Husband cheating with netsluts

Poster
Look at it as an achievment.
Your marriage succeeded the 52% divorce rate in the western world for 1-5 years of marriage. It has only gotten worse.

I wrote this about marriage and it was a pretty insightful post about marriage and thinking about marriage problems.

"Marriage is a way of life, as much as it is a decision. The decision to have it as a way of life and feel pleasure from it MORE than hardship, is a direct outcome of how much you know what you will feel, think and ACT like about the thousands of potential things that we think, feel and act about in life, for the rest of your life. When you marry someone it is your responsibility that you understand both how you will feel about a multitude of things that directly affect your feelings, thoughts and actions towards the person you marry. AND also the types of things that will come into your life.

NAturally, I will never be able to marry for longer than what I imagine is a reasonable time frame - such as 3-5 years(depending on how good the relationship is). Also, we would hypothetically already talk about the liklihood that we may not be able to keep our commitment...so it wouldnt really be a commitment, more of a light promise, to most likely some financial things. Beyond that you would have to either have the skills, knowledge and prediction capacities that entail the above assumptions about 'promising you ill be able and willing to love someone and maintain sanity, happiness and relaxation.

As a reflection of our skills and most likely our inability to re-think cultural norms due to lack of education on them, 50 % marriages in the latest decades have lasted less than 5 years and a majority of the percentage that stays in their promise, unwittedley report problems in their maiirage, that are constant and have given rise to notions of divorce in both spouses.

My theory about mairrage and why it causes problems is quite spot on, as me and m partner went throug as period where we tested this and talked about this ecstatically for months, less so now. It revolves around our inability to adapt cultural norms to our present technological and highly connected world. In short, before those that were married and who made the promise to live together their whole lives, did so in a time where there existed small rural communities with little to no connection to the outside world. This made for a situation where the option to meet new and after a while of the same old same old, exciting people, inexistent. Due to the lack of internet dating sites, such as lavalife, craiglist etc etc. This made for a situation where people could not see that there was better people than who they are with, due to the philosophical law of comparisons. A law that's assumes " If there is nothing for an individual to compare thing A to that the individual knows of, then thing A will always take precedence over thing B C D ETC ETC, not because thing A is better, but because in order for someone to have an opinion of thing A, they need at least one more thing, to do so. Take a small town for instance, population 300, farm community. Person A see's their relationship, compares it to relationship B, see's that its the same thing and see's no reason for change. Ok,now take Toronto, population 2 000 000, where you see 300 potential new relationships to compare to your already existing one, in lets say, two days. The likelihood that you will want to change is much larger this TIME period than it was before and this is the major reason why marriage worked before but fails us now...there's so much more to choose from and experience, even when we have already chosen...Then ADD in ALL the potential people you will meet on sites like these and you may just see that what I advertised and have already bought on sale from book and a lot of experimentation, is a better bargain than its evolutionary weaker, but no by necessity to all, stronger cultural paradigm.

I hope this helps you to more stable, relaxed, adventurous and passionately explosive relationships, minus the unwarranted heartbreak.

Fair well and focus all your might, repetition is the key. "

I hope you enjoy it.

 

porn can get addicting. just try and make sure he's not about lookin at it every day, thats when it could be a problem. i say be open with him, let him do it, but give him some rules. rules like, not every day, ya gotta eat me out first, or whatever. i would just try to be tolerant of it. or ask him if he wants to involve you in some way. maybe u could give him a treat while he looks as long as he takes ya to bed afterwords.
guys are always gonna like young hot naked chicks, but that dosent mean we cant love our partners as they get older too.

 

if it bothers her, it bothers her. not everyone here is a free love bigomist.


i'd say if he keeps doing it, and it sincerely bothers you, he either #1 is lying to you about sincerely wanting to not do it or #2 he has an addiction. doesn't take a chemical to have an addiction. i'd say consider talking to him about getting counseling for it.

 

It's his business. The problem is not the lying. He said he'd stop and he probably has tried. He's probably hooked. Anyway, it's a harmless pastime.

This is something most men seem to understand, but few women seem able to grasp: your feelings do not have anything to do with your SO's obligations. It is absolutely impossible for someone else to take responsibility for your feelings. You've got the responsibility, like everyone, of staying focused on what's really important and managing your own emotional reactions in a rational manner. If you fail in that responsibility, like anyone's, your life will become chaotic and destructive to yourself and those around you.

 

When are you women going to get it straight?: There is nothing wrong with a man doing what men do.

Simply put, men want young, hard-bodied, sex-kitten fuck-bunnies much more than they want middle-aged, out of shape types. It is a proven fact that this is hardwired into a mans brain.

I know it may really suck to hear that, but its true. The only reason you think differently is because you have, for your entire life, been brainwashed by American conservative BS, which in turn has been influenced by the Christian church & all of its mindless sheep...

He probably loves you, but let's separate that from his sexual desires. Despite everything you've had drilled into your head and made the mistake of not questioning, the two (love and sexual desire) are not necessarily the same thing and in fact can be easily detached from one another. Men do it all the time...its our nature and thus our God-given right!

So don't be so worried. He loves you. He just wants to fuck something younger & tastier:drool5:

Bri

 

Out of everything I read here. THIS was the best advice.

Porn or not. It still bothers her, people. Lying to her is just stepping stones to what he might do next.

 

i was referring to the cheating with internet whores, not the porn by the way. i don't think there's too many guys out there who don't watch porn.

 

Ok. So it bothers her. But it's just normal male behavior. It's not his responsibility to make sure he never does anything that bothers her.

I'm sure she bothers him, too, from time to time. It's an inevitable part of any two people living together that they're each going to be bothered by some habit or preference of the other.

To suggest counseling to correct some harmless behavior simply because it bothers the woman is to elevate the woman's desires above the man's for no reason other than the fact she is a woman. It's patently unfair.

Also, to try to extrapolate from his behavior any future action other than a continuation of what he's already doing is catastrophizing and overreaction disguised as reasoned caution.

 

^^^Hear, hear.

 

how is it unfair? he's cheating. granted, it's online. but still. i don't think this falls into the same category as leaving up the toilet seat. it's a little more than just something that bothers her when it comes to infidelity.

flowerchild, i'd suggest asking for advice somewhere like a psychology forum or something. somewhere where there are professionals and not just a whole lot of people who think cheating when it isn't approved by your partner is acceptable behavior.

 

jacking off to pictures has nothing to do with free love or bigamy..


thats a ridiculous comment..

or he doesnt really see the big deal about it. i have a hard time even calling it a lie. in a relationship people often say things just to mellow out the moment on both sides of the aisle.

 

i wasn't talking about the porn man. i was talking about the cyber sex or whatever with girls online.

 

there was never anything mentioned about cybersex by the OP.
in fact she said as far as she knows he has never talked to any women online.

she said it was porn.nothing more.

 

She never once mentions cybersex. That would be a different story. She says he watches porn online and now has some videos. That is all she says.

 

He's not cheating any more than any man or woman who ever looks lustfully at another person is cheating.

The infidelity doesn't take place on a physical level. It's a huge mistake for someone in a relationship to try to police the thoughts of the other partner.

 

ah, guess i misinterpreted this part. oops.

/me shuts up

 

I can assume that was hyperbole because it was the first time she used the word "dating", however she used the word "still". Her concern at the end was not that he would leave her for some other woman he'd met on the internet, but that he'd leave her for a Ukrainian porn star. She considers looking at pornography, which is a one-way form of communication, to be similar to dating, which is a two-way form of communication. This is her logical flaw.

 

She ultimately has a feeling of betrayal that occurs on behalf of her upbringing that emotions are an outcome of who a person is. Betrayal, IMO, is a relative emotional response and to many, it obviously differs. I propose that everyone acknowledge the relativity of betrayal, to conclude that almost any answer here could be BOTH wrong and right. To the OP:

I suggest recognizing that your husband is not by necessity responsible for how he feels and that you attempt to understand that people are different and change over-time, he is not the same person you married and will never be. Therefore, acknowledge that he is not at fault for this change and either come to compromise, change him or get a divorce.

If at all, there is simply just imcompatability in this relationship and it happened down the road. 1 out of 2 relationships that utilize marriage as a tool to better their lives fails in under 15 years. This is the trend and it looks like you two must have entered into mairrage without a complete understanding of it, because I imagine you would not have purposefully brought this situation unto yourself.

To the readers and viewers - the success of a marriage is an extremely difficult thing to predict. Our lives are dynamic processes that do not wait for a persons opinion before it changes and drags the persons emotions, actions and thoughts with it. Caution, one must be able to predict how you will feel from the changes and how your partner will, equally. I am by-partisan on this, marriage can have benefits. Here, I must say that predicting changes, judging by how rapidly they occur sometimes, is something I will not believe myself about, unless it is under 1-3 years, at most.

For light and understanding - power and control over our lives direction.

 

This topic has been done Many times and have the ability to snowball it self into something bigger then it realy is.

Man looks at porn, Woman finds out and is hurt by it, and requests it to be stopped, Man inevitably goes back to it, in which case he doesn't say due to tried to stop looking at it before and it did not work.. Or is embarrased by it mentally.

Women give it more meaning then what it realy is. The answer to the problem is: Men get stimulated "Visually". This was mentioned in posts back. Though its very simple concept, I think its been miss defined on the Visual Aspect.. Cause the answer women have always comes up about "Bigger breast's", "better figure" and what not and compare it to themselves. This is not what the meaning is. Its literally we see what ever it is that is there and work with that, and half the time the clip was forgotten about afterwards. normaly right away or less then hour.. and we do even realy look at the who or the whole body of the women in the clips anyway. Its that basic and simple.

Women I think just can't understand due to they have to have some sort of connection to what they look at to do the same. And probably actually remember the clip or video. Since this is what they are used to they are compareing this to what the man see's.

Literally We can get off to clips that are less then a minute long, and the realy long clips are avoided or fast forwarded through.. Sitting through some sort of entire DVD storyline is quite boreing and we would more tend to fall asleep, so we skip all that, get what we see is interesting and turn it off.

It is addicting, as well it gets us relaxed afterwards, maybe tired as well, and sometimes gives us a clarity feeling. My GF a few years back had gone through the same thing and I left it saying I would try not to. though Didn't see each other everyday and sometimes not every week (liveing distance reasons). And so when she inquired I didn't bothering lieing on it, cause there was no point. And the stuff didn't effect me relationship wise or give me the sudden need to think about the clips while with her. Then the again the clips where forgotten about in less then hr anyway =P

 

I wouldnt put yourself in self judging situation because he saw someone else naked. He sees other people every day. If he was going to judge you against others, he would have done that yeeeears ago. People are sexual creatures. It's impossible to not have urges to see naked people. I think you are asking him to be above that which would indeed qualify him for superhuman. Good luck with this. I sure would hope this dont get you down too bad. I'm surprised it lasted that long as rigid as it sounds. of course thats only my two cents worth. I am but one.