the 'female friend' -- or something more?

so recently i guess i have kind of gotten a little crush on one of my female friends. we have been really good friends for quite a while now and i really don't have any other female friends that i am that close to. we hang out sometimes and occasionally we will have some rediclously long phone conversations. i am practically the only person she spends time with, if she isn't with me she is home alone. but hanging out with her is alot of fun, and we can talk about anything.

so basically i brought up the fact that i liked her, and we talked about it some. she just wanted to stay friends, for a few reasons:

1) she said she didn't want to get involved in a relationships right now because they are too complicated and she wants to be single for a while.

2) she said that she didn't really feel any chemistry between us -- now i guess it's more of a sexual chemistry she was talking about, because we have i guess... a 'fun' chemistry.

3) she wanted some time to get over her old boyfriend.

4) she didn't want to ruin our friendship

so basically, she doesn't want to get involved in a relationship because her old boyfriend was a jackass and has ruined her perception of a relationship. so now she is afraid to get into a relationship with me. so i mean why the hell should i have to pay for his being a jackass? how can i get her out of this cycle and come to realise that you have to open yourself back up again? or should i just give her time? or should i back off entirely and just continue being friends? it's just the way i see it we are practically already going out, except for we don't have sex... so, i mean why the hell not? maybe i need to move on and forget about it, this seems like a waste of time. we would of course still be friends though.

 

I don't want to sound mean but I think you need to re-read #2. That is worth considering.

Please don't try to "get her out" of anything.. if she truly is stuck in some cycle and needs to learn to open her heart and mind again, no one can force her to do that. That's a process of healing and evolution that needs to come from within. I'm sorry but either she's truly not interested in a romantic relationship with you and/or she needs time to process her last relationship and learn to trust and love again.

 

It's pretty obvious that she doesn't like you like that. She said that there isn't any chemistry between you two, that right there means she's not interested. You need to find some different pussy and forget about her for a while. If she is truly interested she will make a move!

 

I think you missed her very clear message that she's not at all interested in you....she gave you many good and honest reasons, why make a production out of it?!

either you respect her and enjoy the friendship you have- or move on...its quite simple really.

 

man, you guys on these sections of the forums are kinda harsh haha! i'd prefer brutal honesty though.

i guess the problem i have is that we are practically like a couple except we aren't. she even wants me to go on a vacation with her out of the country -- with just the two of us. she heavily relies on me for emotional support, and it just seems a bit unfair that i should have to assume that role without actually being her sig. other.

that is part of what is going on. that is some wise advice, which i will not take lightly.

well it's not that i missed it, i think that it is more that it hurts to be rejected by someone that is that close to you. i guess the problem i have is a fear that her rejection was due to aspects of myself which she didn't like. what i'd really like to hear is that she just doesn't think of me like that. i.e. it's her not me.

but hey, it's easier to pick up chicks if your with a girl right? she would make a great wingman.

 

I've been in the same boat for a long while. I have this friend that I've known since we were kids. We dated when we were in high school for a while, but I only viewed her as a really good friend then, but a year or two after we broke up, I started to really like her, but the circumstances weren't right. We were both in a serious relationship. If she's hanging out with someone, it's always me. She's at my house every night or I'm at her's. Everyone swears we are having sex. We basically are a full blown couple, just without the sex or title. I told her that I cared for her about a year ago, and she said she didn't want to ruin our friendship (and she was with someone. I just wanted to get it in the open). She's now married (it's a very rocky marriage and isn't going to last much longer) and her husband is abusive, in the Air Force stationed in Germany. He hates that we hangout so much (and I love that he does), because he knows how we are when we're together, but she wouldn't ever even consider changing things between us, despite what he would say or do.

It's easier to just stay friends in my opinion. It could be the best relationship you'd ever have or it could ruin your friendship. It's risky.

 

you see, i don't see why it has to ruin the friendship. i have known plenty of people that have remained very good friends after ending a relationship. i'm not exactly looking for my soulmate here.

 

I'm friends with every ex of mine, but I think, at least in my case with my best friend, it would probably hinder the relationship. It definitely wouldn't be the same.

 

Give her time...

 

a woman respects a man more if he will respect her space and her decisions. if it makes you feel uncomfortable being just her friend, then you need to just get out of the friendship and bail. You are making yourself miserable and your female friend is clearly oblivious. If you feel that it's unfair that she is leaning on you for emotional support and isn't relying on you to be her boyfriend, then seriously, quit being her friend. otherwise this whole situation is going to make you a mad bitter person towards her and in the end you're going to get hurt. she clearly needs a friend and views you as her friend and nothing more. if you can't handle it then move on. i'm not trying to sound cold hearted but you've laid the facts out for us.

from experience, if a woman says she doesn't want a relationship, she will respect you a whole lot more if you respect that and maintain your emotions about her.

 

Once you are in friend territory, it is hard to get out, very hard.

Plus, you are her emotional crutch.

You don't have a chance and need to move on.

Oh you haven't seen anything. Want me to point you in the direction of a board that exemplifies this ten fold? With the added description of many years of wisdom, experience and intelligence to boot.

 

"Want me to point you in the direction of a board that exemplifies this ten fold? With the added description of many years of wisdom, experience and intelligence to boot."

Yeah! I would if you don't mind.