i want to talk to my brother about alcoholism

ok so ive seen my brother black out and i know hes been revived by EMTs before. this was about 3 years ago. i thought he was in bad shape then but i wasnt convinced he was an alcoholic. i thought he was getting better since he left college 2 1/2 years ago. but ive since heard from his best friend that he drinks alone. im wondering what ur thoughts are. i think he may be at the point where he is definately an alcoholic. please post whether u agree that he is addicted or not. also post how i can talk to him without him just trying to deny it or getting angry at me. please i just want to help him if i can.

 

Definitely addicted. Get some information from Al-Anon and/or go to some meetings. It's also for people who are affected by others peoples drinking. There are ways you can help him and help yourself cope but there's also lots of ways you can waste your time trying to help an alcoholic so learn which is which.

 

alanon seems more interested in other people not the person drinking. helping me wont do anything for him. unless i missed some part of the website.

 

The more you educate yourself about the problem and how to deal with it the better you will be equipped to help him. If you just go in there blind acting on feelings and hunches you could make some big mistakes or just waste a lot of effort, that's all. Trust me. Been there.

 

what did u do?

 

moondaddy is shooting straight from the hip with!
i grew up in a family full of drunks. the first thing you need, to do is detach from your brother and, his self destructive behaviour.
shadow from your posts that i have read in this thread your, sounding like you have a very, very bad case of co-dependency going down between you and your brother.
only by helping yourself first, can you also help your brother. YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR BROTHERS' WELFARE FIRST!
right now you are uneducated about how to deal with drunks.
al anon will educate you on how to go about this also, al anon will be able to give you group support along this road and, BROTHER BELIVE ME, YOU ARE GOING TO NEED ALL THE GROUP SUPPORT YOU CAN GET TOO!
also, you might want, go to some meetings of aa and, talk with people who are in recovery from their addiction. drunks in recovery, are a great sorce of information about what works and, does not work with drunks in denial.

if al anon is not your thing then, check out acoa (adult childern of alcoholics.) aa and al anon were too inflexibity structured for me and, did not work.
acoa has help me work wonders!

you might, check out working with a psychologist who has training in working with addictions. the best psychologists are the ones trained in working with addictions and, are also drunks in recovery.

remember this and make it your golden mean... only by putting youself and putting your own welfare first can, you the help your brother.
IT JUST DON'T WORK IF YOU PUT THE WELFARE OF THE DRUNK FIRST!
everone who has been down this same road your on now will tell this.
i have told you this and, i'm sure moondaddy will tell you it too as, will everybody else.
i am wishing that both you and your brother can. find some peace from this curse of addiction.
the best of luck to both of you!

 

Make some of your time and energy available to him. Offer him your companionship and empathy.

But respect the fact that the decision to change his habit is ultimately his own choice. You cannot force-feed sobriety on him. You should not view him as a problem to be solved, but as an independent, complete human being.

I would not advise you to hinge your happiness on him, nor devote more time and energy to him than to your own pursuits. Share your example with him, and be an independent, happy person yourself.

I wish you luck and keep us posted.

 

ok. ill look into it further. u guys certainly seem like u know what ur talking about.

 

I speak from the standpoint of someone who has been pressured to stop drinking, and labeled an alcoholic, and seen as a problem to be solved within the context of a co-dependent relationship (her happiness depended on changing me) in the past .

Not constructive.

 

but if the person doesnt ever realized that the people around are concerned about his health and his well being how is he supposed to ever consider it something that needs to be changed? if he himself cant view passing out and throwing up at home to be a problem doesnt somebody at some point have to step in and try to make him realize something is wrong?

 

Addicts tend to surround themselves with "enablers"... people who make it easy for the addiction to remain active by covering up, making excuses, etc. Who is around your brother most of the time and what role might they be unwittingly filling to help him continue abusing alcohol?

If your brother is indeed addicted then one drink... one sip is too many. He may not be willing to stop but you need to separate yourself from the problem enough that you don't get hurt badly by it. Chances are that deep down he already knows something is wrong and is in denial- there's nothing anyone can say that will "make" him realize a damned thing he isn't ready to face up to. You alone may not be a force enough to sway him but if you get a large enough group of concerned people (family members, friends) to confront him en masse it might be the wake-up call he needs.

Much of what has been said above is very good advice... just adding my two cents...

 

I don't think you can man. I was a daily blackout drunk for 3 years and anytime friends or family brought it up I'd just get really pissed off and tell them to drop it. My brother did the same. Neither on of us drink very much anymore, but I dunno, I'm pretty sure that problem is much bigger than you man. And that's speaking from a lot of personal experience.

 

my brother told me the other day that hes drank alone. he says hes only done it twice. does that change anyones mind that he may or may not be an alcoholic? he also says he doesnt really like doing it cuz its kinda boring.