Texts from last night

These are worth a read. too funny. http://textsfromlastnight.com/

 

i loled

 

me too

 

"last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy."

"I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life. "

"do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?"
"Don't drive home. "

"i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet "


"SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion."


"I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you. "

 

(626): What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?(1-626): You have mice?(626): no why?

 

"do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?"
"Don't drive home. "

this sounds like my sort of conversation...me being the smart one, of course.

 

(773): So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first Replies (11) Good Night (708) Bad Night (334) More from 773 (214): I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...(1-214): Mike i'm at church right now...

 

I'm addicted. These are making laugh as hard as icanhascheeseburgers

 

(850): it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.

 

(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.

hahah.

 

www.fmylife.com

same crap different name.....hmm. no, FML is better.

"Today, my over-protective mom decided to do a blacklight test on my room to make sure I wasn't doing the naughty in my bed. The bed was clean. My face wasn't. FML"

 

(614): The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia. //// haha, I just copied the same one.

 

you're wrong. this shit is way funnier.

 

(850): You drinking a lot?
(1-850): No.
(1-850): Define a lot

 

(902): My brain says no but my pants say off.

 

Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper

 

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

 

(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT

 

Might aswell get a twitter acount and be done with it. yawn.

 

not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her