I have to choose between family or my girlfriend.....because I'm gay.

So eventhough this thread is longer than the ones that I usually write, this one is very important and I hope that one of you ladies out there will read it, entirely, and then give me some feedback that I really need.

Long story short, yesterday me and my mom got in a fight over her buying my gas. It is something both of my parents agreed to do over the summer so I could save my money to have it for when I go back to school. This then escalated to me storming out of the house because I was running late to go see the Harry Potter movie. I told my dad that I really wanted to move out and that I know I can't because I don't have the money to do that. So I guess I'd just have to endure my mother for the rest of the summer before I go back to school.

So while in the car, my brother was telling me all the things my parents say about me when I'm not home. Apparently, my parents not only HATE (quoted) that I'm gay but now they hate me. My brother said that this is all my fault because I chose to be gay and that I should just be friends with my girlfriend. I could not be friends with her though. He said that my decision to be gay is actually hurting people and that I don't see that. It's almost like a damn intervention everyother week in my house.

The serious issue is that I have now come to find out that I will have to choose who I want to be in my life, and I am not exagerrating when I say this. I am going to have to choose between my family being in my life, or my girlfriend. I want both but obviously I can't have one while the other is there as well... Last night I honestly thought that ending my life would be the greatest way to help deal with this. Throughout my coming out I have sometimes thought of suicide, but last night I actually scared myself about how close I couldv'e done it. I really don't want to die....sometimes I just see that as the only way out.

But...if anyone could give me some advice on this thread I would greatly appreciate it. And like I said this is not fake...it's real.

 

I'm really sorry. Im getting kicked out, so your not alone.

Im not sure what else to say.

Except that you can message me anytime, well, until Im out I guess.

Im only 16, at least your a bit older, you'll be okay love :]

 

Ok.. I opened an account just to talk about your post. Well.. I was put in the same exact situation. After breaking up with my girlfriend of 4 years and moving out of our apartment, I moved back in with my parents. And we ave always been a really close family. Anyways, I met my current gf while living there and they were not too happy about it. They soon decided that they hated her. They sucked it up for a little while but then when I moved in with her decided to BLOW UP on her one day and tell her how much they hated her. Now she is honestly, honestly the best thing that has ever happened to me. No reason what so ever for anyone not to like her. She is quiet, polite, hard working, honest, and amazing girlfriend. But I think its just the gay thing. So she is forever banned from their home. Banned from birthdays, christmas, anything basically. I cried and cried because they just told me that it would never end until we broke up. Whichis not going to fucking happen. So I had to pretty much chose. And knowing that this is the person I want to grow old with.. I would never leave her at home to satisfy their immature decision. Parents are supposed to love you no matter what. Its supposed to be unconditional and in situations like the ones we have to be put in you can obviously tell they are very conditional. And.. also, your parents, no matter what they say now, will always be there for you. So if they decide to be pissed at you for being gay for a year or two and you show them that all they need to do itsdeal with it (not so much accept it) and everyone could just get along. So dont let them win because parents tend to think your still 13. They will get over it if they care about their relationship with you.

 

hey thanks for your posts ladies! crappypunkrox, i am in the same situation (duh obviously) youve read that I am. my parents have banned her from the property, any holidays, and they never want to meet her. Which i will respect their decision on that part but there's a catch. When my girlfriend and I have children, they are not allowed to see my parent's unless she comes with them too....so that does suck. And I do thinik it ridiculous that I'm going to have to travel to like probably 3 different thanksgivings, christmases, and so on. But I mean if they come around maybe it wont hace to be that way. but it seems like for now they are sticken to their guns and arent budging....How have you been able to deal with it? I know if i had the financial stability to move out of here i definitely would get an apartment and just never come back but i cant do that...so i have to put up with it till i go back to school.

 

I learned from experience that just because certain people are your parents --that fact does not automatically make them loving,understanding or even nice people.You have your lives to live and you must live them the way you need to --to be happy and fulfilled regardless of what others think, parents or otherwise.Try to look at it this way--we get from zero to 20-40-maybe even 80-90 years here in this form-but DEAD is a LONG time.Do you want to run your lives according to how others want you to live them?Live life on your own terms.I'd say good luck,but you need instead to make your OWN luck.-------and have fun while you can-----

 

Welp, it definately helped that I dont live with them. If you didnt and they met your girlfriend and your lifestyle im sure everything would be a wee bit different. But as long as you are living under thier roof they are going to treat you like a child. I have always been a huge famiy person. I love my family and we have always been super close. But I feel like this little stunt they pulled is a test. And I dont like it. We talk sometimes on the phone. Maybe once a week or so. But ill only go see them when the ol lady is at work or something. I dont want to satisfy them by leaving her at home just to go see them. They way I see it.. Its not my fault that our relationship is this way. Its theirs. And it hurts. I cried a lot at first. Ashley (my gf) is now a part of me so she should be a part of my family too. But you are just going to have to suck it up and tell them that they are making you bitter towards them not the other way around. You cant let them win because then they know that they can treat you like you are 12

 

yeah that makes sense...but see, for some reason either way you look at it, its kinda like beating a dead horse. my family says that the only reason they are being like this is because oviuosly they dont agree with it and they said that my CHOOSE to be gay was not their fault and thats why they are doing this. and i say that no, its not my fault, becuase i didnt choose to be gay. and so the battle of opinions rages on. yeah i live a long way from my family though when im at school and near my girlfriend, its about 5 hours away. i sometimes talk to my family, but very briefly, we normally just seperate when i get home and they dont bother me. they just ignore me. i dont want them to hate me because i love them. but it seems like there is no other way around it. i just wish there was somethign that both sides could do to come to like a mutual agreement of something....idk. i hope with time it will settle because its only been about 6 months since theyve known....but for some reason i dont think time will change anything.

 

Don't assume thats the truth.

One of the real reasons they are pissed off is becuase no matter how much they shout from the rooftops it wasnt their fault, every other parent is going to blame them, some will think you ended up that way cos your dad was a pussy, some will think its cos your dad was an abuser, which is probably incorrect and doesnt make sense, doesnt have to, its all about gossip and whispers.

And then there is another reason, no one ever says out loud, best you work that out yourself, you'll giggle when you do

Anyway, yeah, helps if you try and work out all the bizarre twisted stuff that they and SOME other straight people will never say to your face. gay is icky is usually just the cover story

 

Im a straight male, so I dont know if my opinion belongs here or not. But Ive always figured my love life is no one elses buisness.
Just tell your folks "you know you were right, likin chicks was just a phase, at least i didnt get preggers tryin it out"
Then shit with your folks will be chill, and you can keep datin your girl without havin to listen to shit from the folks.
Not really the best solution, but there never is an ideal answer. sometimes ya just gotta bite the bullet, hide yer feelins inside when it starts affecting life on the outside.
In a few years maybe your folks will come around, if not, then thats thier problem.

 

No you dont hide your feelings or your loved ones. Not cool. I mean then you'd be living in a lie and the person that you care most about is hidden forever from your family. When they are supposed to be your family. Who knows if they will come around. They will one day have to force themselves to. Oh and the ol lady said to tell your parents to fuck off. But shes just in a bad mood right now. But I know thats what she would do. She's fiesty.

 

Wow, I never thought I'd get this much feed back but it is really really helping guys!

To Vanilla Gorilla, yes, I agree that they do know it is not their fault, and yes they do tend to voice that very loudly. I was never abused or anything like that when I was younger so for my mother, the only reason she thinks I'm gay is because she says I'm not close with God and that I am possessed by demons. Which I tend to find the accusations absolutely HILLARIOUS! Because my mother NEVER crammed religion down my throat until this happenned. Hell my family hasn't been to church in years. So I don't buy that. I don't know what the other reason is....and I hope I find out because I need too....? Yeah, I talk to my boss at work and she said that the only reason my parents are doing this is because I'm going against the grain....and my mother's a control freak and now she can't control what I do.

To RastaPasta, I've tried that. My parent's are both retired Marines, so basically they are like freaking ninjas, and there is no way I could lie about my girlfriend and pretend to like guys...they'd catch on.

To CrappyPunkRox, I know I do not want to hide my feelings from my family or my girlfriend. Because I did that for the longest time and it hurt, it was hard, and I didn't like it at all. Brittany (my girlfriend) did not like being hidden or secretive...it was hard for her, so I would never do that to her again. Yes they are supposed to be my family and be there for me no matter what, my dad is usually there but my mother tries to break him away at times. I hope that one day they will end up coming around...I guess we will just see. And tell your girlfriend that I appreciate the fuck off, if I could tell it to my parents and not get knocked out....I WOULD! Yeah you're girlfriend sounds alot like mine....she's kinda aggressive towards my parents. ( Why wouldn't she be?) But thank you for posting...I looked forward to them everyday and they make me lift my head up and try not to be upset.

 

Oh dear, LOL

Yeah, good luck with that then

 

oh yeah....its gonna be fun. i just cant wait for the day when a priest comes to my house and my mom throws a bible at me.

 

Lol.. oh yeah. My rents did that "Im going to hell" thing too. Well.. I hope you can get the hell out of there soon. My dad is the same way when it comes to sticking with me no matter what but I know how much he loves my mom and all she has to do it tell him that she is upset about something and Im the bad guy. Im glad to talk to you about this because Ive recently been dealing with the same thing.

 

yeah i dont really understand the whole going to hell thing, because i still consider myself a christian and i believe that you can be gay and go to church. the ultimate sin is not believing in god. but there are the versus in the bible that do say things about homosexuality. but honestly i dont really care because my dad always says that he doesnt take the bible literally, he says that they are stories created to try to explain something very complex to simple people....although he takes the versus on homosexuality literally....? kinda ass backwards huh?

yeah the same with my parents..my dads chill and really cool. the minute my mom brings up something. its world war 3 at my house and they are all battling agianst me. i am hoping that after this summer i can somehow figure out a way to come see them but not actually live here. and I need to become more financially independent of them. which basically means i have to pay my car insurance, get loans for school , and my own apartment. this doesnt sound like much but for a college student thats like freaking parting the red sea....but we shall see the outcome one day.