poems... hahaha read 'em and tell me what you think please please please!

My word

One word I own,
Is what I give,
One chance to hold,
One time to live.

In the background,
I always heard,
The way that's gone,
My life still stirred.

And now, I ask,
Did I not see,
The wind roll by,
Now I am free?

One word I own,
And it is this:
One chance to take,
The chance I missed.


Across the Lake

Have you heard the breeze in the clouds when everything is dark?
Have you heard the way the ocean flows when no one is around?
Can you tell me, please, if you know, the sound it seems to make,
When everything you love to hear whistles across the lake.
Because if you have and you know how rare every sound is by itself,
Then come with me, and listen please, as i show you how to take,
The little things and make them big as they whistle across the lake.

 

The second piece evokes a lot of emotion, nice work!

 

the first one reminds me of the soap opera, "one life to live" nice flow to it as well.

 

=) Oh please give those words that you own as many chances of existence as you can manage thank you ^^

 

like the "across the lake" one.

 

thanks so much for all your feedback! i really appreciate all the positive opinions!

so i wrote some new ones the other day when i couldnt sleep...

The tickling grass licks at your palms.
You are where you shouldn't be,
and you shouldn't be where you are.
Yet it feels right, this peaceful danger.
Foolishly lured by the enemy .
It's not like you first perceived. You realize this.
Too late.
It's all gone.



The trick to it all is not giving up.
The cliché words floating to the surface are not what you think.
They aren't confining or restricting.
They are a test.
To see if you can outsmart yourself.
To see if you can one up the basicness of an ordinary mind.
To enjoy the unique thought of every single person when they are challenged by,
the clichés.



Sweaty palms. Pulse racing.
Nervous tapping. Quickly pacing.
When confronted by the task at hand,
you shrug away from what matters and,
you pack your bags, you lock the door,
you runaway from what you should be searching for.
And in the end what matters most,
is shoved aside like a forgotten ghost.


some of these aren't great because i wrote them at like 2 in the morning when I couldn't sleep.

 

The development of the first one was good, specially the last stanza, great finish. The second one was the imagery it provokes, and your line structures were well adjointed rythmically. Keep writing.

 

i reaally like this one,

 

i like across the lake.

you started the peice with a question and executed it quite nice.

i did something similar check it out and tell me what you think.

the thread is titled "you inspire me"

 

I like your writings and applaude your efforts.

 

thank you everyone for all your comments! they mean so much to me! i will try and read all of your poetry too!

 

The Test of Time

The endless race.
The unbeatable clock.
The pounding drum.
The impending chopping block.

You'll never win.
What will happen is clear.
You cannot stop it.
It's coming near.





ehhhh? whaddaya think?