Hello everyone, I'm changing the message because now with hindsight, I realize that the problems in my relationship are the following: 1-Immaturity in both sides, because after all he is only 21 and I'm only 20. 2-He does not know about the same stuff I know about (You can't except a person for instance to know more than 50 genres of music with the pionners, can you?) Do you believe that this could be overcome if our feelings for each other are so strong and so true?
I'm sad to say it, but it sounds like your relationship has serious problems. This: is a VERY unhealthy sign. Do not be threatened by this. If he's gonna do it, you can't stop him, and if he's not, this threat is abusive. You need to figure out why you "love" each other, and then decide if that love is worth putting up with all of the other issues. You're NOT going to change him, and if you change for him, you won't be at all happy. You have to take the whole package as it is, or else look elsewhere. If you stay with him, you're probably going to have to learn to deal with things mostly as they are now. Can you do that? Figure out where you want this relationship to go, and where you want to be in 20 years. That will help you to reason more clearly.
The idea of being away from him makes me feel extremly sad. Do you think that he will be more mature by time? I might have only mentioned the bad things in our relationship, forgetting about the other amazing things. Like for exemple talking about things, no one else of our friends dare talk about. He is very loving and caring, and God how worried he gets when I get sick. He is always with me, and even if he doesn't always understand, he tries hard to. I'm his first love, and he keeps saying that if he has not met me he might've never fallen in love. We can stay long hours staring into each other's eyes without getting enough of it. I feel home with him, and I want to live with him as soon as we can afford it. He is very special,and very devoted. Do you think that diferences can't be overcome?
The differences you experience in this relationship will never be undone and overcome. We can only FIND an interest, we cant overcome one. What most people deem as 'overcoming differences' is in actuality, two people trying to show eachother why they like certain things and either of the two finding an interest in something that they didnt know they had. For example, my friend didnt like the idea of going to watch a abstract movie that had no specieal effects,violence etc etc. He gets there and says 'Oh man, I am so bored' and I say 'bear with it'. Well at the end of the movie, he says 'you were wrong that was shit' and I said 'relate the movie back to your life and anything that may be happening in it', after a few seconds, he realized that this movie was quite good after all. The reason bieng that I showed him something about it that he didnt know existed and once this came to be, he experienced the movie differently and found an interest in it to date. In contrast,However, I could have said the same thing to another person, with no success. The main reason bieng that a persons life is unique and this movie, related back into their lives brings no meaning and thus no interest. In the same sense, a persons life is unique and bieng able to overcome differences with them, is basically an attempt to show them possible things they may have missed about that thing; such as the meaning behind a song, the meaning behind literature, which was at first hidden and then hoping that they can find something about their lives to relate with the thing you are trying to show them. I will be back later if you want and I wish to ask that you reiterate what I said to see that it made sense to you.
Dear ChangeHappens, What I understood from what you said is that change is not always something evident. In order to relate to something we must have experienced something similar right? I believe that in my current relationship, it is as you described : Thank you for making it clearer. I still have another question though, is it normal to find difficulties at first? Does the fact that we have already "overcame" some differences help? Thank you.
You should never stay with someone because you could change them into something else, find someone whos better suited for you.
Excuse me, but it is not a question of changing the person, it is just a question of getting them intrested in things that they have never heared about before. I want to stress the fact,that I don't want to change anything in him! I just want to add somethings. Make him discover new horizons.
If you guys have been together for 5months and he's shown NO interest in what you're into then you are trying to change him. Just because you've over come SOME things doesn't mean that you can fix everything. Just leave if you're unhappy, you're only 20 there are plenty of fish in the sea
I'm sorry Sarahrei but I don't look at things the same way. He is one in a million, and It is not just a matter of having a boyfriend and basta, no! Plus, I admit that I exagerated a little bit, he does show interest in what I like, I thought that not understanding in the same way means not showing interest, but I was mistaken.
Then don't judge him so harshly, he doesn't have to be interested in what you are. My husbands a pilot, I know enough about planes to stay safe on the ground but I don't want to learn how to fly them it's just not that important to me. If you've been into art for the past 6-8 years why would he get it the same way you do after 5 months? You need more realistic views on what you can get out of a relationship.
Plato defines love as an "unmediated" response between two people. Take comfort in the fact that he loves you more than life itself and if you love him too, then keep it that way. People don't get many chances at the type of love that he's experiencing and you may be the only person in his whole life that he'll ever feel that way about. Cherish it and be thankful for it, is my advice.
hey explorer My intentions were not exactly as you described them to be. I intended on showing that to overcome differences in a relationship is an incorrect yet very normal perceptin of what you are doing; working things into a better relationship. This concept is very difficult so bear with it and try not to jump to conclusion. To remember you said"What I understood from what you said is that change is not always something evident. In order to relate to something we must have experienced something similar right?" Okay. In the first sentence, I do not rest my belief in and did not intendon conveying this. Messages arent always clear, especially when we are from different experiences. The second part is partly true and its getting towards what I was trying to convey. However, judging from your conclusion about what I said, it seems to have been taken in a slightly different way than I intended on showing. My intentions were to show you that when you attempt to overcome your differences, the only thing worth your time and focus, is not arguing over why you have these differences or dwelling on them. The best thing to do for this cause, is to show him something about your interests that he may have not yet experienced about that thing. For example, when listening to your music, tell him how you think about the music and the meaning behind the music. This may show him a new way to percieve it and thereby giving him a potentially new avenue through which he can come to find an interest in it. The reasons for this are as follows; a persons interest are in the short run generally static - they change over time, years and months. However, a persons interest seems to change quickly when you show them something about it that they may have missed. For example, someone claims to you that they dont like politics, its a waste of time, things will never change. One day you show them that it can change and presto the person has an interest in politics. Actually, however, what happen was simply that his perception of politics changed and a an interest was sparked on behalf of this. In contrast, another person says politics is a waste of time and boring because they dont like arguing with people, its very stressful. You attempt to show them the same thing that you showed the other person, that politics brings changes to the world, In this case, the persons interst would not change because the person has a overwhelmingly different experience of politics, of which you could not alter by showing something they may not have known about it. So as you hopefully hav seen, overcoming a difference with someone can only happen if that person has perceived the interest that you differ in, incorrectly and/or shortsightedly and you proceed to successfully show them why their perception is wrong about it, thereby surfacing an interest they never knew they had, not making them interest in it. So the key is that you cannot make someone interest in something, but show them why they may be interested in it and just not know yet why because interest have alot to do with experience and experiences of the past, are soemtimes very difficult to have a person reshape the way they look at it.
Hello again dear changehappens, I think I did understand what you said, but perhaps didn't express myself very well the first time, I tend to do this a lot. I also tend to remeber the bad things only. Now, I have to tell you something that happened, and I hope that you tell me if that relates to what you've been saying. My boyfriend has never met someone as intrested in music as I'm, he never was really intrested in it, so I tried to tell him why I love it so much, and I gave him tracks to listen to. We talked a lot about it, and recently he showed interest in playing music. Indeed he is now saving for a guitar, he wants to learn how to play the guitar.
Hey there Even though I dont feel like it, I know that you must have showed him soemthing he may have never seen in music. Its nice to have this happen BTW! Here you showed him what may have been a concealed interest after all.
