So today was the first time in a year or so that me and my bf had anal, and it hurt so badly, just like the first time. Is this normal? I mean does your butt tighten back up if you dont have buttsex for a while? Also, is it normal for you to bleed from it?
It's normal to hurt the first few times, sure. It's something you get used to and then it becomes pleasurable (for most women, some women enjoy it right off the bat). It's not normal to bleed. You need to tell your boyfriend to go as slow as possible. I mean SLOOOOOW. And use more lube. Even too much is not enough.
...as for the lube, it seems like it gets dry often, he has to keep stopping to add more, and the reoccuring entering hurts the most... is it normal to have to stop and add more several times? or are we not putting it on right?
What kind of lube are you using? If it's something like KY then there shouldn't be much of a problem. I bet that one of your issues -- the drying. Also what kind of foreplay are you doing? It's important to get you relaxed and not to be tense. Have him lick your anus for a while, and maybe stick a finger or two in afterward to loosen you up, and then try full penetration.
This suggestion is only in the event that you are in a monogamous relationship, if you are using condoms, please IGNORE THIS ADVICE. Barebacking is the best way to have anal. Condoms are just not designed for anal penetration, it's not that you can't use it, but it tends to get dry and makes anal a lot harder. This may sound biased, but I believe anal is only for responsible monogamous couples due to the high risk of contracting STD's. From my personal experience, when barebacking oil based lubes work best. When I first started having anal with my wife, she hated astroglide, it got dry all the time, just like your situation. Water-based lubes dry up, it's the downside of using them, because they were designed for vaginal sex, NOT anal. I believe oil based lubes work best for anal, but only if you're not using condoms and are both STD free and faithful. We decided to try something new, so I bought some fragrance free hypoallergenic lotion. I like to shop natural, so I got her a 100% organic non-petroleum based lotion it was made from shea butter. But it doesn't have to be organic, as long as it's fragrance free and hypo allergenic. Also don't get anything cheap. Get something good and thick like keri lotion or lubriderm if you're going conventional. Don't use vaseline, it seems like it might work, but it's too thick. Oil based lubes tear up latex condoms so DON'T use it if you are using condoms. If you are barebacking lotion is the best IMO. Because it doesn't just coat the penis and the anal opening, rather it kind of makes the anal opening more supple and elastic because I believe some of the lotion is absorbed rather than just coated onto the ass. You are short on cash you can use a plain oil like vegetable oil. I have used it, and it works great. I think this makes anal A LOT easier in my experience than water based lube. And no, pain is not acceptable with anal, at least not at the levels you are experiencing it. A little soarness the next day if you are new, or a little pain upon entry, but nothing more than that. Here is some advice, you must relax. The best way to do that, may I say bluntly, is if your bf eats your ass. Yes, he needs to give your butt a nice wet steamy french kiss. If he rims your ass, it should get your ass wet from the saliva and you should be much more relaxed. Then you can go to fingers or small toys. I would HIGHLY suggest you get a butt plug. It's an anal life saver. Have him eat your ass, and have him put a small slim butt plug in your ass. And than have vaginal sex. And when you feel you are relaxed, have him replace the butt plug with his penis. The butt plug will gently dilate the secondary sphincter and make penetration MUCH more pleasurable and more importantly pain free. In all honesty, it sucks that you boyfriend is not the one on here asking how to help you, he's the one that's hurting you and wants to fuck YOUR ass. He needs to educate himself on these matters, it seems like he doesn't know what he's doing, to be frank. Knowledge is power, get Tristan Taormino's Ultimate Guide to Anal, it's a classic. Good luck with anal, trust me, it's worth it, but if it hurts, something is not right. Don't continue, STOP if it hurts. You could be causing damage to the sphincter. Pain is the way your body tells you something is wrong. A little pain is acceptable but if it's to the point where it's practically unbearable, something is definitely wrong, and bleeding is obviously a sign of tissue damage, so this is WAAY past the pain safe zone. Education is essential for good clean and most importantly safe anal fun!
Triple Ace: thanks for the generous reply, ill definitely take the oil based into considersation next time.
Fuck oil based lube. Use silicone based lube, then you can still use condoms for safety and/or ick factor. It stays slick FOREVER [WET Platinum is great stuff]. It's always gonna hurt if you don't go slow enough. Yr butthole doesn't just... stay stretched out forever. It shrinks back up after a few hours. That's why you always have to make sure to play with it a LOT before he barges up in there. And when he does, make him just... stay for a bit while you get used to it. That's always worked for me. Get it in a coupla inches, past the sphincter, then don't let him move at ALL. It helps if you take a deep breath while he's putting it in, loosens up yr entire body. It's ALL about relaxing. And for the love of GOD, don't use lube with benzocaine or lidocaine, stuff like Anal-Eze. Shit freaks me the hell out. You can really hurt yrself using that, because you won't KNOW if something's wrong because you can't feel it. It just sounds like a horrible idea to me.
I have tried silicone, water, carrageenan, and oil based lubes. Silicone works well, but if you are using toys it can damage them, as many toys are made from premium silicone. The oil based lubes will not damage toys like butt plugs. If you are using condoms, and are not using toys, then yes, silicone can be used. I prefer oil because my girl likes butt plugs, but if you're not using toys, then silicone is my top recommendation. But I strongly suggest you use a butt plug to help you relax. I have to agree that silicone and oil are my top choices for anal. Silicone is great because it does not have to be reapplied. If you are going to use silicone, I recommend eros original or wet platinum. And I agree, stay away from topical anesthetic lubes, they are bad news. Anal takes experiementation, you have to figure out what works for you. You tried the water based. I recommend you try oil and silicone and see which one you like better for yourself. Different strokes for different folks.
anal does not have to hurt, not at all. bleeding is definitely not necessary either, assuming everything's okay health-wise. you really have to work up to it slowly, with lots of lube, and relax. that's really the key. good luck eace:
Get one of those soft rubber ear syringes you know the type that you use to squit water into your ear. Fill it with liquid lube of your choice then squirt it in after penetration with your fingers. Doing this a few time will insure things stay wet and slippery.
they sell some sexttoy that expands your ass--its silicone and opens up the hole--saw it on some porn vid
After a year I could see things tighten back up. My wife and I have been doing anal for 5 years or more, 5-6 times per week and her asshole is still pretty tight although after a good session it does seem a little looser. I guess it all depends on the person. As for bleeding, no prolly not normal.
basically i drip lube regulaly on to my dick as it slides in and out that keeps things moving smothly
