people who try to hurt you and turn everything into a "you" problem when you critique

How do you feel about people who.. how to explain this.. okay, when you critique them or try to give them some advice.. they get REALLY mad, like angry, and mean, and try to hurt you, like.. pretty much ignore everything you just critiqued about them, or.. say you give them advice.. but their response is gonna be something like.. "oh, yea, well, look at YOU, YOU have this problem, blah blah blah blah...."

And then.. then what if they add something in the end like..: "leave the poor being that I am alone" - cause, oh yea, they're to fucking pity. Like, they're spoiled. But oh my.. poor them.

I'm sorry, this kind of attitude disgusts me, I find it immature, spoiled.. totally typical of a passive-aggresive personality..

And well what should my response be like? Like attitude-wise. Ignore? Cause sometimes I really wanna tell people just how they are but is there even a point.

 

i just ignore those people. trying to talk to them is too frustrating.

 

yeah penny ignore them ....
if they cant take on your advice or critique fuck them... dont give them your time again

 

but I mean sometimes I wonder - do I have a problem? maybe I should expect this - like am I normal to think this is an abnormal reaction or what?

 

I try to never give advice. If someone asks and I have had the same or simular experience I'll share how I dealt with it, but I leave it up to them how they want to handle their situation.

 

:grouphug:

I'll come back to this thread tomorrow when I'm less delusional and sick.

 

it's a stupid reaction, but it's certainly not abnormal.

just look around the forums; half the time when someone is critiqued they end up flaming the critic for the next 4 pages...

it's probably slightly less common in real life, but it still happens.

 

My sister does this fairly often. It is because she is sensitive, and well, still young. Its infuriating sometimes. The best possible reaction is to ignore it, absolutely, because it is like talking to a brick wall any other way (a brick wall who has to get the last word in). And last time I tried to talk my way through it, I got a large iced cappuccino dumped on top of me. in the BMW. It was sticky.

 

These people really get to me, I try not to associate myself with them.

 

I imagine people like that are insecure and are just lashing out at you..

Take it with a grain of salt.

Then avoid those people.

 

I'll usually don't give out advice to those people if I can help it. "If you wanted constructive criticism don't turn it around on me, you asked for it besides I happen to like my sammiches with the crust on it."

 

A brick wall! That's exactly it! And they do want the last word.. and while I should apologize.. for what though? I can never expect an apology from them.. for throwing unrelated, undeserved insults at me..

 

omg, I know exactly what you mean. My brother does this EVERY SINGLE fucking time. I could be like, "hey man, you know it'd be faster if you take the highway instead." and he'd go "yea well shut up. When you're driving YOU can take the highway but you're not right now so don't tell me how to drive!"

I'm stunned every time at the things he says when he's defensive because I've never met anyone else like that and I have no idea where it comes from.

 

P.S - I've told my brother he does this all the time. So has our mother. When I told him he told me, "No I don't! You do that!" So to answer your question, no. There is no point in telling them or pointing it out.

 

I envy you guys who have the ability to detach yourself so easily.

 

BINGO!

Unasked-for advice is uncool.

 

try to stop critiquing people and learn other ways to offer support than giving advice. giving advice can be done in many ways and some are not helpful/not healthy/not positive.

 

Yes. The only way to help people, in the final analysis, is to be empathic and share your example and conduct.

Advice and criticism is just a way people feel superior, and project their own problems onto others.

 

Maybe they don't want your advice?

...and then they tell you why you're in no position to give advice because your life is fucked up?

 

There comes a time in our lives when we may need to evaluate our relationships, making sure that they are having a positive effect on us, rather than dragging us down.

Without even realizing it, we may be spending precious time and energy engaging in friendships that let us down, rather than cultivating ones that support and nourish us along our path.

Life, with its many twists, turns, and challenges, is difficult enough without us entertaining people in our inner circle who drain our energy. We can do so much more in this world when we are surrounded by people who understand what we’re trying to do and who positively support our efforts to walk our path.

We can begin this evaluation process by simply noticing how we feel in the context of each one of our close relationships. We may begin to see that an old friend is still carrying negative attitudes or ideas that we ourselves need to let go of in order to move forward. Or we may find that we have a long-term relationship with someone who has a habit of letting us down, or not showing up for us when we need support.

There are many ways to go about changing the status quo in situations like this, having a heart to heart with our friend showing through example. This process isn’t so much about abandoning old friends as it is about shifting our relationships so that they support us on our journey rather than holding us back.

An important part of this process is looking at ourselves and noticing what kind of friend we are to the people in our lives. We might find that as we adjust our own approach to a relationship, challenging ourselves to be more supportive and positive, our friends make adjustments as well and the whole world benefits.

Then again, there are some people who are simply so caught up in drama that they know no other way to be. It is with people like this that we must question whether or not it is worth the personal cost of maintaining the relationship. If it's not worth the effort, then the answer becomes clear.

Hope this helps some . . .