My GF and i are in a band together. she told me she needs space. what do i do?

my girlfriend and i met 6 months ago when she was living with her ex. when we started seeing each other she told me that they haven't been really together for a while. though, she couldn't move out till last months - money issues. since she moved into a new place (10 mins walk from me) we've been spending every night together, she kept saying that she'll never want anyone else and stuff. i t was so perfect...

but a few days ago she started acting weird. i asked her what's happening - she told me that a lot of things are on her mind (her ex was sending her really annoying messages and she was working a lot) and she needs space... i love her and miss her so much.

ALSO (!!!) we are in a band together (i joined them 2 months ago) and we are recording our at this point. when we're at the studio (3-4 times a week) - she treats me like a band member, not like a boyfriend. and when i want to hug or touch her - she's saying that she's tired and don't want to be touched. she even doesn't give a hug back. like a statue....

i don't know what to do. we stopped hanging out together. she's just saying "i'm staying home". i sent her a text that i miss her - she didn't respond.

... i'm going crazy missing her...

please, tell me what to do! i can't leave our band because we have great future and i it's what i always wanted in my life... we are getting big...

HOW CAN I GIVE HER SPACE IF I HAVE TO SEE HER 3-4 TIMES A WEEK?

i'm trying to be cool, do not call her, do not ask her out. it's so painful.
and today is our guitarist's birthday. unfortunately, we both have to go. she even called me about that. but she's still being unusually cold. earlier today i asked her if she wants to do anything today - she said that she's "just hanging out at home, going to meet up with a friend".

yesterday she texted me asking if i'm having a good day. and later in the evening i'm getting a text telling that her cat (Leonard used to sleep with us every night) is taking a nap on her shoulder. then i texted her that i miss Leonard - no answer.
before i went to bed i texted: "have a good day at work tomorrow". she texted me back: "goodnight. see you tomorrow". (at the recording studio)..

what does it mean?! am i doing everything right?


PLEASE, tell me what to do...

thank you.

 

it means you're doing everything right - giving her space, treating her professionally and with respect

it seems to me that she's just not wanting the closeness of a love relationship right now, doesn't want to have to constantly examine her feelings, or think that she has some sort of emotional obligation to another person.......going from her crappy ex to a great guy like you has overwhelmed her and she just wants space from that whole scene altogether

this does not mean she doesn't still dig you - she'll probably resume the relationship once she's had enough time to make sure it's what she truly wants and is happy with - she may also be afraid she was just using you as a rebound thing, an escape from her unhappy life with the ex, and she can't figure that part out until she's away from you for a bit

you may however, want to hold off on all the "i miss you"s - that puts alot of pressure on someone when they're trying to sort things out - makes them feel like they have to "do" something about it, when they've already told you they need space from that kind of thing

be her bandmate, be her friend - shit like this happens sometimes......a love relationship mixed with a band relationship can be a very volatile thing, but it can also be one of the sweetest, most rewarding things that can ever happen....take it from one who knows

 

thank you so much!

so we're going to a recording studio tonight and i haven't talked to her (heard from her) since last night. what should i do?

 

show up for your session and have a kick ass time! let her initiate if she wants something more.....focus on your music and creativity - emotions will pass, but the tracks you lay down in the studio are eternal! hehehe

 

yeah, that's what i'm gonna do. but... i want to be with her more then recording. i'm not even in the mood to record if she can't be with me.. i don't wanna be in that band if we're not together. BUT, at the same time, i can't quit - i've contributed too much for them already. they were teaching me songs for 3 months and we are recording our first album. they were waiting for it for a year. they all would hate me if i'll quit. i would hate myself as well.

 

try and channel that energy into your creativity - don't let a bump in the road get you down, wait and watch and keep the faith...it's not like she dumped you to be with someone else - she digs you and you dig her, try and understand where she's coming from and give her this time without being so down on yourself

sometimes we've got to help ourselves first before we can truly give to others - that's likely all she's trying to do.....hang in there, and kick some ass at your session!

 

well, last night we were recording. she was acting weird. i was acting like band member. when we were on the way home she noticed someting in my eye and took it out. if you were just a friend you'd just say "there's something in your eye". but she just took it out like everything is great between us.

i gave her light kiss before i left - she responded. after that we didn't text each other.

today i went to a studio to finish tracks - she knew that. and she still haven't asked me how it went.

 

words of wisdom

 

You sound like you are really into this girl Maybe she feels that the relationships is becoming too deep too fast – and she just wants to slow things down a bit because she’s feels she not ready for something so deep, hence her stand off-ish behaviour.

Try to take things slow for a while. But tell her you’re here for her whenever she is ready to open up again… on whatever level. That reassures her that you still care – but remain respectful in giving her space.

 

sounds like she met somebody else and wants to back out of the relationship without hurting your feelings

 

If this is (and it could well be) the truth, then kick her swiftly in teh vaj, and tell ehr that by trying not to hurt your feelings, she in fact did the exact opposite. I hate mind games. People just need to be honest and up front. Hurt feelings heal, but mental scars from teh games that people play don't.