I was wondering what peoples thoughts were on group marriage? I mean multiple men and multiple women all together as primary partners in every way, sexually, finacially, living arrangements, etc. the same way it is in monogomy but with more people. lets say 4 or more. I do not mean open marriage as in a single primary partner with sexual hookups on the side. Thoughts? could it work or not? and why? how do you imagine a situation in which it could work?
Between agreeing, consenting adults, I'm fine with it. A bit of info from my-filled-with-too-much-trivia mind lol........... Polyandry- One woman with two or more husbands. Yes it does occur. (The name of the country where it is legal, eludes me atm). Some where near the Himalaya's (I think). Polygyny- One man with two or more wives. Polygamy- The state of having more than one "married" spouse. It's not just a christian practice. Though, some (not all) Mormon's practice this, as do Messianic Jewish people (They called themselves Judeo-Christians) and other Christians. Some Muslims practice it. Pagans have practiced it too (some still do). Buddhists have practiced it too. It is/was practiced among warrior tribes- (for want of more apt word, brain seems to be leaving me in the lurch atm lol). If you think about it, a man produces millions of sperm, where as a woman can only get pregnant during a small window of time, once a month. When hubby goes off to war -BIG risk of death. At home wives are pregnant with more potential warriors. He can get a woman or two pregnant everyday (if he has the stamina)lol. I have researched this topic and interviewed people who live in a polygamous marriage (both polygyny and polyandry). I had thought of writing a book, but other things have kept me from doing this, thus far. All, most people know of polygamy, is what the media feeds us about young girls being married off to blokes old enough to be their fathers, in cults. Yes, it does happen BUT this is not always the case. On Oprah, a couple of years ago, women (sister wives) were interviewed. They looked like ordinary suburban women. Make up, hairdo's, shirts and pants. They all knew each other - no hubby sneaking off to boink other women. They all treated each other like family. Yes, there were some disagreements, but the same disagreements that we all have. Bills, shopping, whatever. In most modern polygamous marriages - polyandrous or polygynous- everyone meets and knows each other before they are married into the family. Wives may even pick the next wife. Husbands may pick the next husband. This does happen. A lot whom I have interviewed said that they were perplexed, as to why others automatically assumed it was that all about sex. Sure there's sex, but it's not the reason for multi-marriage. Anyone who enters into this, knows that they have to be "present" parents and not just come home to get laid. You actually have to be pretty centred/balanced to make it work, whether man with wives, or woman with husbands. In history, polyandry has been practiced for protection for the wife (among other reasons- but I'm tired atm). Polygyny has been practiced to repopulate. It's not always about oppression as the media would have you believe. It's not about s-e-x either. If you based it on sex then it could be about favoritism and create disharmony in the home AND who wants to married to wives/husbands who hate each other? In our fantasies, who wouldn't like to have two fella's or (for the blokes and lesbians among us) two women in bed? lol. I would love to husbands for hanky panky lol, but to base a marriage on just that wouldn't work. Marriage is more than just boinking (though that's awesome fun). Anyway, I've got a cold that won't go away......and I'm tired. Think I'm starting to not make any sense lol...... possums in gumboots spaghetti henna tattoo.
Tibet and Nepal. And there's a tiny tribe in southern India called Toda that do it too I should add that you know a lot about polygyny and polyandry. But what about polyamory and most importantly polyfidelity? Like, not so much as a man with many wives or a woman with many husbands, because two wives to one husband will usually live like sisters and devote themselves to their husband but not each other. They remain faithful to one spouse. But what about two husbands and two wives who are all married to each other? That's what beyondhuman was wondering.
I know about polyamoury, not against that. My post was already long and like I said I have a cold. (It's winter here). I also have a small child who is very sick with this cold. So, I am tired. I have a friend who is part of a triad. MFF. Not my thing, but I'm more interested in who a person is inside. She knows, it's not my thing and I respect her life and she respects mine. I have researched polyfidelity and polyamoury too. Years ago, I had entertained the idea of polyfidelity/polygamy (which also falls under the heading of polygamy). Meaning, everyone in the "marriage" is (for want of better word) faithful to each other. Meaning not off having an affair. Everyone knows everyone and it's all in the marriage. I thought how awesome it would be to live on acreage in the country, one BIG house, two or 3 of us women and 2 or 3 blokes. For each bloke all of us women are married to them and like wise. We all love each others kids, no matter whose womb they came from. A big secure, nurturing environment for kids to grow up in. We keep relatively self sufficient. Chickens, ducks, Orchard, Strawbale house that we built together. A family. I couldn't find any who shared this idea. The responses I did get were mostly from perverts who didn't get it. No genuine interest. What lead me to research poly (gamy, andry, amoury, fidelity, gyny etc.) was that I am interested in people. I saw a letter in a magazine from someone who was in a polyamourous relationship. Whilst I am straight, I am not intolerant of much. Clearly monogamy is not for everyone- but also I respect those who prefer that too. I found it fascinating. I find people fascinating. I have researched religions too. Beachy amish, Peachy Amish, who drive cars and use mobile phones, whilst still wearing clothes that we associate with the Amish. It's humourous what society deems "normal", when there are millions of people not living the way we are encouraged to believe is "normal" lol. It begs the question, what is "normal" then? If most of us aren't being "normal". lol So long as everyone in the marriage/relationship/whatever agrees and it's about love and respect (eg; no one is in it against their will). I'm cool with it. Too much hate in the world. Judgment breeds more judgment and more negative feelings about our fellow man. (Yes, I've studied psychology too) lol Anyway I don't wanna take over this thread..... :blush5:
Oops! forgot to say........yes it does work. People do successfully live and love this way. You could pay off a mortgage in no time too lol. Forget the standard 25years to pay it off. K I've said enough on this topic.
There's a polygamist colony in my little town. The only problem that I have with them is that most of them are Americans living here illegally and nobody bothers them. And here I am, an America, legally married, having a hell of a time getting citizenship or any sort of status beyond "visitor" so far. And they fuck their family. I don't believe in religious polygamy for those reasons. Otherwise, whatever. If that's how someone wants to live, and they aren't having inbred cousin-sister-brother-uncle children, fine with me. Hell, if we could find another wife that we could trust I'd probably do it, but I don't think I could clean up after another husband, haha!
Why would you get married? What is the purpose of promising emotions and trying to control them when they do not abide by the promise, emotions are better intellectualized. This is a highly unintellectual decision, because I sincerly doubt that you can look 10 - 40 years into the future.
I know people who are making it work. There are benefits, especially sexually and financially...but it takes a LOT more work than a monogamous couple's relationship. It takes very open, honest, strong and independent people, they say.
I think love is so big its meant to be shared, that's why currently I feel that living a polyamorus lifestyle is the best fit for me. I love both my boyfriend and his wife very much and couldn't imagine our relationship without either one of them. I say our relationship because I am as much a part of his and hers relationship and she is part of his and my relationship. Just because we are "open" to new relationships doesn't mean we go around fucking everyone. We have rules and lines that if crossed will be considered cheating on every person in our relationship. I've recently started dating a 2nd guy and communication with my primary boyfriend is crucial to making it work. Someday when I'm done with school and able to contribute to the household we plan on all living together and raising a family together as a triad possibly more if one or more of us finds another partner. I believe that having a family with several parents all in one household with kids all sharing responsibilities and contributing to the home can work. It may have flaws and have difficulties but no more than any marriage/family would have. This is an excellent article about a poly family making the lifestyle work http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29239960/
I like the way you wrote that (not just what I quoted but the whole thing). I liked the article too. I liked what you wrote though because it was very opinionated, you stated your beliefs and not what's right or wrong. I personally prefer the concept of a monogamous relationship, but I'm not one that considers the polyamorous life to be disgusting or wrong. Polyamorous relationships are common in some countries and hold tradition. Where we come from, polyamorous are a minority and the act of plural marriage is illegal. I've heard people say that plural marriage should be legalised, which I think in a lot of countries would be a horrible idea. It would only raise issues with lies and cheating and disable the need to divorce. The whole act of marriage wouldn't be so special. I personally agree that love is so big, but I think it's best when it's meant for one person. The feeling of being head-over-heels and madly in love with butterflies in the tummy, is an emotion that to me is best focused on one person. I might even at times come up with crushes on other people, but it'd only ever be a small sexual attraction and nothing comparible to what I would feel for my other half. (I love the term 'other half' by the way.) I want to give whatever (romantic) love I have only to one person. The love I feel for my family (siblings, parents, extended etc.) is a real love, but it's different. It's the kind of love that's unconditional, and although romantic love becomes unconditional too, it is romantic. I also would want to share the love for my baby with only one person. I want to share a child with the person who helped me create it, I want to love that child because they are my own flesh and blood (of course not solely because of the biological aspect, just somewhat), I don't want anybody else to have the same connection that I do with my biological children. I don't believe that humans were born to be monogamous. Certainly not when it comes to sex, our instincts and hormones tell us to mate like crazy. But we certainly find the attraction and ability to love romantically easier when in a monogamous relationship. Although the majority of the animal kingdom aren't monogamous, there are still strong monogamous relationships. The lynx, the fox, the wolf, the penguin, for example, are all believed to be monogamous. Some of them are monogamous for the time that they are together, others are everlasting. I want to fall in love and cherrish him for the rest of my life. I can't think of anything better than that.
I remember when I first fell in love. I felt like a door had been opened, and I wanted to bring everyone in the world through that door with me. I wanted to grab and hold everyone to celebrate that such a wonderful experience was actually available to us. Limiting that sharing, that expression, that joy was the furthest thing from my mind. Love was a possibility for every human relationship, and one that I deeply, deeply wanted to make real. But we learn, in time, to associate love with pain. Then, we only share it when we feel compelled by Love itself to do so, and only for so long as we absolutely must. And the door closes, and the world goes back to black and white and shades of gray.
I enjoy keeping love to myself, it falls apart sharing it so that is what I try to do now without being legally detained. I tend to drive people crazy
I think it would work, in 2008 4 of our sisters start building a all lesbian commune, they bought an old supermarket split the room in 4 rooms, livingroom, kitchen, bathroom and 1 sleeproom for all ( we sleep all together in 1 room ) All our sisters are all the time together working cleaning sharing all what we need in day life. 5years ago we reached the maximum of 16 sisters who live together the commune is very stable every one is on the same level all doing well, all the sisters take care for each other. On this moment we are all so long together in a stable situation we decided to get to an higher level in our relationship, we take steps into our group mirrage, we take ths step so that we become all wifes from each other to reach that we come psychic closer to each other so that our love life and sexlife reach an higher level than it now is
I know of two couples who live together that share all the house hold responsibilities, and sex together. Yes, they are married couples, but they share sexual desires openly with each other. They all work to meet household bills. They lead a very private life together. No kids. The women are bi sexual and they do sleep together but fuck the husband as well.The men seem to be dominate, but not abusive. I know another married lady that her husband is very happy to share his wife with a very close friend. You would never suspect any problems, and they are very happy. It all about privacy and respect.
Wow, I know of experiences very similar to Panama Jack's comments above. There are many examples of couples sharing a home or apartment together, in order to split housing costs. I had a very close friend in high school but because of the military, we separated and grew apart. At our 20 year HS reunion, we reconnected and caught up. He was involved in a house sharing arrangement because of ridiculous rents in his town. He was married and answered an ad and he and his wife wound up going in with another married couple splitting all shared costs. It was a relatively small house, 2 BR, 2 bath, so they didn't have much space to keep their lives separate. Sounds were always a factor, especially during their initial time together. The small house had its 2 bedrooms right next to each other with non insulated walls between them. Sex was not private right from the beginning. Understand that when the 2 couples agreed to move in together, there was no intention to share anything except financial responsibilities. My friend told me that hearing the other couple having sex (very frequently, at least once daily) was a big turn on to him, and shortly afterwards, to his wife also. It took lots of trust in their marriage but they finally admitted to each other that sex with the other married couple might be fun. His wife went out with the other wife so that the 2 guys could be alone to talk. My friend basically asked the other guy if they could hear them having sex (knowing full well they could) and if it was bothersome to them. The topic was brought up and he swung the conversation towards sharing partners. The first few minutes were embarrassing but the couples swapped partners and it was very good and the habit proliferated. The arrangement worked out and basically wound up improving each other their respective marriages and lasted for many years.
are there also communes who take childeren into their mirrage? We have 2 childeren 12 and 15 year old they will we take also into our mirrage so that they become our wives too.
