Ah yes.. where should I start? Maybe as far as I can remember.. Anyways, there's this girl.. I can't say her name, but she means everything to me. She lives over a thousand miles away from me, but I've never met anyone like her before. Her and I met on a social networking site, about eight months ago(give or take). I actually signed up on that site looking for love, I mean, how could I find love if I stuck to me crappy little town, where people are shooting each other over something as stupid as "street cred". This girl made a post on a forum, I clicked her profile because I got what she was saying, and I added her. Soon, we were talking as if we knew each other. I would reply to her message, then go to my inbox and just click refresh until she replied. I would sit up until 5AM just sending messages. Eventually we started using IM clients, and I would talk to her until 5AM. Once, I actually pulled an all nighter- I brought my laptop to bed with me at 10PM, and we talked until about 6 or 7AM. She was amazing, and the best thing was, she actually cared about me. She told me when I moved to her hometown (Yes, I would move there in a heartbeat) we could date. She just needed someone physically there to hold her and stuff.. which I understood, and I told her I'd rather spend 8 hours with her on IM than spend eternity with anyone else- so I'd surely wait about 3 years to be with her. We agreed, as I said.. I'd like to mention, she still hasn't had a true boyfriend or girlfriend- which further proves my thought that we're meant to me. Anyways, time passed by, she drifted away from me, or at least a bit. She started meeting more people, and talking to them online and stuff.. they kinda made her change a bit, but at the same time, they didn't change her. She stopped staying online so long, but I think that was at her mom's request, seeing she'd stay up until 1 on a school night.. eventually, she said a few things that kinda hurt me, but she apologized, but we didn't talk as much any more.. it's been 2 months since I've talked to her. I'm lonely without her, I can talk to anyone, it just doesn't feel the same. I thought I had gotten over her, but I was lying to myself- I can't get over her. I have a bond with her, she said she had a bond with me.. she's had a couple of people she's hung around hurt her recently, and honestly, I'm the one person who'll never do that to her.. if I ever do, I hope I die, because hurting her precious heart would feel like suicide to me. Next time I see her on IM, I'm going to talk to her, and try to get to talking to her again. In a few years, I'll be moving closer to her.. it's not my hometown, it can't be, because home is where the heart is- and my heart is a thousand miles away. I have to quit lying to myself though, that's the important thing.. I've had a couple flames, but I haven't had a true girlfriend, and honestly, I can't feel nothing with them. It's barely even a lustful feeling- I can't think of anyone without thinking of the girl I really want to be with. There's no point in looking if I've already found her. I actually cried this morning, and prayed that this girl's heart would be softened so she'll understand how I feel, and how I hate lying to myself. I just wish I wouldn't have in the first place.. I also hope she hasn't given up on me. Why am I this stupid? I talked all this about finding love, how hard it is to find, when in reality, I already had it. I just need to get out of this town so I can claim my love.. I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to have her, just as long as I can have her. If I can't have her, I'll have no one, because I can't love anyone other than this girl. She just understands me.. but yes.. I'm basically just ranting.. I need to get all of this off my chest. I love that girl, I don't care what society thinks, what our parents think, what our friends think, and I'll wait as long as it takes so I can date her. Thanks for listening.
