HOLY MIND FUCK at first dead show: Trip Report

THIS IS A BIT OF A LONG READ... hope you enjoy, sorry if you don't relate.

I've been getting into the Grateful Dead the last 5 years, and had to go. Packed a cooler, which i left at the house, and went to the circus.

the only tickets i could find were 3rd row right in front of Warren, dumped all my money into tickets, and was off to meet up with my doses. DRIP, DRIP. "is that gonna do it?" "If that didn't, this will" DRIP, DRIP! I mozied down to my seat...as the show started. 1000+mics here we go!

I had dosed around 15 times the last 3 years. Only once was i near this level, at a GD cover band show, much smaller, and more comfy vibe.

3rd row was way too intense for my first dead show, very little dancing room. It was Excellent until the train hit me 30 minutes after dropping. It sucked to have a bunch of stiffies all around me lost in their own worlds, on their phones texting and draging me down, the whole show!

I was very lucky. I went with a great friend who turned me ON the first time, and has been to 300+ Greatful Dead shows. He was one of 3 people i had known or could recognize despite my condition. He and i both had to leave groups of people lots of times, cause EVERYONE WAS out of their skulls, and we were all tripping each other out bad.

Just before drums and space we had to leave. I Flipped out. I became Warrens energy, and felt as though i controlled the band, time, space and all of everyones energy. At first it was rockin and fast, blew me away. Then It took me to the bottom. Everything slowed way down, and i felt everyones energy freakin out. Warrens guitar then reached into my soul asking for me to play better, warmer, harder and faster and more lively like i was earlier. I couldn't take it. I turned around and had appologized to the stadium and everyone in my life for taking everyone's energy down. I bolted, and had to get out of that vibe, and let the show go on without my "controll". I felt like i was cancer, and didn't want to be that in the eyes of the band or the crowd, Just couldn't handle anyone anymore, I was a newbie in a sea of 30-60 year olds, it seemed. Went out to the lot and chilled at the car. so far i still knew who i was.

my good friend had done everything to prepare me for what was about to happen, prior to the night.

All of a sudden the train was passing the venue, The train whistle sent me for the biggest adventure of my life. I felt that Lucy was trying to tell me something, something that i couldn't avoid anymore.. My good friend tried to help me figure it out but he was out of his skull too.

The train wouldn't pass for what seemed like an hour. Forcing me to face ultimate truths, and all i thought I could avoid. I thought i knew who i was, and where i was but i lost it. Lost it all. I was back and forth between belief and disbelief. i quickly became convinced i was leaving this new dimension for a more far out dimension. I believed that everything prior to that in my life was a dimension i would never find again. I Faced it. I accepted i may never reconnect with my family or anyone ever again. I entered a twilight zone, and i knew and was set free of everything. i had no name, and time didn't exist. Heartbreaking though. I began to realize that anything was possible in this new realm.


I began forgetting my name and where i was.
I saw a bus, and desided to go chill and see who was there, maybe connect with someone cool It was heaven on that bus. everything seemed perfect All of a sudden i realize i'm on the bus, and it was leaving the city, and I shouldn't have been on it! I tried so hard to communicate with some of these people, but the cid got too intense. I thought this girl sitting on the arm of the couch, right next to me, was about to fall off. so i put my hand on her back to brace her, and realized it was the cid. Apparently her BF took it the wrong way, flipped out and told me to SHOW SOME RESPECT. I said i'm sorry, i didn't mean no disrespect. They stopped the bus, and kicked me out. Literally. i have a fat lip.

I was now completely lost in a city i'm native to, yet had no idea where to go...turned out to be a mile from the venue. No money, took my shoes off on the bus, no coat, no phone, no other tripsters around. NOTHING. So i began trotting down the road like a Jerry bear when i saw no cars, and staigthed up when i saw one. Just trying to Get back to the venue. Half way freaking out. Everything rang true, knowing that if i could only get to the venue, i would be on the home stretch.

I found a bike taxi, and made my way back to the venue. I told the guy i'm trying to get back to the car and my friend, who has my cash. Well by the time i got back to the lot, 99% of the people were gone. I was left with all the trash of the hippies. Taxi guy was way cool, i owe him big time. i walked the whole lot, looking for someone... finally found 3 cats that were just as gone as i was. There were off to find a taxi.

without being to much of a downer on these guys, i was still very desperate. Desperate to connect with my friend, and not be left as trash. or for the dogs to pick up. I hitched a ride in their taxi 10 miles in the wrong direction, hoping to find a chill place. The cabbie, kicked us out too cause he knew nothing of the city. I had to chill with these 3 cats for an hour, on Broadway while the next cabbie came He knew where these 3 wanted to go, dropped them off and took me home. finally i was able to chill out, connect with my friend, and tell him everything.

I couldn't fall asleep till 28 hours into it. woke up 6 hours later, Still Crispy.


It really sounds like a BAD trip, and it really was by far the worst I've had. But it was the most liberating and beautiful life experience I've ever had! There is nothing like being stripped of all things "important" and your "ego" and to be set free of all past burdens and problems. To truely believe that love is the answer, and to live in the now! I lived peace, indifference, terror,love, hate, fear, laughter, tears, truth, dishonesty, selfishness, selflessness, wealth, worthlessness, sympathy, empathy, agony, bliss. trust, and every other possible emotion, color and shape in the spectrum. I found that my vibe hasn't been consistent with my true self. I had become disconnected the last few years. I was able to practice and find the right way to send the right vibes. I know now, that i can make the pieces of my life puzzle fit together, and be more beautiful.

There were so many miracles that saved my life that night. I damn near found an alley to wither away in, but was constantly fighting for what i needed. HOME!

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS.

I look forward to my next time hanging out with Lucy. She is amazing. I know now how to better handle heavy trips, and maintain my cool, not get as lost (hopefully).

WHAT A TRIP!

Thank you for enduring. Be careful, there's teeth out there!

Peace, Joy, and Harmony

 

God Bless you man...Once i get into the stuff iam going to be going on some journeys...But that all depends on my next trip..If i like it like i did my last one iam going into it..If not then iam going to stop and be happy with what i have

 

what do you have?

 

Great Shows. Yeah sometimes Drums/space can do that to you. LOL

 

A wonderful veiw of reality and a experience i always wanted to have

 

sounds similar to my trip. amazing man. humanity is waking up.

 

also a hole in my pocket

 

LIFE IS SOOOOO MUCH BETTER! I can Clearly feel a difference between then and now.

Making some lemonade today! mmmmmm

 

at the forum??

 

that sounds absolutly crazy and amazing.

 

ha good TR! haha LSD is amazing....how was the setlist? and how was warren with them...idk i can think of many more guitar players thats would have been a better fit....

 

the setlist was .... ok... it was what it was, you can't always hear the tunes you want to hear. Warren has huge energy. He was weaving in and out of the jerry vibe, but still had a lot of Warren to him. I think i would have enjoyed Jimmy Herring a bit more.

I could finally grasp what the scene really could have been back in the hay days. At the same time, the show had incredible lows. sometimes seemed really sloppy, and not leading anywhere. I would look up to see the expression and vibe with my good friend. He was still and looked like he was about to fall asleep with boredom. He's seen Jerry enough to be disappointed. Every GD related show we went to he would always say, its just not the same. I have always enjoyed the music, and we had to get to this show. I wanted to get as close as i could to the old days. I enjoyed it, only to find that it still will never get to experience Jerry like i wish i could.

 

Dead at the dump thursday!!!

Saw Jerry when I was vey young, too young to remember very much of it other than hangin with hippies with my dad, but my mom banned us children from tagging along to the show for she worried we'd get into the acid and herb and not grow up into a proper adult, like that did any good =P....

Walking like a Jerry bear I like that, very descriptive of how I feel when Im acid-strutting down the pavement, they arent Jerry bears, they're Owsley bears.

 

you going on thursday??

 

Hells yea! we're gonna RAGE.

you going too?!

 

Your story is awesome. I'm glad you made it home. Was this at the Shoreline show or was it the Forum?
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In the old days when people took big doses, 250 micrograms was normal.

 

ah...the memories...so true. :cheers2:

 

i was inside a pepsi can in denver. shook it all up, and kaaablewie.

 

i was planning on it...

but unless i can get more people to ride up with me, i don't even think i have enough cash for gas, i'm comin from los angeles...

plus no ticket...


dunno i feel like i can't miss this though


if you've been to that venue before, would i be able to groove to the music well from outside??

my buddies from san jose and santa cruz say that security there is tight, i'll see where the liquid confidence takes me i guess