song lyrics would like some opinions

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by lrkst, May 2, 2009.

  1. lrkst

    lrkst Member

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    i trying to start writing songs, and would like some people's opinions on their lyrics. and any advice would be greatly apperciated. right now i just got the first verse and second part will probaly be the chorus.

    when i was just a young boy
    on the banks of the ouachita
    watchin the sunset
    and fishin with my pawpaw
    he had a plug of chew in
    and was spittin out advice
    tellin me how to be a man
    while we were hopin to get a bite

    he told me to love the lord
    be thankful for all i get
    live life one day at a time
    enjoying every minute
     
  2. need_to_know

    need_to_know Member

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    I think this is on it's way to being very good. Maybe work on the rhyme scheme a little bit but over all this sounds like it has a lot of potential:)
     
  3. lrkst

    lrkst Member

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    thanks for the encouragment
     

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