I don't know where to start. My son, who is three now, is quite intelligent and very well spoken. Just like so many other children out there, he repeats what he hears and acts out what he is taught. I know that he will learn about racism and he will learn about hatred, but does he need to learn about it from his own family? Due to some unfortunate circumstances, my wife, children and I had to move back in with my parents. My parents are "Super Christians" who never sin, and can do absolutely no wrong. I mean they are perfect in every way, just as an upstanding christian citizen should be. Before I go on, let me state that I am not bitching about religion. The other night, we were all sitting around the table talking. I made mention that it would be nice to move further down south. My uncle started talking about Texas, making mention that the people are a little strange to non-Texans at first, but after a while they grow on you and are really friendly people. Immediately my father came back with, "Texas has some nice areas, but all the Mexicans keep jumping the border and stealing all of our jobs". Then he went on about how they all steal everything and are lazy and about 50 other stereotypes. I explained that I would appreciate it if my children didn't have to learn racism from their own family. Big argument, I guess i was wrong because my father isn't racist. Another scenario. My nephew comes to visit on a regular basis. He is your typical, everyone hates me the world sucks type teenager. Absolutely into the whole shock value thing. He likes to try and say the most morbid, horrific things he can think of, and it is oh so funny to hear a three year say some of these things. Personally I found it quite hysterical when my three year old told me he was going to cut my head off because he couldn't play his computer game. I know, Internet, so if you couldn't tell, that was complete sarcasm. My two already born children are usually both very well behaved, kind, loving and sharing children. I realize that I am in a situation that I need to get out of, and believe me, I am trying my hardest. Meanwhile, I wish I didn't have to deal with all of the extra crap. I am trying my best to get along with everyone, and just drop subtle hints to everyone to watch what they say and do in front of my children, but I am going to snap soon.
I feel for you. I have a lot of racism/hatred within my side of the family. Not my parents, but THEIR parents and along down the line. My grandfather is a Reverand, and it's absolutely horrible to hear some of the mean, hateful things he'll spout off about. I don't even want to give examples because it's embarassing, but in a nutshell, to him, only the Arian race is worth anything. My uncle lives down South with his wife and two children. They say the "n" word like it's nothing, are proud that in their long family history they were slave owners. They even joke around telling people their last name was from owning so many black people, which they think is hilarious. It's disgusting. The one time I came to visit, they were sitting there bashing people of different races so badly I had to get up and leave the room, I just couldn't take it, it was horrible to hear people who claimed to be such loving, devoted Christians say such hypocritical, hateful filth. My dad's side of the family, nice people, very prim and proper, preppy you could say, but they are extremely judgemental of people and any type of "alternative lifestyle", tend to be quite racist minded. Not quite as blatant as my mother's side, more of the hush-hush whisper type, but my kids have definitely picked up on some of the looks and comments made. But then there's my parents, the peace loving hippies. What happened? It's really hard sometimes when you're trying to instill certain values in your children, when you want them to be loving towards everyone and yet you're faced with so many people who don't feel the same as you do. Just keep on doing what you're doing. Keep teaching your children not to hate, goodness knows there's more than enough of it in this world.
Members of my family try all that they can to get my daughter to use the 'n' word. But, I have talked with her on the issue of racism and hate (mind you she will be 3 in September) and it shined through on a particular day. My cousin was mad about his girlfriend leaving him and was complaining because she is now dating a black person. He was throwing the 'n' word out like it was nobodies business. Alexis looked at me, looked at him and then teared up....she proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs 'that is a BAD word and you shouldn't hate people.' He told her that all 'n' word were the same and she'll grow up some day and understand....she then said 'mommy says it's BAD and if she says it's bad, then it is.' It made me proud in my heart. All you can do is instill values in your children, and after a bout of dirty words and bashing and hating, take them aside and ask their feelings on what happened. Let them know that it IS wrong to say those kinds of things....just full on communication. And, be strong, papa, you'll be out of this situation soon enough, keep on keepin' on and keep being a good father to your children.
