So I got out of rehab about a week ago. While there I got a lot of my shit straight, started working out, praying, playing my guitar, writing music, getting to know people, and generally being a semi-decent person. I was there for almost 1 year to the day before I got kicked out for overdosing. Since then I have decided not to use and have stayed clean since I left, but I am sure at a much worse spot in life. Since I had been at my rehab a full year I was one of the seniors there and was pretty well respected and liked. One- Its been weird loosing that, as well as the general support of all my peers there. Two- Since I have been home I have been to the gym once and not going makes me feel like shit in my mind and body, for some reason I just cant make myself go. Three- Same with my guitar, have played a handful of times and that was my favorite thing to do. Four- I haven't written anyone at my rehab, I really loved all of them and I want to just never seem to get around to it. Five- After a full fucking year all I want to do is go find some fry. :/ Fuck.
don't feel like you need to rush things... everyday you can make small steps towards a new self, but adapting to your environment will not be as easy as just saying "now i'm clean." just don't rush things man.
Change of scenery might be in order if you're physically in the place you were before rehab-- are all the reminders of the life before you cleaned up there? Move and start fresh. Take your guitar and get a gym membership. Find or make a friend who will support you bettering yourself. Peace
Don't complain on the internet about not having the drive to do these things. Instead, go out and do them.
Just make yourself go to the gym just to avoid going the same route, ya know. Just get your mind off negative thoughts bro.
Why didn't I think of that?!? I had a great weekend and got an earful from a bunch of good friends, played my guitar a lot this weekend and I'm going off to the gym in the morning. Time to get over my pity party and do the shit I need to get done.
good for you! it's really just about re-learning how to be a normal/clean person and how to live that life once more sounds silly but it can be much more difficult than it sounds good luck!
sounds like your feeling better than you were, don't get so down on your self "you don't have to be perfect just better than you used to be". take the advice try a meeting, If anything else it will help you build a good network, some of the smartest most successful people in the world attend meetings.
I have been to two meetings since the original post. Honestly I didn't get much out of them but I keep hearing "Come back and eventually it works". So I am going to at least give it a few more shots.
Give it more then a few shots, look for a sponsor and work the steps. Then you will have better understanding. I have been clean for almost 7 years. I was a heroine addict for 14 years. best wishes...
