I'm a naturist and my fiancee isn't. What do I do?

Hi all. I'm new to this forum and could use some help from anyone at this point.

I'm a 23 year old male and my fiancee is going to be 21 this month. We've been together for 3 years now and I have expressed my desire to go nude at a beach or resort with her and she is completely reluctant to do so. I haven't tried to force her to, and at home, I'm often completely nude and she's often nude or topless. We both feel comfortable around each other.

She did say she'd think about it "when she drops some of the freshman 15" and is a bit less self conscious. She has since lost weight and looks great and I have assured her that there is no reason to worry about body image with nudists/naturists, (I even went to a nudist resort without her knowledge to see for myself just how non-judgmental these people are...shhhh!!) but she's still bothered by the idea. She's also bothered by other people seeing me naked...while I am not.

Should I simply drop being a nudist?

Should I limit myself to being nude by myself or around her alone?

I understand that she had some bad childhood experiences with others her age involving sex/nudity but I feel that being nude and free would be a wonderful experience if she could get past the trauma and fear as I did.

I love her unconditionally but I want to open her up to this and want her to see that nudists will not sexually objectify her and that being nude around the RIGHT people isn't creepy or lewd and is actually liberating and relaxing.

Note, she did volunteer to model for me in a nude figure photography portfolio and she wasn't afraid to show it to friends. She has also expressed her own interest in bringing others into the bedroom, and she also suggested that we join a bdsm club.

please note, I am not in any way trying to "make" her do anything. I respect her decisions, I just want to share something wonderful that given the chance, could help our relationship.

Thank you!

 

Hi Jazzman,

i really welcome your attitude not to urge her to anything. You seem to be a nice and insightful fiancé.

I made some good experiences with nudity-sceptic people going to beaches where nudists and textiles are mixed and no one cares if you wear something or not. Or if there are regulated beach sections, just placing ourselves at the "border" between textile and nude. So i could enjoy being nude without the others needing to do so. In most of these cases the others finally gave up their reserve and finally felt fine being nude too. By their own free descision, after they made their observations and evaluations. My own boyfriend did come to nude beach life this way.

So my idea for you is tro spend you holidays at a textile resort / camping, but with a clothing otional beach naerby. So you both can du as you like it and no one is forced to anything, but free to try out.

 

I'd agree with going to a resort where there is a clothes optional beach nearby.

 

Thanks Pixy. I would do just that except the only opportunities I have to go nude myself are either in private with her, or in secret when I go to a nudist area. She hates the idea of people seeing me nude almost as much as people seeing her nude. She mentioned today that my desire to go nude at a beach or resort simply upsets her. I don't know what to do.

 

Drop it. Just stop. The choice is, essentially, between your urges and her wishes and desires. Either end the relationship, or change your lifestyle. She is obviously not comfortable with the idea of either of you going nude in public, so why do you keep trying?

 

drop it she doesn't seem to like the idea and you pushing will cause problems down the line i think.

 

There will always be a problem — sometimes lifelong, where somebody has had a bad experience involving sex/nudity issues in childhood and such experiences haven't been directly counselled at that time; they tend to become entrenched and lead to a skewed or generally reluctant outlook. The best advice is to reinforce with her the big positives about her e.g. you've already said she looks great when nude and what woman wouldn't get all excited to be told she looks beautiful? You've probably already hinted that beauty isn't a prerequisite for nudity at resorts or beaches, and nudists come in every shape, form, colour, creed, size etc, some built beautifully and others bearing physical scars or even those unfortunately confined to wheelchairs (I have seen the full spectrum in 40 years!).

It's rather odd that she willingly volunteered to model nude for you then showed these photos to her friends obviously expressing her delight in her appearance, if not bravado. She might, I think, have a fear or insecurity with you, all the more reinforced by your remark that she is reluctant for other people to see you naked, but it is up to you to show her how harmless nudity is! The fact you both go around the house nude or semi-nude is a big bonus and you have to work to protect that. I think for now the best thing you can do is just enjoy each others' company and be happy with what common ground you have i.e. both of you happily going nude in your own private sphere and, for now, cast aside the idea of resorts. It might frustrate you, but it'll undoubtedly be a two-way learning experience and much better than having the dear girl walk away from you! Enjoy the mutual naturism experience as you know it now. :cheers2:

 

Don't upset her. That's if you really do want to spend the rest of your life with her.

 

Don't marry her, or 30 years later you will be writing here asking us how can I convince my wife of 30 years to go nude in public, and we will scorn you.

 

You know what, there's a guy on truenudists.com asking exactly that. And she's probably asking her friends, how can I stop him from pestering me to go nude, it's been 30 years and he hasn't given up yet.

 

hmmmmm... im not a nudist. but i'd like to try it if i had a girlfriend who was into that sort of thing.


here's an idea. invite some nudists over for a dinner party/game night. have a nice sit-down dinner with a few people and her even if she isn't going to be nude. play some scrabble and talk with the people openly about how they got over their apprehensions. just make it a fun, friends thing.

 

One of my guy friends who I used to go to nude beaches with got married recently and no longer goes to nude beaches on account of his wife. He says he's tried to talk her into going, but just as the OP has experienced, he says his wife is afraid both of others seeing her naked and others seeing her husband naked. I've told him there is nothing wrong with going on his own, but it appears as if he is giving in to her values and wants to hang up his passion for going to nude beaches.
~Tina

 

Out of curiosity why is she ok with others watching you 2 have sex but not going to a Nudist Resort? My advice is go to some clothing optional beaches first to get her comfy, if she still says no then go by yourself. If your Nudity becomes a problem though you may need to drop it or her.

 

so sad....

nudists should be getting more people to join or to know what it's all about; instead some are being converted back to the textile empire...