Bad Surprise

I went out to get the mail and saw a letter for me and I opened it up and saw my engagement ring I got last year from my ex boyfriend. Im so shocked but very confused right now. Im just staring at it, all these questions are going through my head right now. WHY would he do this? Especially at a time where Im just about fed up with dating again and im a bit lonely and now I have this here. A symbol where i had a good relationship. he was a great guy but too clingy and i didnt see myself with him anymore but he sends me back the ring a year later??

 

People always have hang-ups, might think they're yours too. Might really not have anything to do with the real you and just something he had to do to get on with his life.

 

could be so many reasons. its a very pretty ring. his mothers ring

 

Partially agree with the above response. Not sure how the break up went. But Logica would suggest that since it was a ring given to you, It was something that he will associate you with.

And depending on how some people are, He sent it to who he orignal gave it to. I am sorta like that, Once I give someone something, It's thiers.

 

i broke it off cause he wanted me to do all this shit and move up to NY with him and I had no job or money at the time and I was engaged on top of it so I couldnt handle it and i lost my feelings for him

but damn I did NOT need this

 

I think there might be something to what Istar says here.

@ Stacy

However, I have a question. Did a note accompany the ring within the letter or was it just the ring?

However, I can't tell from your posts if you are merely looking to vent or are really looking for some possible answers from us. If the latter, the contained note (if any) might be of help. If the former, I will not try to pry it out of you, unless ofcourse that is what you want.

Of course, no note at all might mean something too.

 

it was just the ring. I dont know if he was insulting me someway like "look what you fucked up" or "for memories" but why would you send the ring? it was his mothers ring!

im looking at what to do raven

 

Uggh! This is a tough one without actually knowing the people involved.

The best I can do is give some (uneducated?) guesses.
Of course, I don't know if that makes this situation different from any other...

Personally, I can see giving "Mom's" ring to another girl later on even though I wouldn't give to a second girl a ring that I personally bought for a first. I would sell and buy another ring before I would do that if I did not just let her keep it to begin with.

Since it is his Mother's ring and he seemed to place a value on using his Mom's ring to offer as an engagement ring to the girl he wanted to marry it appears to me that he places personal value on the ring. (run-on sentence?) So, I don't think he would send something of personal value to tell you that you "fucked up". But I cannot say that I have been through some painful breakups so this is just a guess on my part but it doesn't feel that way to me.

I would guess two possibilities...

1. It is still very personal to him on both the basis of being his Mom's and on the basis of representing the relationship once shared by the two of you. Perhaps that pain is something that he wants to try and rid himself of with no ill will toward you. In effect: just give you the ring to help take you off his mind when he looks at it. Of course, even if that is the reson, it probably wouldn't work as he hoped.

2. He wants to get back with you in some way or other but has absolutely no idea of what words to put in a letter or to speak over the phone and he is afraid to try. So, sending the ring is just a shot in the dark.

Personally, I will say 50/50 but that is not because I think either possibility is as likely. I just have no way to make the judgment. I think his personality will make one or the other the more likely but I have no basis to go by so I think you will have to make that decision.

But, I will reiterate that I do not think he is telling you that you "fucked up". I could see a wealthy person sending money to show that because it would be a sign of the wealth that could replace itself. But, his Mother's ring is a one of a kind thing (even if there are other rings like it...they are not his Mom's...) and it does not seem likely to me that he would send it to tell you that you "fucked up".

What to do?

Think about number two above.

Is it his personality to do something like that or not know what to say and make a gesture instead?

If so, then you will have to think about what you want and make a decision from that. But remember do not do this because, as you mentioned earlier, you are lonely. That seems a big giant stride toward heartache, IMO.

If it is not his personality, I would say it is number one above and then you could either keep it (if you don't think it will make you miserable) or send it back to him. Either way for number one it may be best to speak with him unless you just want to send it back for a clean break with a note saying that you will not accept it.

In fact, unless you choose for a completely clean break it seems that communicating with him may be something you have to do. So, maybe that was his intent all along. Sorry, but I feel like I am running in circles with this so I can imagine how you must feel.

So, I hope this helps for whatever it is worth. But, something nagging in the back of my head says thinking of these possibilities might make things worse. I hope that is not the case.

/small wall of text.

 

its like of him to do that. Although I do not know how to get in touch with him. we hhavent talked in over a year and frankly i dont want to talk to him. He kinda broke my heart because when I wanted to break, I came to him and said well instead of just ending it, lets work on it first and he completely back fired and said no im letting you go. So I just said forget it with him

Its a beautiful ring but I want nothing to do with it or nothing to do with him. Im getting to know a wonderful guy who was married for 2 years and been single for just as long as me and I dont want to go near my past

I would send it back but he didnt put a return address on it so Im stuck with it.

Just makes me so mad

 

No return address. That makes things a little different, I think.

He made it damn near impossible for you to return it. So, to make things easier, have the new guy pawn it for you.

Unless I am mistaken, I think you said in another thread that the new guy is a friend of a friend. Have the two of them go pawn it and bring you back the money and the receipt. It will make a good excuse for you two to meet and your mutual friend can keep him from bailing out by driving to your place right after selling it. Then, you could go out on the money. Of course, if I am mixing up stories/threads you can ignore this idea.

It may seem mean but he didn't leave you any options that are without pain.

Maybe you could donate the money to a local charity so that it serves a noble purpose other than you just getting rid of it and enjoying the spoils. That may be the best thing. If you can, try to think of a charity that might make his Mom (something about this says to me she is deceased...) happy with what becomes of it.

 

Yeah, If no return address or info of contact. Means he does not want it back nor to be conctacted. I think it held Personal Value and He neither wanted to dispose of it, or just sell it off. Obviously He didn't want it around anymore.

I'm with raven, Best thing probably to do is give it off to charity, if you do not want it.

 

Agreed, it seems a little mean. Its got to be whats best for you though.

 

Well I thought about pawning it. But Id feel like a bitch cause its his mom's ring and shes alive too. I might just set it aside and keep it in a good memory box. I'd feel better doing that

 

another mountain out of a mole hill eh stacy?

 

they never stop

 

when you keep putting this much energy into them, they will never stop...

pawn the ring pay some bills, get on with your life..just like he did.

 

lol I was on with my life way before he went on. HE decided to bring it back up obviously. I cant pawn it cause I'll feel bad. again it was his mothers ring. I'll just keep it in a memory box and put it up somewhere

 

theres absolutely nothing indicating that he brought it up again other than he doesnt want the ring....

why save it if you have no intentions of being with him?

who fuckin cares that it was his mothers? not him, not his mother...

if anything mail it back and stop being a drama queen about it.

 

you do not know that

Its not about intentions. Its about memories. My first ring that someone gave to me. of course ill keep it, i just dont want to see it laying around

and its his mothers which makes me want to keep it more safe.

whats the big deal here? you're the one creating drama just because i wont agree with you

 

Well sounds like you have your head in the right place, like someone said earlier pawn it get a little spending money. Hope it works out with this new guy, nothing gets rid of the old like the new