Wtf stoner moments

ok needed to post this asap, just remembered it

a week ago i was staying at my parents house with my band (we just got back from my little sister's grad (eight grade)) and so we're up at about 11 coming down from a sweet high when my dad walks in and starts a conversation with us. I swear this is no lie.

Dad: Why is it when one side of the v that geese fly in is longer?

Alex: iunno (he's shitfaced)

Dad: cause it's longer smart ass

Alex: I agree (inside joke, say this in a bemused tone when someones a dumbass)

Dad: i c how it is

Ryan: go back to sleep man... is your dad stoned? (whispers)

meanwhile my dad walks over to the computer and behind it on the stairs is my parents bengal cat lazio, so my dad looks right at him

Dad: hey lazio, i was gonna name you trixie when we got you,

he turns the computer off and literally tells it " you have to go to sleep sometime, im gonna get a bucket of snow."

so were watching him from the kitchen trying to hold back the laughter, and we fucking burst out laughing as my dad went back to bed and we were just like "dude WTF!"

so anyways post your wtf moments

 

also to double post my dad is usually really messed especially his sense of humour, i swear my dad was fucking stoned that night lol

 

I was at a concert 2 weeks ago. The band was called April Wine, they were actually pretty damn famous back in the 70's but now they're "has beens" and old washed up rock stars.

But anyway we were pretty close to the stage and my friend yelled "Play I wanna rock and get the fuck off the stage".

Somehow the singer heard him and said "That's twisted sister you jackass".

 

wow so only one experience?

 

I was getting out of my boyfriends truck tonight and I leaned in to get my backpack and slammed my head against the door frame...almost knocked myself out cold.

It was pretty wtf...and hilarious.

 

I had a terrible stoner moment, just found out yesterday

Tuesday evening I went to the park to chill with some friends. We sat their till late in the evening, then we sat at a friend's place at home. Well, somewhere past midnight I was pretty under the influence so I cycled to my place, locked my bike to a tree as usual with a chain lock and went to bed.
Didn't look at my bike till yesterday, I walked to the park again, we got stoned there and then we walked back to my place. My friend walks past the tree and was joking 'look man, your lock is still there but your bike is gone'. We took a closer look and what the fuck, it was really the case...
So... I must have locked my chain only around the tree tuesday night, left my bike to grab for everyone (and bikes get knicked here real fast). Goddamn it! I had to think about three times yesterday after I fully understand in what a stupid way I lost my bicycle!!

 

Hahaha, awesome.

 

It sounds like your dad sleep walks.

One of the bigger stoner moments I had came after a 2 month break from smoking. Needless to say, we broke celibacy with a big sess. by the lake. I was very high. Then we decided to go buy an ice tea at the little store. I walked in and tried to open the glass fridge door, but the hinges swung the opposite way I was expecting and I open it right into my face. I saw stars and gave myself a fat lip. The clerk just gave me the "you fucking stoner" look.

 

Couple weeks ago I was at the trailhead ready to do some mountain biking, I grabbed my bowl and my pot, locked the car and shut the doors.....with my keys, wallet, phone and my backpack still inside.

 

I always have stupid stoner moments. Everytime I decide to get really blazed and go for a cruise I end up getting too fucked up and it always goes like this:

1. I get in my car in a really happy care free state of mind.

2. I put some music on and blast it (usually The Doors, Floyd, Chili Peppers, or once in a while some trance)

3. I start cruising and jaming out to my music.

4. Now I start having this feeling like I'm flying through the clouds at a million miles per hour with a big shit eating grin on my face. Groovy, right?

5. Until that flying feeling turns more into a sinking feeling and the clouds turn into some sort of black hole or vortex.

6. Now I start realizing how fucking small this car is... Honda Civic, fucking Japs. Nazi loving assholes. I need to get out of here!

7. Anthony Keidis keeps telling me to suck his kiss and I'm scared shitless, I need to get fucking home!

8. I'm seeing flashing lights everyone. Every cop in the county must have figured out how stoned I am. Shit! Leave me alone!

9. Steps 5-8 repeat until I finally make it back home.

10. As soon as I step out of my car I'm suddenly happy as hell again and in some state of blissful ignorance I don't even remember being freaked out of my mind just a second ago.

God I love weed.

 

Wake and baked and me and a friend were driving to his house and there was a bunch of horses in the street in his neighborhood... I had just woken up/was ripped so I was like wtf is this real or what.

 

LMAO.

Yea we have deer all around Chicago and sometimes they wander from the forests and into the subdivisions. It's always funny as shit when you're stoned and you look out your window and there's just a big fucking deer standing in your yard.

 

I don't know where these horses wandered from. there arent wild horses around here or anything...
deer are another story. I have at least 3 close calls a week with deer cause the road i take from between lees summit and KC always has deer on it. seriously a new dead one on the side of the road every day.

 

There was the time I told my friend his computer was broken, because when I clicked on the internet explorer icon it wouldn't open.
It took us 15 minutes to figure out that it wouldn't open simply because I was double-clicking so slowly.

 

hahahaha neo

Now, I don't remember this, but I was told what happened after I had came down...
I got stoned before school, and I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom, all alone. I called my friend while she was in class and asked her to keep me company. She came, and we stood and talked for a while. Apparently I kissed her, then tried licking her face. She asked, "What the hell are you doing?" and I responded, "I was just trying to put my tongue over your eye like an eye patch..."

 

your sig looks a little bit like an anus at first glance.

 

k

 

And on second.

Alright, my parents house is honestly one block from a gas station. And back like two years ago me and a buddy left my house to go get some food. We ended up getting lost around my neighborhood even though the gas station was in a straight line from my house. Was a fun day though.

 

Well, I still need a bike!

 

No shit, the most weirdest things always have to happen when your high!

I remember we and my friend were walking along the road to his house, it was nearing 6:00, and this old guy on a small, trashed up bike with one of those baskets in the front, came up along side us and starts rambling on about being on "the wrong side of life" and to watch out for the goblins LOL after a while he just stops talking and rides off...
I'm pretty sure i was freaked out the whole time but i looked over to my friend and he had this look of understanding on his face. He was like "Dude, was that guy a wizard? He totally knew everything..."

And another time we were SOOO stoned we thought that all the voices in a crowd we we're walking through had strong british accents (I live in Australia) haha

Ahhhh, good times...