I know exactly what you mean, do just feel really distant alot like you just can't get right. Did you ever think that maybe rather than going crazy your'e starting to break through, get things right, and it feels weird because your'e not used to it yet?
"have urges too. sometime I just get urges to do thing that might hurt or kill poeple. wanted to push a lady in front a subway train once, dont know why, just wanted to. long as I have grip reality I wont these things." Okay i dont know if you were serious on this one, but i get those aswell, not that i'd ever do it, but sometimes i let my imagination play with them for a bit! And it seems to me that we are all going through the same kindof crap, or have before...maybe it has something to do with growing up?