aspergers and our relationship......

OK i'm not positive where i should put this but I'm curious about some things.
I'm good friends with a guy who has aspergers, and really its not that bad, other than he is a little socially akaward.
If we were to get into a relationship...which its sorta heading that way...i know i'd want to do stuff physical. But people with aspergers often have trouble with touching...this would seriously limit the relationship....i mean can they have sex without feeling really uncomfertable?

Does anyone here have aspergers, or experience with people who have and how their relationships are affected? and how to work around these issues.

 

What do you mean by "trouble with touching", exactly? Are you saying he can't touch anything? Can't stand being touched? Touches himself inappropriately? Touches other people inappropriately?

 

I have Aspergers, and I don't have a problem with touching, but I know it's a common symptom.

I do think that if you get close to each other, touching won't be an issue. It's usually just a problem when it's someone their not completely comfortable around. Take it gradually and don't worry too much in advance

edit: To Rig, as in "can't stand being touched"

 

just make sure you go at his pace. he will become comfortable enough for you to touch him and have sex. i know some people with aspergers who are married and have kids, so it's not impossible. and that's mostly what aspergers is, is being socially awkward and not understanding social norms and cues. everyone has issues that you will have to work around, his just came with a diasgnosis.

 

A diagnosis which gives a free excuse for being a dork

 

Start by calling it "assburgers". That oughtta get him hot.

 

"mostly what aspergers is, is being socially awkward and not understanding social norms and cues. everyone has issues that you will have to work around, his just came with a diasgnosis."

Bingo, at the higher functioning levels, most people with asperger's just seem socially awkward. For example, babies with asp. don't always understand that smiling means someone is happy.

As far a touching goes, its case by case. I have a couple family members with asp. and one is very huggy/affectionate and the other is a little aloof. They both are very interested in a relationship; one is in a LTR with a great women and the other is 16 and girl crazy haha.

If you are interested in a relationship, I would just take things slow and make sure he is extra comfortable with you. Also, when the time comes, be blunt about your intentions, because the lingerie, candles, and wine might not be enough of a social cue for him to pick up on.

 

My experiences with Asperger's are similar to what's already been said. The fear of touching is usually associated with deeper levels of autism, but Asperger's covers a wide range of symptoms, so it's possible it could show up.

You should be able to find out about this before you get to the sex stage, though. Is he physically affectionate at all? Can you touch him on the arm or shoulder without him flinching? How about touching his face? Does he like to kiss? Does he like to touch you?

Also the flip side. That is, not always using the normal social norms and cues. For example, his facial expressions and body language may say something that he doesn't really intend. You may need to specifically ask about his feelings if it seems like he's acting in a way that contradicts what you think he really feels.

I also think it's important to point out that people with Asperger's have the same feelings as anyone else, they just have trouble expressing them. I say that because there's a fairly common misconception that Asperger's people "don't have feelings" or that they "don't have normal human emotions." That's totally false.

I once had an Asperger's person explain it to me this way ... he said it was like when Americans visit the UK. Americans and Brits both speak English, but it's not exactly the same English, and they sometimes have misunderstandings because they think they're speaking the same English. But they're not.

 

Is this thread a coincidence or what?

I've been seeing the trailers for a while now about an upcoming movie, Adam, that looks like the romantic comedy that I plan to see.

Beth & Adam


It is implied that Adam has Asperger's Syndrome, but the PC press releases from the studio play that down.

Synopsis: (--© Fox Searchlight ) Romance can be risky, perplexing and filled with the perils of miscommunication -- and that's if you aren't ADAM, for whom life itself is this way.... In this heartfelt romantic comedy, Hugh Dancy stars as Adam, a handsome but intriguing young man who has all his life led a sheltered existence - until he meets his new neighbor, Beth (Rose Byrne), a beautiful, cosmopolitan young woman who pulls him into the outside world, with funny, touching and entirely unexpected results. Their implausible and enigmatic relationship reveals just how far two people from different realities can stretch in search of an extraordinary connection.

But there are sites out there that have already talked about this because the movie has been out at the film festivals.

Adam stars Hugh Dancy and Rose Byrne meet with Moving Pictures at the 2009 Sundance Film Festival to talk about their film and the challenges of portraying a character with Asperger's Syndrome.

 

not all people with aspergers have problems with touching, more mild forms do.

 

What does he say about it?

If you can't talk about it with him, there are a host of reasons to not take your relationship with him any deeper.
Alternatly
If you can't talk with him about it, your relationship needs to get deeper in the talking-to-each other area before getting deeper romantically.

 

It looks like Jasceyann is not talking to us about it either, since July 8.

Another of those one-post "Guests" who never come back after starting a multiple page discussion thread amongst the site regulars. I seriously think the mods are doing this just to keep the site busy.

 

It's a conspiracy, maaaaan. It's meant to keep this place interesting

 

I don't know I guess it really depends on the person. I have autism and I love being touched. I actually have very strong sexual fantasies but have never had sex before. Yes many people with AS or Autism don't like being touched not even a tap on the shoulder. For me though I constantly want hugs, to touch hands, so yeah it just depends.

 

So the thread is dead, but maybe the guest comes back to read the posts...

or maybe, the poster is a regular who just didnt want to put this out there under their own name...

whatever... I'm just curious as to why more people didn't say this part sooner;

Why do people always avoid talking to people they say they are interested in?

Nobody here, including anyone who has AS or those who have dealt with them before can tell you a single thing about HIM.... only HE can do that...