An open letter to the Canadian People...

From my email--original author unknown.

 

i accept.

 

Dear Canada,

We would like to formally request that you annex the northeast, upper midwest and western coastal states of the United States.

It has become clear that the divide between us and the rest of America has
become insurmountable and that it would be cruel and unusual punishment to force us to endure four more years of an inept and self righteous regime.

We believe that President Bush and the Republicans will be willing to go through with this annexation if you simply point out these simple facts for them:

**With the loss of the Northeast he can tell the South that he has won the
Civil war, which will give him the only military victory he could ever actually achieve.

**With the loss of Hollywood and New York, he will have an easier time turning back the clock to the 1930's.

**People will be able to buy pistols, machine guns, missile launchers,
grenades, and tanks without a 3 day waiting period.

**Smoking can again become legal for all children over 6.

**Drinking and driving, as long as it's only beer and a pickup will not be
a crime.

**This will lessen the draft dodgers and conscientious objectors running
to Canada when he does institute the draft next year.

**He will be rid of the biggest voices for civil rights and civil liberties making it easier to institute a police state.

**He will finally be a popular president. Who knows? Without these states
he is likely to become King.

**He can proceed with bankrupting the country so that we can all go back
to being subsistence farmers.

**He would no longer be plagued by images of Americans crossing the border for drugs since we would now be part of Canada.

**The reeducation camps for these areas will no longer be required.

**And finally, explain to him that you believe these areas that contain
hot beds of terrorism such as abortion rights activists, evolutionary
scientists, environmental lawyers, liberal arts schools, and investigative
journalists who he will not otherwise easily be able to attack or jail.

We believe that if you can passionately explain to Mr. Bush that this is what God would want in order for the "True America" to survive, he will gladly go through with the annexation. (Note: You will need your foreign
minister to present this idea while wearing a Texas hat and spurs so he
knows that you are truly speaking for God).

Now we understand that annexing these areas of the United States may
cause you some concern, but we have some concessions to offer you.

**We will reinstate the Montreal Expos.

**We all agree to learn the finer points of Hockey and are willing to
supplement our taxes to their salaries so that we can get on with the season.

**We will put curling courts in to our community.

**We will learn French and the Metric system

**We will stop making jokes about Canada, since clearly after this election we have nothing to joke about.

We hope that you will consider this offer carefully, for without this
annexation we simply do not know how we can survive four more years.

Regards,
Northeast, Upper Mid-West and West Coast America, AKA the "Blue States"


Well,
That is very tempting. You know that back around 1774, Upper and Lower Canada were invited to join the soon to be USA?
But, alas, the majority of Canadians at the time were Catholic, and I have read that the church urged their faithful to reject this offer from the much more Protestant southern neighbours. This is a historical note that I have absolutely no proof of, by the way.

Okay, in the spirit of fair negotiating, I offer this counter.

You can scrap the curling courts (ooh I am going to hear it for that one)
Instead, Lacrosse should become a major sport.
You needn't learn French. In BC, where I live, there are at least five languages more commonly spoken than French.
Please let us go back to imperial measures, we still use 2 by 4's in 8 foot lengths anyways. Metric is soulless.
I would request this, though, that we could now buy beer at the corner store.
That we could have access to Canadian beer across the new areas.
And everyone has to learn to put 'our' in words like colour, flavour, labour, etc.
and say aboot like the folks in the maritimes, cuz it sounds cute.

what do you think? fair....

 

Now, where do I queue for my duc, eh?

P.S. We should probably double the watch along the border.

 

Dan's Letter to Canada:

Why Don't You invade our country and oust our "Democratically Elected" President...We did it to Aristide...Why can't you do it to us????

Peace and Love,
Dan

 

You mean like in 1812, when we came down and set the White House on fire?

 

I think its weird when the American refered to Prairies as 'The Upper MidWest'?

Refering to Southern BC as 'The Pacific Northwest' is also odd, but is a 'leftover' from the old days when there was no set 'border' in that Cascadia Region.

Nowadays it would be more 'The SouthWest' of Canada. (not that anyone calls it that)

I do indeed know an American Immigrant from California who does in fact love it here.
(She is 'A Black' - for Blackguards benefit)
But one thing Americans and Canadians should know (and ive lived in both places)
There may not be many differences on the surface.
Same stores, same houses, same language in general .. but..
BUT..
There really truly are different 'Values' and 'Principles' and truly differing underlying 'Mindsets' between the two nations.

I personally have noticed that Canadians are not that much different than Brits, but Americans are very very different 'Deep inside' than either.

So, it may seem like an 'easy switchover' on the surface - but fair warning, many Americans may eventually find that people are 'different' than they are.

Not to over-dramatise, I just have the impression some Americans just think Canada is America-lite and everything will just 'translate' and transfer with ease.

 

whatever, goof

 

when you say we, you mean the british, right?

 

Canada was British North America at the time.
There were aboriginals involved in the war of 1812 but obviously most people were from somewhere (or their families were)

 

true, but the british people living in the uk were fighting the french at the time and couldnt spare the troops to defend canada...so eveyrone that went south to burn the whitehouse was from canada though we may have been under british rule at the time

 

Keep in mind that Upper Canada was simply the British that did not turn our backs on the Empire we were born from.

Lots of Brits did turn traitor and keep the colonies to themselves.
The 'Founding Fathers' were mostly British (but i guess once they signed the USA into existance they became 'Americans')

Nowadays, Canada would do well to simply declare itself a Republic.
Unfortunately too many Canadians assume that means becoming more 'American-like' which is certainly not necessary.

We Digress.

I would hope any American (as in USA-brand Americans) would feel free to apply to immigrate.
Im told about 60,000 a year do.

You should really visit and stay in Canada for a while.. and please do not think Toronto is 'Canada' because there are many regions.
Some good.. some not so good hehe.

 

dont forget that the british had the help of the indians, especially tecumseh. Ontop of that, you DID have the british fleet blockading us in.

Lets not forget that the Americans captured toronto and burned down the house of assembly and the governors mansion before the whitehouse.

The man who led the raid on the white house, Robert Ross, was from ireland and was sent over to fight in the war.

I know canadians take much pride in saying they burned our capitol down..but they need to actually look at the facts.

 

You need to consider the facts in the context of the day.

Everyone was 'immigrants' including many of your founding fathers.
'Americans' in that day were Irish, Germans Dutch etc etc.

So too for Canada, which was an extension of Britain.

So its not like it was 'British' as if they were somehow 'Not Canadians'
Dig?

 

Unfortunately, I think it's far more possible for Canada to be swallowed up by the US then the other way 'round, so keep that maple leaf flying. If Bush goes too far, y'all might see my Texas ass waiting at your border applying for political assylum.

 

He was sent over to FIGHT THE WAR. Do you not understand that? Its not like he was a canadian settler.

America's founding fathers ceased being british/whatever when they declared their independence.

 

Megara, I dont think you 'get' how this works.

Canada's Army WAS the British Army which WAS the Canadian Army.
There is no 'As Opposed to' in this.
The 'Native' Canadians were British Subjects for that matter.

Now according to your mindset - NONE of your founding fathers were Americans. not ONE.
Almost ALL of them were British and came from Britains colonies.
One of them was BORN IN IRELAND (as you like to emphasis)

So Americans did not actually create the USA... it was British?

Come on.

One thing on this .... its called the 'War of 1812' but British North America's 4,000 Troops and British North Americans (now called Canada) General at the time Robert Ross did not burn the White House (which was not called that yet) until 1814.

Truth be told.. that was not really a 'major turning point' and is not even very well documented anyway.

 

really, i think the same about you.

Really, so robert ross, who was a british military officer that fought in the napoleonic wars and 1812, was really in the canadian army? Sorry, he was sent over FROM ENGLAND to wage war on the Americans. It was Robert Ross and HIS ARMY that burned down our capitol, SENT FROM BRITAIN. Do you not understand this?

You must have misunderstood when i said "The Founding Fathers ceased to be british/whatever when they declared their independence." Let me reiterate in a more simplistic fashion. The Founding Fathers ceased to be british/whatever when they declared their independence.

Only in your mind.

yes, come on, no more faulty logic, please.

and the point of this was?

 

Once you realise that the CANADIAN ARMY WAS THE BRITISH ARMY WHICH WAS THE CANADIAN ARMY then you realise how ridiculous your sounding.

Dont bother asking me "DO YOU GET IT" when you are clearly WRONG in your facts.

There was NOT a Canadian Army as opposed to a British Army.

Do YOU get that?

Canadians WERE FROM BRITAIN (No, not all but that was our majority)

Speaking of faulty logic... you are absolutely deliberately trying to have it both ways.
You INSIST that Canadian must be defined as one born on the actual land mass YET you dont want to apply that logic to Founding Fathers.

Virtually ALL the Founding Fathers were BRITISH from the BRITISH COLONIES.

But in this case... you want the definition game to work for your argument.. They were not British because technically they AFTER they signed the paperwork they turned into Americans.

Once again... Canada WAS British North America.
A General from Britain leading British Canadian troupes IS a Canadian general.

As I mentioned.. the only real 'Canadians' or even 'Americans' for that matter would have been Natives.. and they were considered British subjects themselves.

 

Then we can agree, British burned down the white house, not canadians. Agreed? good

which facts are wrong?

You make it sound like canadian settlers burned down the whitehouse. It was a British officer who was sent from ENGLAND, as opposed to being a canadian settler..see the difference?

do you?

Then we agree, the british empire burned down the whitehouse, not canadians. Good? Good.

You obviously dont know what a declaration of independence is. British before, American after. Do you understand?

technically? ROFL. Americans declared their independence from Britain in 1776. "Canadians" were not independent during the 1812 war. There is NO double standard being applied.

So once again, the british empire burned down the whitehouse, not a canadian, are we clear?

Natives? Last i heard they migrated here too.

Sorry to burst your bubble(and your pride), but it wasnt canadians burning down the whitehouse..it was the strongest empire in the world at the time...big big difference.