i dont really know if this is the right place to post this but oh well. so for the past year i have had severe depression. in february i finally went to the psychologist and have been going to therapy since. over all shit hasnt really changed but the therapy has helped and my mood has slowly but surely gotten better. for the past 2 months i have been mostly sober which is a first in the past 5 years. my psychologist saw the improvment and thinks i was okay to not come back for a while unless i feel the need too. so shit was going well. now shits blown up. ive started using drugs again and never the same drug 2 days in a row. weed, alcohol, vicodin, percaset, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy, speed. its all comin back. only shit ive stayed away from is psychedelics lately since im not in a stable enough mental state to trip right now. a girl i was extremly interested in has started seeing another guy. stress from senior final projects and tests. 36 hour work weeks. anxiety from knowing ill be actually moving out and going to college in a couple months which was at first exciting has turned to stress. and to top it all off, my mom went in for a mamogram today and she has breast cancer. i immediatly popped 8 vicodin and then got drunk. about an hour ago i popped another 4 vics. i cant deal with this. i just dont know what to do. its just one bad thing after another. this shit has been going on since 7th grade and it just doesnt get better. since 7th grade ive had 3 close friends die, 2 friends put into a residential treatment center for attempted suicides, of which both i saw their attempts when on 4 hits of acid each time. in the last year ive had 2 girlfriends cheat on me. got addicted to heroin but got clean in november but recently started using again. and my best friend is about to go to jail for a year.... this is too much to handle. im only fucking 18. far as i know its not normal to have so much stress and bad things happen when your only 18. i really need some help but dont want to go to a drug treatment center because i really cant bear to tell my mom about all the hard drugs and addictions ive had especially when shes so stressed about her own breast cancer right now. i just dont know what to do.....
Stop getting high and keep seeing a shrink. You can not get help on a message board. By all means post what's going on. Talk to people in the real world. But go and get the help you need.
Your going though a lot. Communication can be very helpful. I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. It sounds traumatic. I'm thinking positive thoughts about your mothers cancer. I think she will recover I snorted heroine and came close to pawning everything I owned to chase a fix. It's the most beautiful thing In the world. Somehow I am restraining myself. I no longer use H, smoke weed or drink... Life is so painful man and it doesn't seem fair. I can't say I feel too great about life. I can't even say life is worth the fight but I fight none the less. Who knows what there is to gain in this world. What a miserable worthless place this can be! Especially when you got noone or nothing to Love. But somehow I love it all the same and It keeps me going.... Keep talking bro =) It's all there is Haha!
Damn man, my depression seems so small when looking at what you have to deal with. Im sorry to hear about your mom, I think she needs you more than anything right now. Drop the drugs and walk outside. Seeing the wind move the trees and making the world alive is the best free drug around for me.
