Question for Les Fems or anyone with advice

How do you deal with men at work who ask personal questions about being a les? I try to stay away from all social activities after work hours to avoid hearing stupid degrading comments about women, and to avoid being witness to what I consider to be an unhealthy dynamic between hetero men and women. But since I am trying to move up in the company I worry that I come off as being too uptight and rigid. So yesterday I went out to a social gathering and the president of my company, who has never had a real conversation with me, asks me if I ever dated men before women. I twist the conversation around so that we talk about human nature in general, as opposed to me specifically. He did say he was just wanted to learn because he appreciated that I am so open about being gay. I guess he then thought we were "chummy" because later he puts his arm around me. Now, I know this sounds like a huge HR no-no, but the people I work with act this way around each other. They make jokes about giving each other lap dances, and hooking up with each others spouses, and all sorts of scandalous stuff. What's even more crazy is that I work for a conservative company with a good reputation world wide. At work people act one way, but during happy hour it's another story. I have decided now that I would rather be seen as uptight then hang out with people whose outside-of-work behavior disgusts me, even if it costs me snickers behind my back or a bad rep. Just want to know how other fem les deal with this. In the past I was very strict and wouldn't even say two words to a straight man who was inappropriate. As I grew older I became less strict because I realized I'd be fighting my whole life, every single day, if I took on every straight man who said or did something I did not like. I am relatively young, late twenties, and attractive, so I get a lot of attention from men. I don't look for it, believe me, but I have to deal with it. Are there any les fems who can relate? Or any other professional out there have advice on how to balance being a straight-edge gay person in world of perverted straight people? Thanks

 

hey, i cant saw that im in a "professional" setting at all but i do work three summer jobs and i know exactly what you mean by this ENTIRE post. the only thing that i did was kinda been upfront about things that i wouldn't answer and i told people that me as a specific case in the lesbian world is a very unique one, so like you said i try to answer them in like a broad kinda sense. the only thing i can say is that ya know, if you dont want people to talk about you being a les then say something like, "is there anything better that you guys can talk about...?" i know its totally like 1st grade but its always worked for me...

 

I think a lot is in the attitude. You have to be tough in a way that while pleasant and nice, it is NOT okay for your boss to hug you in such a way or do any of the similar things. So first if possible do not give him a chance to hug you and if he still does move his hand or more over with some comment like I really like like my personal space, or I am not a touchy person, or whatev.


I HATE when people are like that and it doesnt have anything to do with me being a lesbian. I wonder if some men are really that desperate or just plain stupid as fuck.

 

I can understand where your coming from I don't think it's right for your boss and or coworkers to act like that in a business function. Just try to keep your head up and try to politely tell him that he needs to stop his inapproprite behavior.

 

Hey im in early 20's and i got alota guys trying to convince me that im bi just so they could get ins or yes asking about how lesbians do it and stupid things like that. I started off kind of laughing it off but now get a bit affended. But i just choose to ignore them and tell them to google it.