I have a new relationship for a few months now....ok - so its not face to face just yet (trip booked to meet him soon) ... but then for me, things just never seem to be face to face to start out - although we do chat, text, etc and do the kinda things normal 'met on the internet' relationships start out with....and for once this guy does not just jump into cybersex every 5 mins - in fact we do other stuff together too, and he seems to sense if he tries it on, and I'm not up for it (which doesn't happen often! Lol!), and we do other things instead. Without demanding anything - we just kinda...fit...and its so nice... and I'm having a ball with it all. Although I have a sicky pit in my stomach over 2 major cosmetic issues that I have to tell him about - and those will be the make or break thing...but I am discussing that with him next week. Anyway - tonight - things got heated, and he was telling me stuff he'd like to do, etc, and yea - it got me all worked up and over heated, if you understand what I am saying...only then he asks me to tell him what I'd like him to do to me. - not in a sub Dom way either, just good communication skills. However I was completely stunned and left with an awkward feeling. I mean - God - I honestly didn't know what to say. I am a 33yr old virgin, who has never been kissed, and hell - the only stuff I have in my head is cliched scenarios, or stuff I've seen in porn, that lives in my head in the tightly seaked box marked FANTASY ONLY! So I blurted out stuff he's mentioned on previous encounters, and a good time was had by all. Now just before he logged off - he said he wants me to do some homework. To get in my head an idea of what I would like him to do to my body and tell him tomorrow. I mumbled a weak "ok" before he happily trotted off to bed. It's not that I don't want to - I do feel guilty that he has done most of the talking on our intimate encounters, but I just don't know how what to say. Now I'm completely stuck - I have less than 24 hours to do this for him - I really want to - I just don't know what I like! My fantasies, all have really basic, girlie scenario plotlines, that don't actually have a lot to do with what I would like done to me - more of things I'd like to do to a guy. I guess no experience means, I don't know what I don't know, so how can I know feels good or bad? And it can't be hardcore as he always talks of the gentleness and soft touches and caresses. I LOVE the things he talks of doing to me - actually - I REALLY REALLY love the things he talks of doing to me, but of all the stuff I've read, heard and seen - I still don't know what I like myself...and I so really want to make him as satisfied as he's made me - as far as possible, when talking over the web. I worry that I risk seeming selfish by telling him "I don't know cos I'm a virgin" - I am not a selfish person - I just don't have any ideas. Any suggestions on what I should do when he asks me to tell him tomorrow night?
Easy. Tell him you want to be taught. Tell him about your lack of experience, and that you want to explore with him what possibilities exist. I would also suspect that he is asking this in the first place to get an idea of how much more advanced HE can get from the "soft touches and caresses" category into the "butt plugs and swallowing" category - but he wants to make sure you will be OK with it... no easier way than to ask what your kinky fantasies are. I assume he doesn't know about your lack of experience?
Thanks for your reply. Sorry about the long post. I am also emptying my head here too, before my brain implodes. Yes, he does know that I have no experience at all - I made it very clear to him as soon as I felt things were getting more intimate between us. I told him that I don't even know how to kiss - or that I'd be any good at anything. That I want to learn/ be shown how to satisfy a guy too - to try EVERYTHING at least once and if I like it - try again and again and again and again. Lol. The thing is that when we do go down the cyber sex route, he is all about tenderness and love, and passion, and goes on for ages. He won't touch himself, until off the line, and out of earshot of me, because he says he cums hard, and then wipes out, and he is afraid of leaving the lady unsatisfied. But even when I'm satisfied, as soon as I try and talk about anything I would imagine guys would like - such as going down on him - he switches things back somehow, and says that 'its ok - tonight is all about me'. Of course, being a girlie I melt completely, and after a few fumbled attempts at trying to do something for him, and being stopped, I just lie back and enjoy the ride. And Wow - what a ride. He seems to be able to run me like a well oiled engine. Afterwards he is always reassuring, and asking if he was ok, while talking of holding me. Honestly its just what I've dreamed of, and I tell him so too and I can hear him beaming with delight - you know how you can just tell if someone is genuinely happy by their voice. Last night for the first time, he talked of going down on me, and then kissing me - getting me to taste myself within the kiss, and he was worried, as I lay 'recovering' that he'd gone to far, I told him most definately not...so you could be right. The stuff he talks about with me is EXACTLY what I want happening to me. I love the slow progression, I always feel in control of the situation - that I could stop it if I didn't like it, and he just seems to know when to move forward with me, and just like last night - it's so damn near perfect (I just want it to be real now! lol) - but no matter what I try - he still just wants to please me - not in a submissive way though - Lol. God - last night after an amazing time with him, I suddenly had this massive urge, that I just wanted to roll him over fast, pin him down and do things to him. I told him that too and he asked what - and I told him that I want to start by going down on him. I felt so so so lust crazed, and strong, like a lionness, growling and snarling before it pounces on an unsuspecting gazelle - it was so weird, and empowering, I actually wondered what the hell was happening in my brain, and 2 seconds later I was laughing hysterically for absolutely no reason, out of the blue, and just as suddenly the laughing was gone, and the drive was sooo crazy strong, and imagery was flashing in my mind...and I tried to tell him what I was seeing in my mind - but he stopped me - and said it was late and he had to go...LOL - to be fair - it was REALLY late for him, but I also think I scared him. LOL. I think he does have some issues - I mean, I think he must have had some bad experiences. I know of one. He is just so intent on pleasing the lady, and isn't worried about himself. Also maybe its the guys I've interacted with in the past, but this is the first guy who hasn't even talked about, or offered to show me himself or send pics of it in various states. The closest I've got to that is one time, as I actually yelled his name as I was coming he whispered so quietly, in this amazingly deep tone, "Oh baby - you've got me so hard". I was soooo happy when I heard that. And he's told me too - that never once has he been turned on at work, or outside, or felt he had to go and sort himself out - but then he is a workaholic. Is that normal for a guy? I just don't know what to say to him tonight, and I know that no matter how many times I do a topic change, he will want to know. Ack! *scratches head* Oooh - except just now - I just got a hinting text in reference to a real work meeting room 'adventure' I had, when the ladies were out of order and I was so desperate I had to go in there to take the edge off. Wooo-hooo - in all these months - its the first hinting at being dirty, text! YAY! *dances happily*
Well there are a few options. Think of these in general terms, not specific to your relationship, but then think of what aspects may apply. Keep in mind that most of this is subconscious, he probably doesn't actually think any of this outright, but it is what may motivate him. One - he is greatly gratified by pleasing you, but views his own gratification as somehow taking away from yours. He could make you cum ten times, then if he cums he feels bad that he didn't last for 11. He doesn't even want to you to see or hear him finish because that means he failed to satisfy you. If he doesn't finish then its still all about you, eternally. Two - He is greatly gratified by pleasing you, but thinks that you would not be gratified by pleasing him. He feels that anything you do specifically for him is somehow making you do something you don't want to do, or "shouldn't have to do". I thought this way for a looong time, much to my wife's frustration. Either of those can be solved with open and honest communication. You have to get him to talk about it, and make him understand that you are very satisfied with what he does for you. More importantly, you have to make him understand that in the same way he is gratified by pleasing you, you are gratified by pleasing him. Draw direct analogies for him - if he likes eating pussy, ask him why, then tell him that's exactly why you want to give him a nice BJ! Another approach that worked very well for us was when I asked my wife what she wanted, she would turn it around and say something like "I want you to fuck my tits and come on my face". This made it something I was doing "for her", even though she knew I wanted to fuck her tits and come on her face but wouldn't say it or try to do it, because it was one of those things that she "shouldn't have to do". ------------------------------------------------------------------ From here it gets into some less ideal theories. ------------------------------------------------------------------ Three - He may have some physical hangup, some reason he wants to take focus off of himself, and his penis in particular. This would be something totally psychological, or a physical problem. It could be as simple as a bit of a penis size complex, he maybe thinks its too small or too big, or it could be a physical deformity that he wants to hide. Four - he may be a girl. This one is tough to think about, but it fits in a little too well to completely disregard.
