sense of entitlement. how could she be that way to me when i was providing her with food, shelter and loving support? i'm still so hurt and mad. she made me she like a fool loving her and believing we were "best friends". never in a million years would i have believed i could the feel the ugly feelings i was feeling towards her. her! my beloved "best friend" together since we where in diapers. being 9 months older i helped her learn to walk. i'm stilll flabbergasted and i find it hard to believe in friendship at all anymore now. **sigh**

    Fireball, don't let your love for your friend blind you to her appalling behavior. she's using you. you don't want to believe it but it's true. she's pushing you, demeaning you in your own house and getting away with as much as she wants b/c she believes you'll never risk the destruction of the friendship. she feels safe and in control. don't allow her to do this to you. she isn't your friend anymore. i'm sure you and she loved each other very much. you still love her but ya know what? she doesn't love you. look at her behavior. look at it. and look into her eyes. there's where the telling is. is your friend still in there? do you even know who she is anymore.

    i speak from experience.
     
  6. Lady of the Freaks

    Lady of the Freaks Senior Member

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    if you're gonna let people dominate you on your own turf and take advantage of you, you're gonna have a rough life. this is one of those times when being 'nice' makes no sense at all.
     
  7. hippiehillbilly

    hippiehillbilly the old asshole

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    tell them if they/she is going to stay she will have to pay half of EVERYTHING ,ALL THE BILLS as well as the groceries and that she will be required to clean up after her and her brood. NO EXCEPTIONS.


    that will more than likely get rid of her..lol


    if she argues tell her if they had a place of their own she would be having to pay for everything and clean up after themselves etc. anyway. the way you see it having her pay only half the bills is doing her a favor.


    if she bitches then,tell her she has a week to get the fuck out of YOUR house.
     
  8. Mr.Good Cat

    Mr.Good Cat Member

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    My main question is, how long have they been there ? If they have been there for a wile, over a month, then it's time to move on.. She should have been working on this the whole time they were with you. she should also pay you more money... the cable is for them if they cant afford it after paying you half of the utilities then they need to start reading more... The pets, come on, that's all too much. Don't get me wrong i really like well behaved pets but those that aren't, too bad c ya if you cant behave inside, have fun outside. She has to be able to get food stamps or something, those should be handed off to you and should not count toward "rent", they cost her nothing. O yea also... get your homework done, if you don't have time to do the other stuff b/c of your studies then you don't have time, that's on her. School costs money and you aren't doing it to fuck off, toss money and valuable time down the tubes are you?? Let her know that it hurts your feelings when her kid breaks things of yours. and try not to bitch at her I'm sure it's not all bad you guys have been buddies for a wile... take it easy and good luck
     
  9. Fireball

    Fireball Member

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    LOL I have to admit, everyone of you have said the same thing Jason and I have been thinking all along. I guess it's just nice to hear it from other sources. They got here in Sept. end of the month... I understand that they don't want to uproot a 5 yr old this close to the end of school, and I am sympathetic to that, however, the child is demon spawn through and through. Jason and I haven't had more than one night alone in this house since the before the wedding. I'm done with it. it's just too much drama for me.
    and dormouse, I know what you mean. She was my maid of honor... but now that she is getting married in Aug. I am in the wedding party, but I will not have any input.... I'm not sure I won't be out of town that weekend..... where's a good place to be mid-Aug yall??
    But really, you're all right, and sometimes I need to be reminded to not be a freekin dormat. Thanx guys
     
  10. sobebella

    sobebella Member

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    iv seen this many a time :/

    its ok to be freinds but when you gota live togeather, you just want some ROOOM, at first it can be nice, but in the end it can realy screw up a freindship. best way to do it is to just sit em (or her down if the guys still in jail) and tell them/her that they needa start pulling there weight by helping around the house or something. this will do one of two things: theyll leave because they dont wana do the work, or theyll help and life'll be a little more tollerable :)


    and like mr.goodcat was sayin, they needa find there own place too, but that can be hard to do. give them a reasonable time to look and deal with there problems if thats what you want to do, but in the end you have to do whats best for your family.
     
  11. zencoyote

    zencoyote Member

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    6+ months? You're no doormat...you're an enabler. Well, maybe.
    I have to ask. When these folks moved in did you set any ground rules? If not, you put yourself in the position you're in. You do find out who your friends are when you live together. Ha...

    Sorry if my first post seemed a little heartless. I've been through it once too often. The rules in my house are...if you stop by for a few days or a week, you're a guest. Any longer and you're sharing my residence. Pitch in, however your able, or kick rocks.

    Zen
     
  12. Fireball

    Fireball Member

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    There were no ground rules really. I know that's my own fault, but I've never had to really lay down any laws, for all the kidz that have come through and stayed... no matter where I was living... all I ever had to say to any road dog is don't trash my place. If these durty schwilly kidz can figure that out.... why can't a momma with a college degree??? Jason and I are spending the day today cleaning, since we have the house to ourselves for a few hours. Thanx for all the advice. We decided to let things go untill school is out. I still care more about the kid than anything... even tho she's a spoiled, rude, obnoxious, spawn of satan. And the thing with the food stamps... they took her FS when she got that job. She can't even manage to get around to getting her kid back on MA right now. and the kid has severe asthma and needs frequent trips to the ER in the middle of the night.... She is off today to go hang out with some old flame, while she has the freedom before Dorey gets out of jail... and she wants me to lie for her about it because she told him she was going out with some girl from work.
    Anyway.. I'll stop rambling and get back to my cleaning... Lovin y'all... missin the road bad
     
  13. dormouse

    dormouse Member

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    i hope you've told the spoiled rude obnoxious spawn of satan that she has until her kid's school lets out to get her shit together.
     
  14. LilaBlue

    LilaBlue Member

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    Whether or not there were ground rules you don't go into someone elses house as a guest and take over and act like they are your hand maids. They should be thankful that someone was there for them and show their appreciation.

    They have been there for over 6 months which is plenty of time to find a place if they wanted to, but why would they? They have a built-in maid, babysitter, and alibi supplier. They are NEVER going to leave on their own without a very BIG push (right out the front door).
     
  15. Fireball

    Fireball Member

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    Lila, you are right, and they have been given untill the end of June. Jason and I have a lot of family and friends coming around this summer, and I WILL have room for them this year! His sister is jetting married in June, and we would have liked to have some of the family stay here for it, but we can't cuz we already have too much going on.
     
  16. bekyboo52

    bekyboo52 52~unknown~52

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    send her to canada! lol just kidding. if you really dont want to kick her out you could compromise... eg she does dishes and al least attempts daycare and you do stuff like before sort of and tell her no pets................that might work..... but i still think kicking a 5 year old out is kinda mean. damn you have a tough situation.
     
  17. dormouse

    dormouse Member

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    IMO, Fireball and her hubby are not in any way shape or form mean. they have been more than kind, more than patient allowing those rude unpaying guests and all their unruly kids and pets to stay in their home SINCE SEPTEMBER last yr(!). the overstaying guests with kids can't have gotten their shit together in 10 months(!) then they can apply at Social Services for gov assistance. it's not Fireball's responsibility to provide free shelter and food indefinately to ingrates just b/c they have kids.
     
  18. sobebella

    sobebella Member

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    agreed, kinda harsh when you say it though >.<
     
  19. Sadhu

    Sadhu Member

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    A true moral dilemma. Do onto them as you would have someone do unto you. Which is more complicated than it sounds.
     
  20. lithium

    lithium frogboy

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    I would go to Luton, perhaps Milton Keynes.
     

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