stupid complications with the family

So, Ill just start with the stats. Im 20 years old and going to school. I really have no idea what i want to do with my life, but my parents basically demand that i go to school and are paying for everything basically. This is totally awesome, and i really appreciate what they have given me.

The problem started because i want to live off campus this year. Dorm life has gotten to be too annoying for me, and I dunno. This is still fine with them and I got an apartment off campus with a buddy of mine, I did plan on getting a job this year (I have worked before but my parents encouraged me to focus on my studies).

The problem arose, because my girlfriend of 4 years is not as fortunate as I am and has to pay for everything with basically no help from her parents at all. This year has been especially difficult for her. She was also going to live off campus, however her roomate couldnt afford school and will be living with her parents and her other roomate dropped out as well. So, to solve things my roomate and i were going to have her move in with us.

This is a problem to my parents. For some reason living in the same building as her, which i have been doing for the last 2 years is ok, however not the same apartment.

My question is, am i immature to say"if you have a problem with us I will get my own job and figure out rent and living expenses", and say its up to you weather you want to pay for school or not. Our school is about an hour and a half from our hometown, so it would be impossible for my girlfriend to commute as she needs to have time to work and study and she cant afford her own appartment. Chances are I will have to help her out from time to time with either food or rent as it is.

I feel like the right thing to do is figure out my own way to carry on with my plans of moving in with my girlfriend. I am just wondering if i sound neive, or "young."

 

Just be wary of the consequences. When I was 18 I was offered a paid tuition by my parents to go to school, but I didn't like it much because. they'd say stuff like "as long as we're paying the bills, you do what i say" and they wouldn't let me hang out with friends, etc. because they were footing the bill. After a year, I'd had enough. I took a job to pay for school myself so i could live my way.

Eventually I took a promotion and dropped out altogether, but I went back to school just recently. It does feel great because I'm independent and all, but there were some sketchy times; like when i was late with the rent because they cut back hours at work, and stuff like that.

Its a pain in the ass covering rent and tuition, then studying on top of that, but I get to do whatever I want, pretty much (there's always some great party I miss once in a while because I have a final or big project the next day, but hey, what can you do). If you can manage tuition and rent by yourself, go for it.

But if it means you can't go to college, then take your parents gift and play by their rules. I know this sounds kind of cruel, but your girlfriend has to figure some stuff out for herself. She should understand your situation, and if she doesn't (this is the cruel part) there are other fish in the sea.

 

If your parents think she's not good enough for you, is it possible they are right?

 

well they like her, and its not really a situation that they dont want me to be with her. Everyone, including them, thinks we will get married.They just arnt comfortable with me living with her i think. I dunno its just weird. I think im going to go for it. My guess is that they will still pay for college, since they want me there more than i want to be there.

As i reread my original post, and try to post again i find it is really hard to articulate really what the problem is. Partially because one really has to understand my parents and me, which is true for a lot of situations i suppose. I dunno im going all out, I think im right, and im tired of living the sheletered "safe" life. Youre only young once and fuck it. Id rather regret things i did, rather than things i didnt

 

They have most definitely given you a great opportunity!

I think you should have gotten the job before deciding to move into the apartment. You parents agreed to pay for school living, not an apartment setting. And, focusing on your studies is definitely important!

That IS a problem. Instead of focusing on school, you're going to be focusing on your girlfriend. She should live at home with her parents. :cheers2:

Because they're not ready to be grandparents, maybe?

I think you're showing immaturity by saying that to your parents. I think if you're going to completely disrespect them that way, you need to pay them back for the schooling they've already paid. Then, get a job and find out how hard it's going to be on your own; you'll be sorry you did!
If your girlfriend can't afford her own place, she needs to get a different job, or apply for financial aid. There are always resources if she actually looks.
I think you should abide by your parents wishes if you enjoy having NOTHING to worry about as far as expenses for school goes.

You do sound both. Not only is living with someone else hard, especially with all the 'stress' school puts on you, but life is expensive. It doesn't sound like you've had to take care of yourself ALL BY YOURSELF yet.

 

If that's what you want, go for it. You are an adult and can make these decisions, but be prepared for them to never try to help again.

 

well i move in saturday. So, here's to being young and stupid!

yeah I have never had to take care of myself exactly, and im sick and tired of it. Yeah im sure ill look back at it fondly. However, I feel like if you guys new me you'd be saying its about time for me. Thanks for the advise, but im locked in for the time being anyway

 

and now it doesnt matter. I dont know what happened but all of a sudden my parents are totally cool with us moving in, and realize how much it will help her out. My family is odd...