Hey, this thread isn't *really* about lsd, just a story and some thoughts/reflections kinda directed at some of the spiritual seekers who browse this forum. Hope that's ok with the mods! So I had a pretty crazy week, my girlfriend got back into town from across the country (she goes to school in CA, I live in Pennsylvania) and I decided to quit smoking cigarettes (smoked a pack a day) because she doesn't like that I smoke, and I've been wanting to quit for ages but never decided to actually try. So she gets back into town and we uh... reconcile for 2 nights straight, meanwhile I begin nicotine withdrawal (the physical WD lasts about 3 days). After day 2 she decides to spend a day by herself because we literally stayed in bed for like 40+ hours. So I'm by myself, dealing with the nicotine withdrawal, which was pretty terrible but nothing I couldn't deal with, when she calls me and tells me she wants to break up with me. (her reason was that she didn't feel like she wants to be in a committed relationship, this is after we've been doing the long distance thing talking on the phone for literally hours every day for months.) Suddenly, my reality crashed! I don't think I've ever felt quite as bad as I did when this happened: to look forward to being with the person you love for months, to have them decide they no longer want you when they arrive, was more than I could take. Usually when I feel bad, I meditate to feel better. I spent about 3 days meditating 10+ hours each day (usually I'll meditate for 15-30 mins a day), becoming increasingly aware of the way that my desire for cigarettes and for my ex affected me. I realized quite a bit, mostly wordless "non-stuff", but here are a few gems that stuck with me: In my time of desperation and sadness, I realized that while I felt terrible, I didn't just want to feel good. I wanted the truth. Whatever the cost, if it meant being miserable forever. I just want the truth. This was pretty important. I had this moment of clarity where I realized that I used meditation as a means to an end, rather than as the "means-ender" that I see it as now. Normal every day reality could be described like this: you run on a hamster wheel, there is a carrot at the end of a stick attached to your head as you run. The carrot is whatever you want: a new car, a new job, a new girlfriend an old girlfriend, a cigarette, to lose some weight, to be in better shape, to be more educated, to have a life changing spiritual experience, etc etc etc. whatever it is that you desire. everything in your life tells you "if you get the carrot, you'll be happy forever". The ultimate truth of reality is therefore, YOU NEVER GET THE GODDAMN CARROT. Accepting this truth could be called enlightenment. But be careful, the first thing that the "spiritual" ego wants to do is to turn enlightenment into the new carrot. And having enlightenment as your carrot is infinitely worse than any other carrot, because on some level you know that none of that shit is going to make you happy. The spiritual seeker actually believes enlightenment will make them happy forever, so they run the hardest, and suffer the most. And they still never get the carrot. The enlightened being is the one who keeps running at a leisurely pace, not to get the carrot, not because they like running, but because there's nothing else they can do but run on the hamster wheel. Nothing you read here will bring you even an inch closer to the truth! Every new idea you read, is simply more motivation to try and get the carrot. "Maybe if I try this I'll be enlightened". Silence is the ONLY guru. With that, I'm done posting here, it's been a blast guys, had alot of fun talking about the infinite with all of you! PS I successfully quit smoking cold turkey my first try, and after 3 days of meditation the girl called me to tell me that the reason she broke up with me is because she's in love with me, and was afraid of getting hurt. We're back together, and the relationship is more blissful than I imagined possible. I no longer care if I'm with her or not. I don't waste a single moment worrying about what might happen, or regretting what did happen, I'm just here. Now. Always have been. Always will be. In love. Good luck to all of you, learn from silence!
Enjoying the ride, but not being dependent on the circumstances... It's amazing how things usually just work out that way... According to the law of attraction, thinking and feeling is an extremely powerful force. For example, the attachment to your girlfriend and the added worry of loss may of created the unfavorable circumstances you were worried about. Obviously when talking about this kind of stuff, you have to take it with a grain of salt... I'm just speaking from personal experience, and from reading your post. However, it doesn't hurt not to worry... :cheers2: Wish you the best...
WOW. Thats AMAZING. You went through all that, gained enlightenment, and returned to where you were. Thats great dude, if I was you, I would follow the love. Move to CA bro.
Thanks for that post man. The way you told your story and explained your realization is an almost exact description of a realization I had just a week ago. The most interesting part is that your description and emphasis on that silence just hits it right on man. Thanks
if you ask me, she fell in love with some other dude, and now that new dude don't want her, shes back2u telling, how much she cares4u. get rid of that girl, and find a newone.
