can anyone offer some insight?

I feel extremely frustrated with my life and well the world. I feel like there is so much I could be doing and fighting for, I just dont know where to start. I desperatly want to make a difference....but im only forteen and according to my parents not old enough to tie my own shoes. I want to stand up for something I want to stand up for myself more importantly... but im not allowed to. Lately I've been reading about different issues in our society (past and present) but it ends up frustrating me even more than I already am... because i know there is nothing i can do about it! im a strong believer in animal rights... but my parents wont let me be vegan. i was strongly against a coal power plant going up in my area but my parents didnt let me go to the protest (it was peaceful)... my parents want me to learn from their mistakes not mine. whenever i want to go to a friends they say that my friends dad could be a rapist and that they dont want me to be in a situation which i understand but they imagine every activity i could possibly do to be the biggest mistake of my life. like everyone i meet will kill me/rape me/or assult me in any other manner. i guess im just venting but i just have no idea what to do... i've been really depressed lately and trying to figure out what reason i have to live.... its been really hard to find one. you dont have to answer but any help offered would be appreciated.


peace,
lauren

 

Wow. It sounds like your parents are dealing with a great deal of fear. It must be really hard for them.

It's weird that they won't let you be a vegan. Maybe it's a food budget thing, or maybe they're concerned about you becoming anorexic.

I appreciate that you want to take on the world. It's great that you want to get involved. And I do think that you should leave your parent's house when you turn 18, and never look back except to visit. That's when you can live your own life however you want and make no apologies and ask no permission and take all the consequences yourself.

Until then, I recommend working on yourself. Get yourself utterly, utterly right. Get some peace in your own heart before you try to bring peace to the world. Get your own thoughts on a constantly positive flow before you take on all the powers of destruction in the world. Get a good education. Take your experience with your parents as a lesson in patience and compassion. Remember, you're helping to raise them, too. Sometimes leadership isn't out front, giving orders and coming up with new ideas. Sometimes leadership is just setting a great example and listening and responding with genuine care. You can be a leader in your family.

Everything you say and do has a huge effect on them. Try to help them have some peace and let go of this fear, if you can.

 

Personally, I'm a great believer in freedom, and a parent of three grown children, two of whom are out and quite successfully on their own, and one who lives with us most of the time while he attends college.

Those times in your life when you don't have freedom are times that can add to you the human virtue of endurance. It's a quality that isn't there to begin with, and can only come from an adverse or a restricting circumstance.

What suffering you have to endure while with your parents will be over in a shorter time than you know, at your young age, and once it is, you can do whatever you wish with your life. In the mean time, it's simply foolish and short-sighted to give consideration to ending your life over the few issues you mentioned.

Remember, they are suffering too, even if it's due to their own stubbornness or sense of what's right for you. That's what parents do. In retrospect, I wish I'd not been such a hard-ass to the first two, but today, they seem to love me for it. The times I chased around the neighborhood trying to track them down are a sign to them that I cared enough to be concerned.

Parents also don't have unlimited freedom. They often have to hold jobs that grind them to powder, just for the sake of providing for their children. Believe me, most jobs are the antithesis of freedom.

At 14, 3 or 4 years is a long time, almost a third of your life. At my age, it goes like the wind. Hang in there.

 

thanks for your help... when i said i didnt see what there was to live for... i wasnt actually interested in taking my own life because im a firm believer that there will be good times down the road. i know there will be. again thank you so much for your all your help...none of my friends understand what im going through and i havent let my feelings out in a couple years.

 

Another thing: Along the line of what i was saying about how time means so much more to a young person,,because they've only had so much of it so far,,

also issues seem to be magnified in a young person's mind. It seems WAY more important to "make a stand" at that age than afterward, when you grow a bit. It seems the ONLY goddammed issue in the world, at the time, because in your youth, you have developed, so far, very few issues that you've passionate about. It's important to be passionate, and I believe a life without passion is a waste. But let that passion develop a bit. Time will come when you will realize also the value of fitting in amongst those with whom you live, instead of creating issues, or rather considering issues worth fighting over. There will be time for that. First, peace, then freedom.

 

Any time you want to vent or need advice, this seems like a pretty good place for that. There are probably more genuine people here than most places I've seen on the internets.

 

Whew! Really? I don't know about that. I mean, I'm all for the last sentence, but everything before it I'm not too sure about!

Specifically, fuck fitting in. I reserve my right to be a misfit. I know it's a natural tendency, and I will do it without thinking about it to an extent...but I'm never going to try to do it. I could be really way off on this, and it might be very foolish and destructive...But I just don't want it. And I do love my kids and would do anything for them -- including working a job that slowly kills me for decades...But I don't believe I have to work that kind of job, and I'm not going to as long as there's any other way.

I guess my concern, Arthur, is that you might be making too many concessions to society and responsibility. And that, of course, might just be an indication that I'm not making enough.

 

I'm also a misfit, in a lot of ways, and intentionally so at times. I've been that way for many years.

HOWEVER, what I was referring to is that when you're living with peeps, it behooves you to keep the peace, as much as possible.

Think of it this way:

If it weren't your parents you were living with, but roommates, would you give them the same amount of static that you give them? Sometimes the old adage "familiarity breeds contempt" holds true in family situations.

I'm not saying you need to make life-destroying compromises. There's another adage, choose your battles wisely, right?

The atmosphere of living at home is important. You also need your private space, and I hope they're giving it to you.

But no, I've sacrificed a lot over the years, just to stay true. But I tend to avoid confrontation unless I feel it's absolutely necessary. Sometimes it's better to walk away, and let the passage of time deal with the hearts involved. Eventually, given enough time and space, everyone may feel more inclined to reach an agreement.

One of the problems of youth is the neurotic need to have it all, NOW!

P.S., I wrote this thinking it was the OP I was writing to,,my bad.

But I still feel that there are times when you need to, yes, "suck it up" for the sake of keeping a job, until the change comes.

 

Oh, ok. Yeah, I'd agree with that.

 

cheer up Your parents love you. Lucky You! Not everyone gets.