I am more confused now than I've ever been in my life. I just got out of an almost 3 year relationship with a man because I just...didn't feel anything anymore. I've been so beat up lately because I don't know if I still have a sexual attraction to men. I've liked girls for as long as I can remember and I've been in relationships with girls. I always considered myself bisexual. -nods- But lately, I've had what my friends call "gay days" when I wear boy clothes and am a titch more masculine than usual. I know it's so stupid to come into these forums and expect help, so I'm not expecting anything. I just need to vent. I think I might be a lesbian, but I don't know for sure and that's been bothering me. Especially since my family isn't exactly "Yay gay!", in fact, they can't stand homosexuals. It's really quite stressful being so confused and having no one to talk to or trust because I live in a small town and no one can ever have any privacy. I just don't know what to do because I want to tell my family that I'm dealing with this, but at the same time, I'm so horrified that they will disown me. v.v Like I said, I'm not looking for help. I know that no one can actually help with this. But any advice is greatly appreciated...
Be true to yourself, follow your heart...all that bullshit that everybody always says is true. We all want to have good relationships with our family. But the truth is that family is just the group of people you happen to have been born into. There's no guarantee that your family is a good group of people, or a group of people who it's even healthy to be around. If your family are the types of people who would love you one day and then disown you the next based on who you want to be with, they are probably not good people. It would be tough to lose them, but it would be their choice. And it would be better for you to know that they're like that sooner rather than later. And don't worry about what label and don't try to fit a stereotype. Just be yourself and go after what you feel is right for you. Those who genuinely care about you will support you.
Yeah...thanks. That's what my friends say too. The thing is...I already know all of this, but I'm so muggin nervous and I wish they would just figure it out. I know I don't have to tell them, but I want to. I want them to know and I want them to realize that it hurts me when they make jokes or rude comments. I guess I'm just too timid to do anything about it.
Well, they know you. Even if they don't admit it to themselves consciously, they are quite aware of all of this going on with you. They're making these jokes and comments in an effort to sway you...probably because they're more interested in their own beliefs, perceptions and/or reputation than in helping you deal with what you're going through. I mean, these people live with you and care about you. They should at least be observant enough and caring enough to ask you what's going on. Do they? Do they ask you in an oblique way, and you don't go into it? Before I continue skewering them, I should point out that they might interpret your own reaction to what's going on in your mind and life and heart as you feeling shame about yourself. And they might be making these jokes and comments to let you know that if you're not comfortable and confident being a lesbian, that you don't have to be. I really don't know. But if I were you, I'd go to the person in your family who is closest to you and get around to saying something like, "I'm really starting to think that I might be a lesbian. I know it might just be a reaction to my bad relationship with X, but it might be that it took going through that for me to understand what I've been feeling all along. I'm just not attracted to men right now, and I'm not sure how to feel about it all." Something like that. If that person brushes you off, then don't worry about telling your family until you've cleared this up in your own mind and can tell them plainly and confidently, "I am a lesbian," or "I am still bi," and that if they value and respect your feelings, they'll be more careful with these jokes and comments, because their opinion of you and their relationships with you mean a great deal to you, and you don't want them to hurt you.
