Hi, I'm new to the forums. Okay, so here's the deal: Most of my life I have been physically attracted to women but emotionally attracted to men. I'm 21 years old, have had several boy friends, one girl friend, and have "gone all the way" with both genders. Needless to say, I'm pretty confused right now. I started becoming physically and sexually attracted to guys around the age of 18 (attracted to women muuuch earlier)....but it's complicated. I think erections are hot and I like how guys can be so carnal and rough when it comes to sex....but I think blow jobs are boring. Sex with guys in general is pretty boring :\ it's nice to fantasize about but when it comes down to doing the actual deed, something is missing. Who knows, maybe I've had crappy partners, point is: girls on the other hand, satisfy me on a very "primal" level. It's hard to explain but I can tell you that I'd much rather perform oral sex on a girl than a guy. (Haha, ok sorry for being graphic and divulging all these dirty little details concerning my sex life!) The problem is, I've never been in love with a girl and I'm not sure I'm capable...well, it's possible I suppose. It just hasn't happened yet. I've been in love with two guys, the second of which broke my heart into idy bidy pieces a few years ago. I've never really trusted men as far as romantic relationships go, and that bad experience has left a really awful taste in my mouth. I want to give girls another try, but I really dislike the idea of maintaining a lesbian identity. I'm mostly afraid of what other people will say/how they will treat me. My family....they would be supportive outwardly but would probably roll their eyes behind my back and secretly think I'm disgusting. gahh this is really hard. I don't know what to do... A relationship with another girl seems like it would have so much more to offer. Or maybe I'm just fantasizing about having a deep, meaningful bond with someone who truly values our relationship. I don't like the way I've been treated by some men in the past, it's like a constant battle....they are so competitive and intimidated by me--always trying to "take me down a peg" or "put me in my place." It's very annoying and makes me lose respect for the whole gender. I know, I know, not all guys are insecure ego maniacs, but it sure looks like it from where I'm at. Even my guy friends (most are guys, btw)...there's always this tension. Some of them think I might screw them someday so they treat me a certain way. It's never equal...they always want something from me. Overall, men have made me feel like all I have to offer is my youth and good looks and I really resent that. Maybe men would treat me differently if they knew I was off limits sexually. I tried to convey this as a "straight" woman but apparently it doesn't work. I'm pretty sure I want my next relationship to be with another woman but I'm not ready to come out...yet. I'm still really confused about it all. Any advice? I'd really appreciate it if you could direct me to some good Lesbian websites you know about, I need more resources! Thanks in advance.
sounds like you just need to stay bi and go with the flow lol. screw identities and lingo, just explore until you find that girl who makes you feel right. parental and social acceptance comes second, but that doesn't matter when you're in love. and guys who are just waiting for an opportunity aren't friends lol.
You seem like a very intelligent and self-aware person. I'm sure you'll work this out just fine on your own I understand what you're saying about men, but don't give up completely on them just yet. At your age, they're still working out their identities and ways of relating to women, too. Consider taking a second look at guys you maybe didn't notice before. Sometimes, it's the quiet ones who turn out to make the best partners. There are a lot more important characteristics than "hotness". I also think, for what it's worth, that having a lesbian relationship with another woman but keeping it in the closet would be extremely stressful to you. You sound like a person who prefers things to be straightforward and out in the open. But keep in mind that just because you have one relationship with a woman now, it doesn't necessarily mean you have to be forced into the lesbian world for the rest of your life. Maybe you will, maybe you won't ... but it's your choice. I also think, in the long run, you shouldn't worry about what your family and friends will think. You're the one who has to live with yourself. To paraphrase the old saying, those that matter won't care if you're lesbian, and those that care if you're lesbian don't matter. The best of luck to you
Thanks so much for your feed back! You guys are right, I seriously just need to chill out and take it one step at a time. It's funny that you mention quiet guys, since they are the only type I've ever really been interested in, haha. I really like shy guys... ok, so I'm not gay, obviously....but I feel like being with women right now. My sexuality tends fluctuate. Right now I'm more interested in pursing something with a woman but later on I might meet a special guy. who knows, I'll keep my options open. thanks again
