I think my boyfriend may be gay

He has told me that he is bisexual, but I am really not sure and I think he may just be afraid to come out. He does have religious family, afterall...
He watches male/male porn;
He likes it up the ass and says he is more of a 'bottom' than a top;
Also related, he loves BDSM;
He finds guys attractive and doesn't have many male friends;
He likes to cuddle but isn't very touchy-feely and doesn't like to kiss;
He's also said that he would like to know what it's like to have sex with a guy and is curious about this, whereas as soon as I had sex with a guy, I knew I was straight. lol.
It all makes me think he is gay. I really like the guy. I mean, I have nothing against gays, I love all people, but the last person I want to have suspicions of is my steady boyfriend of four months... you know?
Is there a tactful way to approach him about this? Should I even just straight out ask him (excuse the pun) if he is indeed gay? He constantly brings up his sexuality with me, talking out his fantasies about men, but that he also loves womens tits and ass, about how if using a strap-on makes him gay, that he's never had an experience with a guy etc, but he always reassures me that he is bisexual.
Maybe I'm being too uppety about it all. Maybe. Any opinions? I'm all eyes.

 

Wow. All those features completely typical of any.... bisexual guy! Bisexuality isn't a stepping stone on the way to coming out as completely gay. Sure, for some it is but ALOT of bi guys share exactly those qualities.

Sit him down, ask him bluntly but first telling him there won't be any rammifications if he is (he's not going to admit it if he thinks you'll turn up the volume and pound him to death!) and make sure you seem supportive. At which point he'll either come out as gay (unlikely but possible), where you'd have to overcome your probable instincts of strangling him to death, he'll say he's Bi and be completely fine about the question OR he'll be very offended, at which point you'll have to play innocent (you could even play niave and just say it's a little alien to you so you don't completely understand).

Whether it's worth the risk or not is up to you. Best come out and ask him though, don't go snooping around for answers.

 

True true, lol thanks for the reply.
I seriously have just never met a bi guy let alone dated one so it's completey new territory for me. Up until I met my boyfriend I have dated typical straight guys, you know, guys that are all about the boobs and the lesbien porn, drinking beer, watching sports etc. I am though hesitant to bring it up to him because I care about him and dont want to hurt his feelings. Really I should have just spoken about it with him when he first told me he was bi, but it kind of took me by surprise and I wasn't sure how to react so I didn't go there.
But it has been eating away at me lately, hence the posting on internet forums for opinions before I approach him about it. But anyway, I guess you're right and I should just ask him right out. It's one of those things I just want to know for sure.
Again thanks for taking the time to reply.

 

To be comletely honest he sounds gay. To be very blunt I would break up with him on the grounds you tell him he needs to "work his things, thoughts, and feelings out" give it some time. He needs to have a serious experience with another guy either way, otherwise these thoughts and feelings are NEVER going to subside. You owe it to the both of you. I'm sorry to say this but your relationship is not going to work out either way. This is always going to be the elephant in the room. He will always wonder what its like to give it a good chance with a guy and as long as he's with you he can't.

 

lunaverse: I'll definitely take your advice into consideration. I agree with you about taking time out to let him have an experience with a guy to know for sure if he was gay or indeed bisexual like he says. Maybe even straight (I know that its possible that people think they are bisexual, but when it comes to the real thing, they hate it..)
Problem is, like most people in a relationship I fear that if we do 'have a break' or take time away from each other that he'll find somebody new (male or female) and we'll be over. Also I fear that if I do give him this ultimatum, he will think I do not want to be with him and am just finding an excuse which is definitely untrue.
But you're right, I think that if he said he were bisexual, having had experiences with both men and women in the past, I would feel much more comfortable about the whole thing. I don't know. I think I do just need to talk to him about it but it may end up coming to this... :/

 

I thought briefly a few years ago I might be bi. However one weekend I was at a friends house and we got wasted and went streaking through his neighbourhood. I saw his junk flying around at some point and remember trying not to throw up in my mouth. I knew then for sure I definatly was not. Whatever happens I hope you both find happiness in whatever form it may come.

 

mabye hes hinting a 3some..