hey all, i dont even know if this is the right forum, but i was wondering if anyone could give me some advice? im a 22 year old preop transsexual. i started transitioning when i was 17, and went fulltime when i was 18... ive had a pretty tough time dealing with most of my family and such. like my moms side of the family is totally cool with it, considering my gramma raised me the majority of my life after my mom died when i was five, they all know me and accept me for who i am. but my dad and his family are constantly giving me shit about it, even though they have known about it for years now... like my dad has this girlfriend who is crazy and she fills my dads head up with all this nonsense about me being sick in the head, demented and a sex offender.. which is total bullshit. i think im a pretty normal girl. i live far away from all of my family, and all of my friends here in savannah are totally cool with me (the ones that know) and the ones that dont know are shocked when i tell them... i go out to bars alot with my friends and i pretty much have good times with all of them. lately i have been having alot of difficulty with some stuff because of my being trans. like i meet these awesome guys, who i am into and who are into me.. but when i tell them my T, they freak out and never talk to me again... i want to get surgery done, except it is so expensive and i dont really have any savings. my medical bills and prescriptions are outrageous since my dad cut me off of his insurance. i just dont know what to do about men, and my dad, cause ive been trying to deal with this for a long time, but ive recently had like a sexual awakening, and i really feel the need to connect with someone who sees me for who i am, in a sexual and spiritual sense. thanksgiving is coming and ive been informed that i am not invited to my fathers house again this year (big suprise) but this really hurts my feelings because i cannot help the way that i am, and im just trying to be a good person and do good things and live a decent life, but no matter what happens this issue keeps coming up... and i know that when i do have surgery the issue will still be there, im just hoping that it wont be so in my face.i just really wish my dad would actually love me and accept me, but i dont think that will ever happen. he keeps telling me if i go through with surgery ill be cut out of his will, which isnt what bothers me the most... im most bothered by the fact that he is willing to use his money as a bargaining tool with me. i just dont know what to do and im really upset about the whole thing... i wish i knew what to do.... Evie :&
I wish I had an easy answer for you. You are travelling on a tough road, no doubt about it. Trans is always lumped together with G/L/B, but I don't really know why. It is a completely different issue, with its own set of problems and discrimination. I wish you luck. You are right, you do need to be true to yourself. Your Dad will either come around, or you will have to move on. Try to stay strong. I recommend you speak with SnowDancer. I think she could provide you with some insight. If I recall correctly, she does not want to have the surgery, but she is the person most knowledgeable, or at least most comfortable with this issue, IMO. Take care of yourself!
I second that recommendation. I also suggest technodyke.com, under the forum "gender issues" - there are tons of incredibly knowledgable people who have been in your shoes and will be more than happy to offer more informed advice than I could ever give. I understand how rough it must be to make the surgery decision, but I myself have only just begun (2 years or so of reading, listening, etc) to explore and learn about transgendered issues...so I may not be the best qualified to advise. Best of luck with whateve you decide. Also - hope family issues work out eventually, but if they don't (even though this is hard to hear) - you can pick your friends and lovers, but not your family. So it's by random chance that you're with them anyway...if they can't accept you, too bad. You have your own life to live and you've chosen to be true to yourself. Hold on to the relatives who are on your side, and nurture those relationships, rather than enduring the stress of your father's side. You don't owe them any changes or adjustments. hugs!
I think you're a really brave person. To be honest, i dont think i would be able to cope with the negative response from most people in this fucked up society. I know what you mean though, being true to yourself and wanting to be with someone who'll see who you are as a person, love you for who you are and respect you. i cant say much about that cos i'm inconsciously seeking the same (arent we all?) but i can say hang in there girl, cos though life is one hard road to walk on, it's got its rewards... I know this doesnt help you much, but i wanted to let you know that not everyone is as close minded as those people who reject you, i'm sure there are plenty of people who dont care and will see and love the person underneath the make up ... i wish you lots of luck in your life.
i just wanted to thank everyone for all their Kind words... its so tough when all you want to do is live your life, and people just keep bringing you down... its like everyone wants everyone else to be just as lonely and miserable as they are... sad. i know the majority of us are seeking out that person that completes us... and for some it will happen.. but for some i guess it wont. i think for this thanksgiving im going to try and gather my friends here for a dinner at my house, because you choose your friends, and i think i have a wonderful "family" of friends here. so, thanks everyone for your thoughts and nice words.. they mean alot to me. everything happens for a reason Evie
That is probably one of the things my Mom said the most to me. OK, aside from pick up your room. Anytime something happened happened that would be a disappointment to me she would say, "Everything happens for a reason" & usually come up with some dire thing that could have happened if whatever did happen hadn't. I bet that my being late taking off for a date or something like that must have saved my life about 75-100 times. I am not trying to make light of your situation but humor can help get through bad times. As I mentioned to you I really think that you having your own Turkeyday is the right answer. I didn't think of this earlier but when I read your message here I realized that you can own it then. I do still think that you just haven't found the man that is out there for you yet. Your hometown has a good GLBT community from what I can tell & plenty of history, even a certain amount of notoriety. There are plenty of other fish swimming in your sea. To use another cliche` phrase that I heard plenty. You still have time. Enjoy the friends you have be open to relationships as they come along. It may even come as a surprise when it happens. Love has a way of finding people if she has a chance.
I just found this page. It has quite a few links to transsexual informational pages. You may know about all of these already but I thought I'd pass them along in case you didn't. Transsexual links
Hey! I just looked over all that you wrote, and I hope things start going better for you, it's really terrible how parents can treat their children when they don't turn out how they had hoped. If you ever want to chat about anything, feel free! Steve
Where do you live? If you live in a small town, you might want to consider moving to a larger city where there would be a community of beautiful transwomen you could get to know for support and friendship. Also in larger cities there are more handsome men who like to date transwomen, pre-op or post-op transwomen. Best wishes.
All I have to say is shame on your dad.If he can't accept you for you,then sever your ties to him like he did to you.You Just have to Hamg in there until everything resolves. I am the opposie(mtf) and,although it's not as bad as your situation,my parents are living in denial,so I can sypathyise.I hope things take a turn for the better.
