I don't know what to do, any advice, please.

There is this girl who I am madly in love with. We are really good friends, and have been for a long while now. She doesn't know how I feel, well, not to this extent anyway. Everytime I am near her I just want to grab her and hold her and never let go. She is the one I want to be with forever. The problem is, is that she has been through a lot. And I mean a lot.
Her past relationships have been horrible. One she was abused in, the other cheated on. And the most recent thing was she was raped. I know she doesn't think I am like that, but I can tell its really affected her big time. She always puts on a smile and is so very sweet, but underneath I know she is in agony.
She thinks I am going to hurt her, and I would never dream of such a thing. How do I let her know that, how much longer do I have to wait? I want to tell her this, but for fear that nothing will come of it and that it will ruin what we already have. And secondly she is going through a lot of medical problems, and I dont want to bother her with this. I want to be there supporting her, but she pushes me away. She says that its not fair for me to have to deal with her and her problems, that it makes her feel bad. And that it embarrasses her. I hear her crying a lot with the torment she has to go through, but she doesn't let me hold her, she hides it. She will go to the bathroom and then come out like nothing is wrong.
I love her so much and want to take care of her and be there for her. What can I do to make her realize that I am for real, and I mean everything that I say?
Sorry, this probably doesn't make sense. Any adivce would help grately. Thanks.

 

It makes perfect sense brodah. My advice would be just keep doing what you are doing. Don't push it too hard, but also don't get too far apart. Even if she won't get physical right now or consider herself your girlfriend, she is still in your life. That is better than not at all, no? Just be there for her, listen to her, do nice things for her without being too overwhelming. In time things will progress if that is what is meant to be. You can't control feelings or situations, so just go with what feels right inside. Which to me, sounds like keeping her in your life in any way possible.

 

If you'll listen to an older guy? Tell her. Whatever happens, let it be HER decision. But, let her know. She may be afraid to tell YOU she feels the same bacause of all the Crap sandwiches life gave her so far. Good Luck!

 

I cant offer any advice, but I know what your going through, to an extent. I have fallen for a good friend of mine too...and its sucky..cuz I dont wanna be a persuer..and I dont wanna make our friendship awkward..besides.he lives far from me too.but ..I cant help the way I feel when I think about him or talk to him..but hes going throu a lot too...right now im just trying to be a fdaithful friend to him..but I wish I was so much more.

 

Thank you all so much. I talked to her, and I was so close telling her exactly how I feel. I got half way when she said that I could do better than her. She says that with her health problems, so doesn't want it to interfer with my life. They are not that bad of health problems, but she said that she might not be able to have kids, and she said that that isnt fair to me. And I told her that I didnt care about that, that I just want to be with her. When I see her suffer with the pain she goes through, i want to be there, but she wont let me, she hides it and says she is fine but i know she is not. I just want her to let me take care of her. So frustrating, but she is worth it so very much. She just thinks that if we are together that cause of the problems with her health its not fair for me, she said that she would feel so bad bothering me with it and such. But I want to be bothered with it, I love her. This sucks, I wish she would listen and not be so stubborn. Maybe I will wait and then have another talk with her. How can I make her see though that I dont care about all of that, that I think she is amazing and I want to be with her? Thats all I want.
Thanks you all for all your advice, it helped alot and I appreciate it so much. Thanks everyone

 

your story sounds a lot like mine, so maybe hearing it will help.

i am a lady who is madly in love with her best friend. i met matt three years ago; we became friends instantly. i can certainly relate to the lady in your story. i've gone through many horrible relationships, as well... and nobody got to see my cry or hold my hand. we've all got our sob stories, and i feel like i can relate to her.

you sound a lot like my boyfriend. matt stood next to me through everything, even though i wouldn't express what was going on. about six months ago, he kissed me unexpectedly. he had never told me he had feelings for me. this is by far the best relationship i've ever been in, and i know we will be together for a long time. i've taken down a lot of walls, and it kind of surprises me. i try not to be as closed off, but my boyfriend is really understanding about it. i was pretty scared at first. i didn't know if i could risk losing him as a friend, and i didn't want to hurt him. i've gotten a lot better about opening up, at least. what we have now is so amazing. oh, and the sex? it's insanely wonderful.

it sounds like if you're able to ease her concerns, it might help. i'm sure there's more to it than her health problems, though. deep down she knows you're golden. anyway, good luck. don't lose hope yet.

 

perhaps say just what you said.. really just look her in the eyes and tell the truth like you told it on good old hip fourms.. "I don't care about that. I think you are amazing. I want to be with you, care for you, blablabla... I love you."
How can she argue with you honest feelings? Also.. let her know that you have no expectations of her.. especially after what she's been through.