Curious and confused.

Discussion in 'Lesbian' started by bicurious89, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. bicurious89

    bicurious89 Member

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    Ok so I'm not even sure what I'm asking or why I'm posting. And there is a reason I am posting in the Lesbian chat rather than the bisexual. I am attracted to guys, although I never go for the masculine type, usually the opposite. But when I have sex with my b/f or am pleasuring myself, I think of women, quite a lot. And I do believe I had a crush on my best friend when I was a bit younger, however, I always just assumed that I was "jealous" when she'd get a b/f because I wanted more time with her, well ha. Anyway, I just have no clue what to do. The area I live in isn't the most LGBT friendly, and there just aren't that many lesbians here. And for some reason I feel less lesbian/bi because I really am attracted to more femme girls(not super femme but...think tom boys:p)

    Either way though maybe I'm just bi, in that I really am attracted to the person. And I guess my first girl crush was really amazing. I just am not sure because I want to act on these feelings, i want to be sure of who I am and I want to meet someone not just hook up or anything but...
    Problems:
    1. I have a b/f of 2.5 years. And I do love him. I just don't feel 'whole' sometimes.
    2. I live in a really 'dry' place. There's no where to meet anyone.

    Maybe I'm just looking for someone who has dealt with this stuff before.

    P.S. Reason #3 I am worried, is that I do believe I am bisexual. However, anyone up in my area who would consider themselves also bi, are just doing it to hook up with guys and get their attention and in fact the girls aren't really bi at all. and I think that's disgusting and I'm just worried about getting stuck with that kind of stigma.
     
  2. bicurious89

    bicurious89 Member

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  3. what2do

    what2do Member

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    Hahaha, i think your in the same boat as me here. Can I give you some advise?
    Try it.
    Dont have to tell your bf, just find a girl, and try it.
    Its the only way (i believe) you will find out.
    If you like it and you see yourself doing this long time - tell your bf
    If you dont like it you either have the choice of
    - telling your boyfriend (he might think its quite hot)
    or - just stay with your boyfriend and keep it your little secret.

    If you think he is down to earth - maybe tell him how your feeling now?
    He might encourage you to try it with a girl
    you never know unless you ask :)
     
  4. datbluegurl

    datbluegurl Member

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    keep the boyfriend and talk him into an open relationship?
    some boyfriends are cool with letting their gf's sleep with other women..
     
  5. UnreasonableDemands

    UnreasonableDemands Member

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    I would recommend against just finding a girl and fucking her behind your bf's back, that's a sure fire way to ruin your relationship if he ever finds out. I also don't think that you need to have sex with women to know you like women. Did you need to sleep with men to know you like them? I think you might be bi, but there are many degrees of bisexuality and a grid and so on, only you can say if you're bi or not and where on those many scales you fall. If you want to go out an play I think you should talk to your boyfriend about it if he means that much to you and you intend to keep him. Good luck
     
  6. DazedGypsy

    DazedGypsy fire

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    There may be genuine bi/les chicks in your area. Not all of us are fake!

    Maybe try talking to your bf about your feelings. See if experimenting or opening the relationship is an option. Remember that another person cannot make you feel "whole." This comes from within.

    :peace:
     
  7. chapfalleneyes

    chapfalleneyes Member

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    yeah, I agree with the others---please don't do this behind your boyfriend's back. That's dishonest and you will regret it if he finds out. If you feel that your feelings towards women are strong and sincere, you need to tell him what you're feeling and hope he is somewhat understanding of the situation.

    And I don't think you should "feel less lesbian/bi because I really am attracted to more femme girls." I myself am a lesbian, and I'm pretty much only attracted to femme girls. It sounds like you are attracted to feminine characteristics in general, and it's up to you whether you want to date a woman or a man who possesses feminine qualities. One of those options should work for you.
     
  8. that one girl

    that one girl Guest

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    I dealt with the exact same thing you're dealing with. My boyfriend and I actually broke up because I didn't exactly "feel whole" either. My area is small town, same way, no bi or lesbian girls that are open about it. that's why I'm moving next month. I have to get away and find more people like me that understand my thought process and how I'm feeling.

    I agree that you shouldn't do anything behind his back. It ruins the trust and it's a sure-fire way to strain your relationship. If you really love him, I suggest just telling him. Perhaps he'd be fine with it and encourage you to experiment or whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better about it.
     

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